The Rail Bird

Derby Numbers

2009-02-27T16:15:00.005-05:00

Pat Day aboard Lil E. Tee in the 1992 Kentucky Derby

I was perusing drf.com when I happened upon a posting they put up of every Kentucky Derby winner's lifetime past performance chart dating back to 1992. It really was enlightening to notice a lot of things I'd forgotten. A couple of the more interesting points, since 1992:

4 Kentucky Winners never raced after the classics were over: Grindstone (96), Charismatic (99), Smarty Jones (04), Barbaro (06)

4 horses won as the Derby favorite: Fusaichi Pegasus (00), Smarty Jones (04), Street Sense (07), Big Brown (08)

Funny Cide ('03) has the most career starts of any of the winners at 38, 31 of them coming after the Derby.

Grindstone ('96) has the least career starts with 6.

War Emblem ('02) won 7 races from 13 starts. In the 6 races he lost, he finished 5th or worse each time.

3 horses were ridden by only 1 jockey throughout their entire careers: Street Sense ('07 Borel), Giacomo ('05 Smith), Smarty Jones ('04 Elliott)

7 horses were ridden by Jerry Bailey at some point in their career: Sea Hero ('93), Go for Gin ('94), Thunder Gulch ('95), Grindstone ('96), Real Quiet ('98), Charismatic ('99), Funny Cide ('03)

9 horses won a stakes race as a 2 year old: Sea Hero ('93), Go for Gin ('94), Thunder Gulch ('95), Silver Charm ('97), Real Quiet ('98), Funny Cide ('03), Smarty Jones ('04), Barbaro ('06), Street Sense ('07)

Only Fusaichi Pegasus ('00) and Monarchos ('01) failed to win a race as a two year old.

Smarty Jones ('04) was the highest earner at $7.6 million, Silver Charm ('97) was next with $6.9 million.

Grindstone ('96) was the lowest earner at a paltry $1.224 million, Go for Gin ('04) is next with $1.38 million.

Only horses ran past their 4 year old year: Silver Charm ('97 to 5), Funny Cide ('03 to 7)

Monarchos ('01) ran the fastest time since 1992 at 1.59 4/5

Smarty Jones ('04) ran the slowest at 2:04

Nothing earth shaking, just found that interesting.

My Derby Wish List

2009-02-14T16:46:00.007-05:00

As the hysteria for Derby top contender lists kicks up, I've decided to weigh in, albeit with absolutely no helpful information. Instead of making a list of those horses who I think have the talent to get in the big show, this list will be comprised of the horses I want to be in the race, from the 401 horses recently nominated, based on name alone.

For me, a good horse name should sound something like the name of a 1970s cover band. I like titles (Sir, Captain, the Great, etc.), adjectives (slow, happy, tired, etc.) and names that invoke a certain feeling of power. It should be unique, fun, possibly thought provoking, and should have the potential to establish a connection with a first time horse fan who knows nothing more about the animal than its label. I firmly believe that the more properly named thoroughbreds are better represented at the windows come the big races. For instance, it was a tough sell to get rid of Z Fortune and Z Humor at last year's Derby party because people wanted something unique. I would love to know what their odds would have been had they been given individual identities to the common uninformed bettor.

That being said, come May 2nd I hope we see:

1. Atomic Rain and/or Nuclear Wayne. If Atomic Rain, Nuclear Wayne and Deputy Glitters get locked in a strech duel, who do you think will finish 3rd? I thought so.

2. Capt. Candyman Can. After a stellar Hutcheson, it looks as though the Candyman might actually be here anyway. This is a good thing. I'll have no trouble selling this one off. See also Chocolate Candy by the same sire, Candy Ride.

3. Cantankerous Clyde. Is there any more blatant way of calling your horse an asshole?

4. Axel Foley. This is another that has a legit shot to stick around long enough to make the field. If he does, we'll play a separate over/under on how many times we hear the Beverly Hills Cop theme song over the course of the day. Pass up betting on Eddie Murphy at your own risk.

Side note: The sport of horse racing needs more headlines like this.

5. Il Postino. I've been waiting a long time to bet on a horse named after a Kevin Costner character. I assumed I would get the chance with Roy McAvoy or Crash Davis first. If memory serves me correctly I believe there was a Wyatt Earp and an Eliot Ness and I have to assume that a Robin Hood crossed our paths at some point but they never got near the Derby.

6. Horowitz. You have got to be kidding me. This horse has to be one of two things. A. Jewish; or B. A quick tempered, emotionally fragile cop who has to give up his gun and badge due to his unorthodox style but, fueled by a personal vendetta, still catches the killer on his own. If I could guarantee a Jewish horse there would be a dramatic increase in total attendance. An unorthodox, emotionally distant horse cop would have similar results.

7. Guam Typhoon. Too soon? Too soon.

8. Mr. Sizzling. First openly gay horse? We'll find out.

9. Gluteus Maximus (Ire). Proving that not only do the Irish feel the need to name a horse after after the ass, but also that the Jockey Club sees nothing strange about it.

10. Red Wine. Constant UB40s music and watching a friend of mine bring his own merlot in a flask is worth including the horse.

11. Sir Phenomenal. Second cousin to Mr. Sizzling.

12. Dueling Alex. Horse name creates more mysteries than provides answers. Either way, my friend Alex gets liquored up and pretends to and/or actually duels others in attendance. Could have ridiculous consequences, will be ridiculous fun.

13. Gold Schleiger. Of all the liquor brands to name your horse after, I'd assume one would first select a bourbon. Come to think of it I can't think of a single horse named after a brand of alcohol. Silverbulletday being the closest thing coming to mind.

14. Go Tebow Go. It is a rare occasion where I openly root against a horse, but the last thing the horse racing industry needs is this colt succeeding at the track and thus releasing his name to be forever used in puns and creative phrases in the naming of his offspring. Still, sure would add some spice to the field.

15. Baryshnikov / Beethoven. Either of these horses should provide Bob Costas with enough pun material to keep him from launching into a long winded, overly emotional, soft piano backed overcoming adversity piece. Also I'm a fan of naming horses after historical figures.

16. Smokey Lonesome. Though lonely and high is no way to go through life, it presents for an interesting combination in a horse. I would put him in the gate next to Cantankerous Clyde.

17. Sullenberger (Ire). All but guarantees that the world's new favorite and coolest pilot will get some face time during the day.

18. Clicker. I would then have the privilege of hearing my merlot drinking friend exclaim, "Clicker? I don't even know her!" all day long.

19. The Big Dunkin / The Pamplemousse. I have no idea what either of these titles refer to, but I will bet a thousand dollars that if one of these two wins the race, come Sunday morning Shaquille O'Neal will have a new self-proclaimed nickname.

20. Precious Package. I have mature friends.

The Rules

2008-09-25T16:54:00.004-04:00

I've heard a lot of talk regarding the prudence of bringing back the black against the Tide this weekend. Some say it gives the Alabama faithful a false sense importance, pumps them up, and adds more pressure on the Dawgs than they should be asked to handle. I'm okay with it. The folks in charge followed the rules that should govern exactly when the stadium should go dark.

1. Don't do it opening week. There's enough build up already and the Dawgnation has way too much to think about with finding lost comrades and reinitiating old tailgating sites to their former glory. Concentrate on getting week 1 right, not adding extra flavor.

2. Don't do it for the SEC opener. Again, lets get into the season a little bit and save the razzle dazzle for the meat of the schedule. Good solid footing needs to be established and South Carolina is usually a game to suffer through rather than celebrate dominance.

3. Only do it for an SEC game. Big name non conference games have enough intrigue of their own. Whether its Colorado, Clemson or Arizona State, there's enough in the novelty of the match up without confusing the visitor for the way we generally do things Between the Hedges. Same goes for Georgia Tech. The yearly scrimmage with the North Avenue Trade School is a almost separate from the rest of the schedule. I actually tend to forget about until the day of the game, at which point my ego wants to make sure I still dominate like I'm playing basketball in the driveway with my little brother. No blackout necessary.

4. Only do it at home. Obviously part of the appeal is to see the view from the Goodyear Blimp with 95% of Sanford Stadium in cohesive 12th man formation. It would also be a little disrespectful to pull these kinds of shenanigans on an opponents home field. No bueno, keep it on our turf. Also, there's the appeal of letting the tailgaters revel in the moment in all its glory. Which takes me to...

5. Don't do it for a game that starts before 3:30. Give folks the time to hang out and enjoy it. Plus, a noon kickoff also means a hungover, sun staring straight down heatstroke waiting to happen. I'd like to avoid this.

6. Only do it when both teams are top 15. I'd actually be cool with the rule being top 10, which happens often enough in the SEC. It should be a big moment. Not Mississippi St.

7. Only do it once a year. I don't like it that we pulled it out twice last season. We go forever without doing it (the exception being Vince Dooley's last game as AD when just the fans wore black) and then do it twice in the same year? Space it out a little bit. Hawaii was fun enough without trying to add anything.

8. Don't do it in Jacksonville. Again, the World's Largest Cocktail Party has intrigue enough in and of itself without switching things up.

Its not that donning black is difficult, or a lucky charm, or decidedly intimidating to anyone walking through our doors. But it is fun. The stadium shots look awesome and it shows a solidarity amongst the fan base and the team. Its another way for the crowd tailgating on North Campus to show that they care about the game and the football team and not just about how many Bud Lights can be put down on a given Saturday afternoon. Nobody faulted the Miami Heat for whiting out their arena for their playoff games and I have zero desire to in any way make it a once in a while tradition like Notre Dame, the quintessential bankrupt old money still dressing in pearls and furs to keep up appearances.

I also realize that the rules pretty much limit the application to Tennessee, Auburn, LSU, or Alabama. That's okay, we don't have to do it every year and we'll be just fine without it. The stars lineup this weekend though and it should be fun to watch.

Off Into the Sunset

2008-09-18T11:06:00.004-04:00

Precisely That has left us for that great paddock on the other side of the barn. After a campaign with us that included 5 wins, a second, and 2 thirds in 8 starts, including a 3rd place finish in the Barb's Dancer, she has been sold privately and will continue her career under the tutelage of Gary Contessa (I think) under the orange silks of Winning Move Stables.

Thanks for the memories Precisely That, your triumphs will forever adorn the walls of my home. Good luck and best wishes in the next chapter of your career.

Where's the Love?

2008-09-16T17:49:00.009-04:00

I love polls, I really do. I like them so much I'm a participant in the slightly locally renowned Southern College Football Poll. Big time stuff going down over here.

What is inherently true about any poll where subjective judgment ranks the competitors rather than some sort of win/loss, points scored system is that someone is going to get screwed for no other reason than they had a bad previous year or people generally believe that its just their time to get screwed.

In the first couple of weeks, it is customary for wild Wall Street like changes to totally overhaul the preseason rankings. Case in point, UGA was the preseason #1, is a perfect 3-0, and is now ranked #3. The thought process being that we find out who is actually better than who rather than just take the preseason polls as truth and wait for a higher ranked team to lose. A genius system which should ultimately be proved and justified by the Hawaiin shirt wearing boys in Vegas. After all, you'll never get as honest an opinion of a team, biases and karmatic gestures aside, as you will with cash on the line.

Enter the Florida State Seminoles. Florida State finished last year 7-6 (4-4 in the ACC) and lost the Music City Bowl to Kentucky in what would be Andre Woodson's farewell performance. Nothing to write home about but not quite Duke either. So far this year they've vanquished two Southern Conference foes, Western Carolina and Chattanooga, in their first two games by a combined score of 115-7. For their less than overwhelming trouble they are 24th in the AP and 25th in the USA Today Poll. A cursory glance in the direction of the Southern College Football Poll will point out that the Criminoles haven't quite found their way into any of the 30 pollster's top 16, but then only 26 teams have. So now they face Wake Forest, 18 in the AP, 18 in the USA Today, and most importantly, 18 in the SCFP. Like their cross conference rivals, the Forest is 2-0 having disposed of Baylor and squeaked by Ole Miss. Should be easy, #18 vs. #24-unranked. Would every team who is favored this weekend please step forward? Not so fast, Wake Forest.

FSU by 4. Now I know the game is at home and this generally leads to a 3 point slide towards the boys sleeping in their own beds, seeing the girl from their management class in their own stands, and eating their momma's lasagna the night before the game. I say generally because I can't believe Vanderbilt gives as many as 3 points to be at home and I can't believe the Florida's and LSU's only give 3. I also know that the gamblers dont make the polls, but in some instances they should!

Next we have Ole Miss (2-1) vs. Vandy (3-0). Ole Miss doesn’t even check the polls and Vanderbilt is 26 in the AP and close to creeping in the top 25 for the first time since Ronald Reagan ran for re-election. So what’s the line? Ole Miss by 6.5. There is no reason in the world that an unranked (and by a longshot at that) team has any business of being favored by a touchdown over the #26 team in the nation. Good God, any BCS conference team that finds itself a touchdown dog to Ole Miss should be reevaluating the state of the program, not looking to burst into the national spotlight.

See also UNC favored by 1.5 over Virginia Tech. While this is more understandable as the game is in Chapel Hill, it still reeks of the fact that the money is the only entity that could conceive of the idea that UNC could be favored to beat Virginia Tech in a football game.

What I’d love to see is the emergence of a Vegas Poll. The idea being that those with only a financial interest in the games might be slightly more objective than the guy who watches the ESPN night game, catches highlights from around the nation, and roots on his alma mater. The Vegas Poll should take into account each team’s added point value for a home game and then prohibit any underdog from having a higher ranking than the favorite. For instance, the FSU and Ole Miss lines would be capped at whatever the home field advantage point value is. A sports book should have far more objectivity and honesty than a guy who grew up rooting for the Irish or believes that you haven't won a real road game unless it happened east of the Mississippi and south of the Mason-Dixon line. Maybe then some of these oddities would even out.

Beatrippi

2008-09-04T14:27:00.002-04:00

This Saturday marks the debut of our new colt, Beatrippi, on the hallowed stretches of Delaware Park. There have probably been both faster two year olds and more ridiculously named horses to grace this green Earth, but I can't remember a finer combination of the two since Deputy Glitters made his unfortunate entrance in the sport. This I assume from morning works and my own judgment of what constitutes a silly name.

Beatrippi is a Florida bred son of Trippi, out of the Silver Buck mare, Be Silver. Like True Raise, he's trained by Tony Pecoraro and will run under The Posse's silks. It should be noted that a race or two after True Raise was claimed away from us he set a track record at Penn National for 5 1/2 furlongs on the dirt. Evidently we dabble in talent, though I wish he'd have run that way for us. Either way, I'm looking forward to the colt's future and hope the best for him.

Not So Fast, Julio

2008-09-01T08:56:00.006-04:00

After what can only be described as the gambler's paradise of 2007, the fallout from week one of this year's college football season is relatively painless. And predictable. The teams that should have won pretty much did, the exception being Virginia Tech, and the teams that were going to lose pretty much did that too (You'll get 'em next year, Mississippi St!). The only real bone I have to pick is with the public response following the Clemson-Alabama debacle Saturday night in Hotlanta.

Leaving MSU out of the equation, the SEC pretty much rolled all weekend, leaving relative non SEC equals such Louisville, N.C. State, Miami (OH), and Memphis in their wake. I mean that relative to the teams they played, not the conference as a whole. Anywho, you'd think they were putting in a Sears down the street for all the glee of the Alabama faithful. In reality, you beat the most poorly coached, over hyped team in all of college football.

I couldn't even turn on ESPN this summer without being force fed garbage about this being Clemson's year and the sacrifices that stud running backs James Davis and C.J. Spiller were making to stay off of NFL and other colleges' rosters. Please duck and cover for what will surely be a biblical pouring out of wrath on an unsuspecting ACC schedule. Lightning and Thunder, Thunder and Lightning, somebody find a billboard to stick them on. Lets take a peak at Saturday's box score.

James Davis, 6 carries for 13 yeards.
C.J. Spiller, 2 carries for 7 yards.

8 carries. 8 carries. Backup UGA running back Richard Samuel and thrid string QB Logan Grey combined for 8 carries in Athens on Saturday. Noel Devine (WV) had 9 carries, as did his QB, and this was with Pat White throwing the ball 33 times. Thunder and lightning, the most explosive decoys in the history of the NCAA.

C.J. Spiller caught 2 passes for 27 yeards, James Davis caught 1 for 11 yards.

The N.C. State secondary caught one more pass than these two did combined on the way to being whipped 34-0.

Clemson's lone TD of the game came from a 96 yard C.J. Spiller kick off return, one of four kick off returns he made. He also had a punt return for 9 yards. This means the junior from Lake Butler, Florida touched the ball 9 times, 5 of which were on special teams. Of his two carries, one was for 8 yards and the other he got hit for a 1 yard loss. Then he snagged some gatorade and hit the whirlpool.

Animosity for this game aside, I'm not a Clemson fan. I dont have a problem with them per se, just never found a seat on the bandwagon. That being said I'd be the first to applaud Auburn-with-a-lake if they could find a way to finally run Tommy Bowden out of town. Then they could bring in a Tommy Tuberville type who found success utilizing a two running back system after he took over for Tommy Bowden's brother. Clemson could pull off what Cadillac and Ronnie Brown carried Auburn towards, but they're going to have to let James and C.J. touch the ball.

And Alabama, for the love of God put together a few games before you annouce that world domination is at your finger tips. This any-port-in-a-storm method of proclaiming greatness after a victory is a little tired. I mean, why even play out the schedule? Somebody give Alabama the national championship trophy, did ya see em beat Clemson? As did Auburn in the last game Clemson played, goofy elephants, just after they beat you.

For the record I'm not an Auburn fan either.

But I am a fan of college football, and was therefore annoyed when the Tide announced they were back after thumping an eventual SEC East winning Tennessee team last year. South Carolina has beaten every team in the East since Spurrier returned and the average fan from Knoxville, Gainesville, Lexington, Nashville, and Athens is sent to fits of giggling when someone suggests that the Gamecocks are back. (This is, of course, because they were never really here to begin with.)

Nobody even suggested that Georgia be allowed to tune up the guitars on the main stage until they could go down to Jacksonville and get it right once or twice. Nor should they have. So I say win the west, Alabama, stand atop Auburn and LSU and I'll clap for you. I'll even shake your hand when you're in line next to me at the package store waiting to purchase your Milwaukee's Best or when you're asking me for spare change. (I won't have any.) And good luck to you this year, because beating a rudderless Clemson ship with no one at the helm isn't going to do much for you when you head to Athens, Knoxville, and Baton Rouge this fall.

We three are already back.

My Little Filly

2008-08-21T17:35:00.005-04:00

It would be unfair to my wildest dreams to say that the Precisely That claim was a homerun, but at the very least we legged out a solid triple. Sort of the Paul Molitor of claims. Consistently hitting the board in a modest market.

A quick glance at the standings will show that our gutsy little filly is sitting 10th in the nation for the year with regards to her winning record. Out of 9 starts this year she has 6 wins, 2 places and 1 show. Specifically for us she has 5 wins in 7 starts. Granted we're not exactly winning the classics but 5 pictures on the wall is 5 pictures on the wall. You know who else's owners have 5 win photos on the wall? Big Brown, that's who. Pretty much the same horse.

Some excitement is on the way in a week or so. After dabbling in claiming company for the last few years we're hitting the stakes circuit on the 31st. Miami, Florida, Calder Race Course, it'll be a regular 7 furlong rumble in the jungle. And I might as well go out in the yard and put my ear to the ground to hear how it goes for all the TV coverage we get here in Hotlanta. If we win I'm buying myself a steak...on me.

What Does A Gulfstream Win Photo Look Like?

2008-03-26T17:59:00.010-04:00

Precisely That indeed!

Soooo, now 6 horses in, my career as Hall of Fame minority owner has a second win to its credit. Calumet here I come. Things are actually looking up for me at the moment. The partnership that may or may not be aware that I am a member now has 2 horses in its stable. Actually more than that, I'm just a part of two of them. Along with Precisely That we have a 3 year old maiden named True Raise, who looks to be shedding the maiden title soon. I'm guessing early April. If not early April then late April. If not late April then...well...you get the point.

Still cooler, I'm actually going to get to meet the dynamic duo this weekend in Florida. The pair are stabled at Calder and I plan on dropping in while I'm down for the Florida Derby with my old man. Details and pictures to follow, but from what I know so far its going to be a trip not soon forgotten. No decision on a race winner yet but the field looks better every time I glance through it. Elysium Fields, Fierce Wind, Hey Byrn, Big Brown, Face the Cat, and foreign invader Tomcito all show up with something to prove on the big stage. More to follow.

The Risen Star

2008-02-09T10:28:00.001-05:00

The first big Derby prep of the year goes down today in the Big Easy, the handicapping of which is anything but. This would be the Grade III Risen Star at the Fair Grounds.

The name of the game in these spring races is to make sure you stand in the top 20 of the graded stakes earnings at the end of April. $100k won in the Grade I Florida Derby is worth just as much as $100k won as a 2 year old in a Grade III race. There's always a horse on the outside looking in. Last year it was Chelokee who got bumped when I'mawildandcrazyguy ran. Crazyguy deserved to run, or so said the money. That being said, there are already horses in the Risen Star with the money to get in the Derby. Pyro, who finished second in the Breeder's Cup Juvenile and the Champagne, both to War Pass, makes his 3 year old debut today and we should have a good indicator on his progression over the winter. Dogwood Stable's Blackberry Road has 2 seconds, a third and a fourth in graded company, which means that another place or show will probably get him in the gate should he stay healthy. The undefeataed and highly touted Z Fortune is coming off a win in the Grade III LeComte over Blackberry Road and looks forward to a promising spring.

The class runs deeper than the graded earners in this race. Tom Amoss and Julien Leparoux are here with the 3 for 3 Prince Cortez looking to make a name for himself at the premier level. Amoss also has Peteadoris who, along with Signature Move and Mike Matz's (Barbaro) Visionaire, is coming off of back to back victories. Throw in the Canadian invader Bonanza and James Tafel's (owner of Street Sense) Unbridled Vicar and you have what looks to be a crowded win photo.

There's a surprising lack of early speed in the race, so my guess is Signature Move and longshot The Darp will be out on the lead with Z Fortune right off the pace. The pace should hold and Z Fortune should take advantage. Blackberry Road closing for second and Pyro third. Though he's been training with Curlin in the offseason (think Knowshon Moreno working out with LaDanian Tomlinson) Pyro is probably going to need a race to get back in the swing of things.

Though it deserves more than a brief mention, winner of the Breeder's Cup Juvenile Fillies Indian Blessing returns on the same card, and looks to return to form in the Grade III Silverbulletday. The loaded card also features Grasshopper and Magna Graduate in the Grade III Mineshaft, and Better Talk Now shows up for the Grade III Fair Grounds Handicap.

I normally wait for the azalea's to bloom, but its 60 degrees outside and I can hear the birds chirping. That's enough for me. The season is upon us!

Nominations Are Out

2008-02-04T13:16:00.001-05:00

448 horses were nominated to the triple crown this week, including 2 fillies. As expected, trainers such as Todd Pletcher, Nick Zito, D Wayne Lukas, and Bob Baffert lead the way. I made a quick scan and noticed that the list includes Spain and Perfect Story colts, a half brother to Harlan's Holiday, and Breeder's Cup Juvenile winner War Pass. This is only the first chance to get in but each new nomination period raises the price. It cost $600 to nominate a horse for this list but it will be $6,000 to nominate one before the end of March. This goes pretty much up to the last minute when it takes a couple hundred thousand to enter your horse. Pocket change for the rich and famous. Early retirement for me.

Personal Good is scheduled to run in the 3rd at Gulfstream on Thursday for his new owners. Its a little quick to send him back in my opinion, but he seems to run well every other race so this may work out well for them. He has a $50,000 price tag which means he won't be coming home with us when the race is over.

Precisely That

2008-02-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

There's a new occupant in the barn today. The partnership that recently saw Personal Good claimed away picked up Precisely That, a 5 year old Tactical Advantge mare, in the 1st at Gulfstream today. Precisely That is 6-5-5 in 23 career starts, including a length and a half win this morning. Bill White will take the reigns for this one as well.

Precisely That was claimed at the beginning of last year for $10,000 and went on to earn over $100,000 for the year, including a $38K allowance win at Monmouth. In her last 13 starts she's 4-4-3 which I hope is a strong indicator for how 2008 will go.

No Hands!

2008-01-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

Got to love the horse industry. My reign as horse owner lasted a quick minute and 11 seconds down the tilt-a-whirl that is Gulfstream Park today. Personal Good hung right off the lead until the far turn where he faded back to finish 5th. Perhaps he'd already heard the news that he was claimed, off to another stall in another barn, to race another day under another set of silks. Perhaps he was just tired.

Either way I wish you the best of luck Mr. Good. I'll keep an eye out for you in upcoming races. In the mean time I'll be here, checking out the mid level claimers, waiting to be taken back up to the summit so that I can go screaming down the ride again.

Off To The Races

2008-01-26T09:37:00.000-05:00

And they're off!

The hopefully legendary career of Personal Good, champion racehorse, and myself, champion minority owner, gets underway on Monday in the 2nd at Gulfstream, a 6 furlong, 40k claimer for 3 year olds. All you can really hope for at a claimer of this level is to not get claimed and hope the horse runs well enough to move up into allowance company. Keep your fingers crossed. He gets the professional craftsmanship of Todd Pletcher's personal valet John Velazquez, so at least I know he's in good hands. Or I think he is. Where some jockeys have a style (Borel on the rail, Pat Day from 35 lengths back), Johnny likes to find the best horse and then ride him. But I do feel comfortable with him which is nearly as important as Personal Good feeling comfortable with him.

It should be noted that Patrick over at Handride has a piece of a horse named Powerful Storm going in the 12th at Turfway this afternoon. Patrick got involved in a partnership through Adena that allows the yous and mes of the world to own a piece of some regally bred horses such as Ghostzapper's half brother, Holy Knight. For anyone interested in getting involved and who might be a bit intimidated by some of the sale and stud prices that get thrown around, a partnership is a great way to get your feet wet. The Adena Racing Venture is a good place to go, as is West Point Thoroughbreds (yellow silks with black star that runs all over the place), and Cot Campbell at Dogwood Stables has them too. Its a lot of fun to have your own horse, but also a good time following the horses of the people you come across along the way. Good luck today, I'll be watching the ticker.

Back In The Saddle

2008-01-19T14:57:00.000-05:00

You can call it a comeback if you'd like. I don't mind.

After the Snitch/Catch My Cat/Turtle debacle I couldn't see my return to the track through the dark bottles of bourbon scattering the landscap of a once scotch filled home. Scotch is for the good times. The pain has subsided, as has the stack of bourbon, and I'm back with a horse, in minority fashion, who I'm counting on to get me back to the tracks that people watch on TV and attend wearing sleeves.

The new guy is a 3 year old named Personal Good out of Personal First and he's undoubtedly been touched by the right hand of God. He's built like a machine, perfect conformation, stands 17 hands tall, solid black, and scares the pants off of any horse unfortunate enouch to leave the same gate he does. This I assume of course. I've never actually seen him, his legs might be shaped like question marks, the jockey might be able to touch the ground on either side, and I can't yet wager a guess as to what color he is. I don't really know. But he's now mine, again in very small part, and I choose to assume he's perfect, all the while inviting anyone and everyone to do the same. He's run 4 times at Calder with a maiden and allowance win, the most recent with a 71 Beyer. I'm realistic enough to know that he probably won't win the Kentucky Derby, but I fully expect him to win the Florida Derby and be a closely beaten second or third as the odds on favorite in the Derby. Under promise over deliver. That's my motto.

Personal Good should show up in high level claiming company within the next few days at Gulfstream with Bill White training him and racing under the silks of "The Posse", which is the name of the partnership. Hope for the best folks, my bourbon supply is low.

The Remnants

2007-11-05T18:07:00.000-05:00

Of the 8 races not involving 2 year olds I have so far only heard the names Better Talk Now and Midnight Lute as horses planning to return next year. I'm absolutely sure there are many more but the number of those who are not is once more staggering. Still, a great day of racing and I cant wait to see the Juvenile winners stretch out as three year olds. I wish every Saturday was Breeder's Cup Day.

It should be noted that I came home with a crowd pleasing, stop the presses, breaking-the-bank $4 from a total of $80 of Breeder's Cup bets and saw my 3 "locks" soundly beaten. A couple more days like that and I know some folks going home empty handed come Christmas. If you're wondering if that means you then it probably does.

Pre-Breeder's Cup Results - Saturday

2007-10-26T14:58:00.000-04:00

Ah. Breeder's Cup Saturday. Every horse with an opportunity to be a legend. Every gambler with an opportunity to pick that horse and be a legend. For every Sunday Silence there's a guy who made a million bucks on a two dollar Arcangues bet. Maybe this year its me.

Lets begin the day with the
Juvenile Fillies:
The card used to open with the Distaff, which I never understood. I'm glad they've made the change. This is a heck of a field with 4 undefeated horses, 3 Grade 1 winners, and 6 Graded states winners. With the scratch of Cry and Catch Me I'm going to go with Bob Baffert's other filly Indian Blessing. 2 for 2 at the track the Blessing is obviously still green but she's shown class already winning the Grade 1 Frizette and I like her to stretch out with relative ease. Plus, shes a front runner which bodes well in light of the monsoon sitting on top of New Jersey as we speak. I like the closer Irish Smoke to show up late and Ron McAnally's Izarra to make it interesting in 3rd. Great field though, it could be anybody's race.

In light of that I'm going with:
$1 exacta box with the 4,5, and 8
Total Weekend Cost: $24

Off to the window to collect and then we go to the
Juvenile:
The Juvenile is always fun because the winner will be handed the spot of Derby favorite before the next race is run. Who will it be this year? War Pass. Nice to see Nick Zito back in the mix with the game 3 for 3 colt. I would give Wicked Style a better shot but he's all speed and sitting way out in the 13 slot. I like Salute the Sarge to show, and could even do better if the front runners cook themselves with swift fractions. There's a lot of speed in this race so it might actually set up well for the closers.

Still
$5 on both the 12 and 13 to show - I'll get good prices on both
Total: $34

Done with the two year olds and on to the
Filly and Mare Turf:
Hard not to like Precious Kitten. Bobby Frankel is somehow the man on the turf and his filly has a nice resume built up. I like Todd Pletcher's Honey Ryder in second and the 7 for 7 undefeated filly Nashoba's Key to finally find herself bested in third. 6 of the 12 horses in this race are Grade 1 winners to give you an idea of the quality we have here. I'm bad at turf handicapping so I'll let the quality serve as my excuse.

Wait...Precious Kitten is 30-1 on the morning line?
$10 to win on the 12
Total: $44

At this point I should mention that I'm making these selections before checking the morning lines. I know I've taken my share of favorites but 30-1 is ridiculous unless the horse lost a leg in transit and nobody told me. If the horse has 3 legs I reserve the right to change my pick.

With more white paper in my pocket than green I go to the
Sprint:
The Sprint is a breeding ground for upsets in my humble opinion. A lot of good horses have taken one slow step out of the gate or been too far off the rail and that was all she wrote. So naturally I'll take what I can only assume will be the favorite, Midnight Lute. Lute won his last race with an "is this a typo?" Beyer figure of 124. (Street Sense got a 110 for the Derby) If he does it again I'll be astonished but I still like him up front. Second place that day was Benny the Bull and he'll finish third behind Greg's Gold in this one. Still, Greg's Gold has a shot.

$2 exacta box with the 2 and 10
Total: $48

With 4 races to go I'm still under $50, but not after the
Mile:
Huh. I think this is going to be the best opportunity to get a value on the winner, which is a polite way of saying its a toughie to handicap. Yet, here we go. I like After Market followed byTrippi's Storm and Nobiz Like Shobiz. I kind of want to include Cosmonaut but while always in the money he's allergic to winning so I can keep him around. I need winners, not also rans. I hope Nobiz finds a niche here with the milers as he was my Derby favorite before breaking my heart.

Nobiz factors, hopefully at a price
$10 to show on the 9
Total: $58

Side note: This race includes a horse name Silent Name who is out of sire Sunday Silence. (yellow silks above) Sunday Silence stood in Japan and totally dominate Japanese breeding for about 15 years but he progeny rarely made their way back over here. In fact, I cant remember ever seeing one run here. That being said Silent Name wont factor. Sorry Japan.

Hey Ladies, welcome to the
Distaff:
The Classic for the ladies, the Distaff certainly doesn't disappoint this year with a gate stacked full of class. I like Octave, trained by the Atlanta Braves of horse trainers Todd Pletcher. Year after year Pletcher comes through in the standings all to fall short in the one that matters. He finally broke through with Rags to Riches in the Belmont but his record isnt exactly stellar here in the Breeder's Cup. Still, Octave is a multiple Grade 1 stakes winner and should show up to play with Ginger Punch taking the place and Pletcher's pair Unbridled Belle and Indian Vale dead heating for third. Ballsy pick but that's just what I do.

A lot of ladies looking to get my money... stay with me
$2 across the board on the 8, $1 trifecta with the 8-4-10 and another with 8-4-11
Total: $66

Spread the love I say, but not much spread around in the
Turf:
Second lock of the weekend after Discreet Cat is European invader, Arc de Triomphe winner, and all around good guy Dylan Thomas. He's going to win. Second place is English Channel - who my friend Travis informs me has a body of water named after him - followed by Better Talk Now, the old man at 8.

No choice but to beat the British
$2 exacta box with the 3 and 6
Total: $70

And with one race to go I can promise you its going to be a
Classic:
I estimate that the starting gate in the race will probably feature about $250 million worth of horse flesh - and thats just 6 of the 9 horses. My guess is more than half this field will retire after the race. We have Derby winner Street Sense, Preakness winner Curlin, Derby runner up Hard Spun, 3rd place in the Belmont and winner of the Swaps Tiago, Haskell winner and "King of Monmouth Park" Any Given Saturday, and $2.7 million winner Lawyer Ron. Who will win? My third and final lock of the weekend Lawyer Ron. Ron is the old man in the bunch but stands head and shoulders above the others in class. He tore up the Woodward and the Whitney this year in dazzling fashion and I just dont think the others will have anything for him. I think Any Given Saturday will show back up in second and I look for Curlin to run third. Watch for Hard Spun and Ron to set the early fractions with Any Given Saturday and Curlin sitting just off the pace and Tiago and Street Sense looking to swallow up ground late and catch the speed. Its going to be one for the ages. Oh, and there's three more horses but all they'll do is get in the way.

Last bet of the weekend
$10 to win on the 1
Total: $80

There you have it. $80 spent on 11 races. Good luck to you and happy racing.

Pre-Breeder's Cup Results - Friday

2007-10-26T11:06:00.000-04:00

After many hours of painstaking handicapping, I've reduced the event that is the Breeder's Cup to an efficient list horses who will win and those who will not. So sure of these picks am I, that I'm including the bets I would be making if the Good Lord and state of Georgia allowed me to participate in such depraved and sinister activities. As a compromise I'll spend no more than $10 a race, aka what the average bum spends daily on the Georgia sanctioned, divinely supported Georgia Lotto. So throw the kids in the car, you're going to the bank. And possibly McDonalds if its on the way.

Filly and Mare Sprint:
Let me say first that these 11 races are stacked as much as any I've ever seen and 90% of the horses running would be the 1st or 2nd choice in any Grade 1 event they entered. That being said, some are better than others. In the F&M Sprint I like the classy filly Dream Rush coming off back to back Grade 1 wins. The undefeated La Traviata, previously trained by the suspended Frenchman Patrick Biancone, to follow in second with the all or nothing mare Maryfield running a close third.

Dream Rush I'm sure of, the others I'm not.
2 $2 exactas with the 3 over the 4 and the 7
Total: $4

And we move to the
Breeder's Cup Juvenile Turf:
How did I miss that the same morons who brought you The Green Monkey also have an animal with a $2.5 million price tag named The Leopard. The Leopard will be soundly beaten by The Horse with a 9 on his saddlecloth named Prussian. This undefeated Billy Mott trained colt won a Grade 3 in his most recent and second ever start. Michael Tabor gets to watch The Leopard come home second, an experience it seems he actually can put a price on, and Michael Maker's Cherokee Triangle comes home third. Not that I feel bad for Tabor - who I havent forgiven for retiring Scat Daddy before his time. Don't need him though because I'm getting 3-1 on Prussian on the morning line.

How sure am I? Not very.
A conservative $5 to win and place on the 9
Total: $14

And we arrive at
The Dirt Mile:
Which might as well be named The Discreet Cat Fun Run. I have three sure fire locks for the weekend and The Cat is one of them. Unfortunately he's everyone elses as well and should be even money by the time he leaves the gate. Gottcha Gold runs second and I'm hoping Corinthian returns to form and comes home third. Let it be known that the 2, Lewis Michael, has the potential to show up to the party like a pimple on prom night and spoil my good time in second. I'm a pouter. Be prepared for this.

Side note: Do you ever feel like the horse that sneaks in late to break up your million dollar trifecta is laughing at you? If you utter the words aloud, "I'm fine as long as I can beat the 4," somone will invariably inform the 4 and your skip in the step jog to the IRS window turns into you being left with a piece of paper whose sole value is as a place to deposit your gum.

I dont think I'll be adding any additions to the house, but
2 $2 exactas with the 1 over the 6 and 8.

I'm fine as long as I can beat the 2.

Friday total: $18

Saturday picks to follow shortly

Breeder's Cup Picks Soon to Follow

2007-10-25T09:18:00.000-04:00

But for now give me that horse on the lead.

My Fantasy Football Team Will Not Be Stopped

2007-10-16T19:39:00.000-04:00

I Have...Dear God...A Plan

2007-10-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

October is the best time of the year to be a sports fan. Baseball heads into the postseason, the NFL and college football both hit the midseason full stride, Nascar drives deep into the chase, the action on the hardwood heats up, and the horse racing eyes of the world turn to see the best of the best square off in the Breeder's Cup. Predictions in the works.

Its a beautiful thing but almost too much to fully appreciate at once. I hope you've seen your college football highlights by midnight Saturday because when you wake up on Sunday you have to watch Keyshawn Johnson pontificate on whether Deion Branch is making the impact he should in Seattle. I propose a couple solutions to ease the anxiety of the common fan.

1. Sportscenter needs to go regional. Sure sure, keep the flagship sailing on ESPN that covers all of it, but let the Deuce show an hour long show centered around the action in the southeast. I love college football, but I know I'm not going to hear any analysis on the Georgia - Vandy game for Mark May telling me why Oregon - Washington State is going to be the game of the week. Stop analyzing Notre Dame, Mark and Lou, they are irrelevant in the south. My southeastern show can still pay lip service to whats going on in the rest of America, baseball playoffs, Nascar, big matchups, but I want to spend more time on the Falcons, Titans, Jaguars, SEC, ACC and Southern Conference. I'd rather see some highlights from local college games I normally wouldnt than Montreal hockey highlights. There's just not enough time for all of it.

2. Treat Saturday morning college football like Sunday morning NFL. How are the networks missing out on this potential goldmine? Currently, ESPN's Gameday has the only show in town telling you how it is in college football. Tommy Tuberville is right, ESPN has a scary monopoly in the sport because they get to tell you what games and players are important and what games and players are not. For some rason if its the Saturday night ESPN game two mediocre teams become dark horse contenders. Spread the wealth. I want to see FOX and CBS start pregame shows. Get big name guys who know and love the college game and still have ties that compete with their NFL careers. Where are Bo Jackson and Herschel Walker? While many I know dont, I like Jesse Palmer covering the sport. He's a college guy, as is Doug Flutie who's back doing college games too. Go get the Champ Baileys, Joe Hamiltons, Woody Dantzlers, Keith Brookings when their playing days are over. Put David Pollack, Chad Lavalais, and Alex Brown in the back of the end zone with a microphone Tony Siragusa style. Spread out the college coverage, stop running the ball up the middle.

3. For God sakes put the horses on TV. Keeneland is running and I'm not a part of it. I cant handle this.

4. Just put the hockey highlights on the internet in the deep south. That's right, put the horses on TV and hockey on the internet. All its doing is taking away from the sports we care about down here. Those being football (college and pro), baseball, basketball (college and pro), and Nascar. Do you ever see hockey on in a sports bar when you're trying to watch something else? Does it make you angry? Me too.

5. ESPN needs to create Sportscenter Court TV. If an athlete is arrested, sued, going to jail, suing someone else or otherwise finding himself askew of the law it goes on Sportscenter Court TV, not on Sportscenter. Steirods included. I'm not sure if sports were played in August but I do know that Michael Vick is going to jail, a ref bet, and half the athletic world is juicing. This is a problem.

Off to check the Edmonton Oilers score...

Putting Your Money To Work

2007-09-13T18:53:00.000-04:00

What does $16 million look like?

Catch the 4th at Belmont and you can see for yourself as the Todd Pletcher trained, foolishly bought, The Green Monkey takes his inaugural trip around a track whilst trying to outrun the other pretty horses.

Use your imagination for what he's named for but the connections, Michael Tabor (cheated us with Scat Daddy) et al., claim its for the golf hole above. If Johnny Velasquez heals from a spill today in time for Saturday he'll be up. Oddly enough, one of the horses in the spill, Gruffles (Dogwood Stables $250k OBS 2006, sadly euthanized) made his last work in tandem with The Monkey going a swift 7f on the 8th.

He'd better run like Secretariat or someone is out some cash.

Strong Evidence

2007-09-03T12:47:00.001-04:00

Lawyer Ron wrapped up his case for being the favorite going into the Breeder's Cup Classic (probably powered by Dodge) with an impressive win over some classy horses in the Woodward on Saturday.

He went the mile and 1/8 in 1:48.60 and finished nearly 9 lengths ahead of second place Sun King. Also in the race were Brass Hat, Magna Graduate, and Corinthian, the latter making an entertaining mad dash to the front after seemingly walking out of the gate. Street Sense, Curlin, Any Given Saturday, and Lava Man are going to need to find another gear if they want to compete with the Todd Pletcher trained son of Langfuhr. If Ron handles the Monmouth track like he handled Saratoga I'd say the clase is closed.

Here's the video if you want to watch it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpieA56S2gM

Calling All Competent Horses

2007-08-22T18:07:00.001-04:00

The summer classics are turning out to be less than advertised at the close of the excitement that was the Belmont. I wanted rematches. Big Ones. Street Sense and Curlin looking each other in the eye. Rags to Riches giving the boys another shot. Hard Spun let loose on the lead with Tiago trying to close from 9 lengths back. Mix in the older horses, Lava Man, Lawyer Ron, The Tin Man, Funny Cide, Perfect Drift and you had the makings for some special moments in those races that allow the 3 year olds to weigh in with their elders. Instead what we're getting is horses ducking horses, injuries, confusion over polytrack, more ducking, and retirements. I'd like to take this opportunity to bid farewell to the following recently retired steeds: Funny Cide, Bob and John, Cotton Blossom, Wilko, Bushfire, Flashy Bull, and Cash Included. Any Given Saturday won the most star studded race of the summer beating Hard Spun and Curlin in the Haskell, but Street Sense was relatively uncontested in the Jim Dandy (as he looks to be in this weekend's Travers.) The Pacific went off with Lava Man as the extreme favorite after Tiago scratched, afraid to test the Del Mar polytrack surface. Evidently Lava Man shouldn't have either and the unknown Student Council came home in front winning about 3 million dollars for the four people in attendance who thought he had a betable name. Hard Spun and Teuflesberg go again this weekend in the King's Bishop on the Travers undercard, which might actually be funner than watching than Calvin Borel steer Street Sense through absolutely nobody around the far turn. They dont call it hugging the rail if there's no one within five lengths of you. Still, it was a great triple crown and my only wish at this point is for the Eclipse Award voters to require a horse to actually beat someone more than once before handing over horse of the year honors.

Promotion Time

2007-07-31T14:44:00.001-04:00

Division 1A college football is currently home to 119 teams. Among them, Buffalo, Connecticut, Florida International, University of Louisiana-Monroe. I think the time is here for the powers that be to take a second look at Georgia Southern and elevate them from 1-AA to the big show. I have several reasons, pick your favorite.

The following is a list of how many division 1A football teams a few southeastern states have:

Alabama - 4

Mississippi - 3

Tennessee - 4

Louisiana - 5

North Carolina - 5

Florida - 7

Georgia - 2

I dont think I'm over stepping my boundaries when I say that Georgia is in the top 5 talent rich states for recruiting behind California, Texas, and Florida, but we traditionally send an incredible amount of recruits out of state to schools like Auburn, Florida, FSU, and Clemson. UGA and Georgia Tech simply can't offer them all a spot. While we recruit out of these schools' backyards its nothing like what they take from us, especially from South Georgia. Why not level the playing field a little bit?

Georgia Southern can be competitive at a higher level. We're talking about a school that won back to back national championships in 1999 and 2000 behind the running of Adrian Peterson and has won their own conference (tough with Furman and Wofford both competitive) 7 times of the past 10 seasons. The stadium would need to renovated as it only holds about 25,000 but with a student body of over 16,000 and countless alumni (actually probably countable but I dont have the numbers) there is room for growing support in Statesboro. The Eagles have traveled to Athens twice since 2000 and have held their own both times. Adrian Peterson put up 152 yards on a Bulldawg defense that included Boss Bailey, Charles Grant, Marcus Stroud, Richard Seymour, Kendrell Bell, Will Witherspoon, Tony Gilbert, Tim Wansley, and Jermaine Phillips. Simply put they'd arrive with more steam than most of the newer teams and with such a talent base around them would grow quickly.

The HOPE Scholarship is a beautiful thing. I went to college for free, as did every other Georgia native with a 3.0 GPA. In fact, no Georgia native enters UGA or Georgia Tech paying tuition whatsoever as entrance standards have risen so drasctically. What this means as that the smart kids who once shipped out of state to Vandy are staying home and taking the spots of those, like me, going to Athens in search of a more "extra corricular" experience. It came down to Furman and UGA for me and between free tuition at UGA and the fact I didnt want to be a Purple Palladin for the rest of my life it was an easy choice. So what happens when Georgia says no to a high school senior's application? They flock elsewhere, to Auburn, to Clemson - somewhere you can get a similar experience. I'm not meaning to say that these schools are overflow schools. They're each getting more difficult to get into each year and offer almost equal competition scholastically. Clemson, a land grant college, was previously capped at 12,000 students but expanded to accomodate a growing need and is now home to roughly 17,000. In a month a freshman class of about 3,000 will invade the town. These 3,000 were the cream of a crop consisting of around 14,000 applications, many from Georgia. Many of them just like me, searching for a collegiate experience and an identity as an alumni where I can tailgate with 150,000 people on a cool Saturday in the fall. Georgia Southern has an opportunity to lighten the load for all involved and provide their own Saturdays in the fall, whether on campus or on national television playing one of the old money schools, not as an intended schedule filling patsy, but as an equal. Don't think football matters to the incoming freshmen? Give an SEC football team the death penalty and watch what it does to their numbers. I dont know how quickly I would have rewritten my college application with the words "Auburn" at the top as a high school senior, but it would be a serious consideration and a given for many others.

Georgia Southern has the open space that UGA so seriously craves and could handle an increased crowd when Louisville shows up in town. Imagine West Virginia, Marshall, Tulane, UAB, UTEP and whoever coming to Statesboro every two years. I don't know whether the Big East or Conference USA would be the better fit, but whoever it is would soon have a name that a school the likes of Western Kentucky or Richmond would salivate to have come to town, just as Southern looks at the big dogs now. I don't even mind the recruiting competition that would come from it. I think Athens and Atlanta would both be accepting. Hell, if it keeps a kid from going to Florida...

Fall Of The Turtle

2007-07-30T10:08:00.000-04:00

I'm willing to admit it was a bad claim.

I've heard that 70% of horse owners lose money, 20% break even, and 10% come out ahead. I'm in the majority. My once hopeful partnership has been dissolved and I'm horseless again.

For those who haven't wept with me for the past year, the partnership began with a Dixie Union filly named Snitch who ran 4 straight races in the money for us though never won. I liked Snitch. She was a good claim. Catch My Cat was our next selection after we lost Snitch and our luck didn't improve. Still running in the money, albiet at slightly lower levels, Catch My Cat managed to stay competitive right up until he too was claimed. At this point logic took a holiday.

Enter Worthy Lover, aka The Turtle. The Turtle was my 5th choice of the claimers in the race we found him. I've come to believe the horse has a terminal illness. I'd ask the previous owners but they're still giggling down at the bank. Oddly enough The Turtle brought us our only win in the last year and 3 months. No longer able to compete at Aqueduct and Belmont, The Turtle moved out to Finger Lakes where he ran a scorching 1:00.02 over 5 furlongs and came home a winner. Hard Spun's final Derby workout would have beaten The Turtle by more than 12 lengths. Glory doesnt last forever and The Turtle started running as though he knew what would happen if he broke a leg. His most recent fiasco a week ago today found him running 36th out of 8 horses and delaying the next race. His regular jockey didn't even think it worth his time to ride him. After purchasing Snitch for $20k we can't give The Turtle away for $4k. Well done. It gets better. One of the partners had the gall to call up and inform us that the trainer thinks The Turtle is coming around and we need drop more quarters into the partnership piggy bank. We're exiting stage left. I wouldnt give the trainer enough cash for an extra value meal to keep this horse running, or more importantly give the decision makers the chance to claim a new lead pony. The next one would be three legged and blind.

In all seriousness I wish The Turtle the best of luck with the newly alligned partnership and I'll always have a soft spot for him for bringing me my first win. And every time I see his picture high up on my wall I'll remember a day when dozens of people in upstate New York watched him jog home a winner and assume the throne as king of the $4k claimers.

Out to Pasture

2007-06-29T12:06:00.000-04:00

Upon return from my extended layoff I've noticed that its become the trend to make such layoffs permanent. Good bye Invasor, so long Scat Daddy, Stevie Wonderboy we hardly knew you. I understand that this is the game but it's still a punch in the gut when it happens. I understand Invasor and the injury prone Stevie Wonderboy but I vow here and now to never support the owners of Scat Daddy in any endeavor they choose to enter in this sport. Whether it be supporting the appointment of one onto a board or sliding money under a window I'm done with them. How in the world can anyone say that these people need to be in leadership positions in the sport of horse racing? The story I got was that an injury will force him to miss the Breeder's Cup this year so they decided to call it a career. Imagine if Reggie Bush retired this offseason because a sprained ankle was going to make him miss the first two games of the season. The chances are remote that a horse will be so severly injured on the track that breeding will not be a possibility. He's a horse, let him run as a fully developed a 4 year old. I wish there was a rule that no horse bred by a sire who was 4 years old or younger at the time of breeding could run at a North American track. It's funny how I didnt hear any mention of the tragedy of a horse lost when Saint Liam reared up and fatally injured himself in his paddock at 5 or 6 years old. I suppose the natural risks of a horse in a paddock are accepted, so why not a racetrack?

On a happier note I've got to say that I cant imagine a triple crown series going better without a triple crown winner. New heroes came out of the woodworks from every which direction. We saw the Juvenile Derby jinx fall in dramatic 19th to 1st fashion and a nation became enamored with a new hard working, under appreciated jockey. The pair came back in the Preakness to face his closest two foes in the first leg and we got to see an incredible strech dual which included the best 2 3 year olds in the country staring each other in the eye. Then we got to see the most prolific trianer in the modern era bring a filly to town to flex her muscle and leave us hoping for rematches in the summer classics. Simply spectacular.

For all I moan about the early exits of the greedily owned 3 year old horses, there are a series of older geldings who you cant help but love for their ability to show up time after time. Lava Man, Funny Cide, Perfict Drift, The Tin Man and a handful of others are providing race fans with the much needed stability of a gutsy favorite who will be around for you to get to know.

In other news:

How bout them Braves. I dont think I've ever seen a team capable of such bipolar baseball but here we are on a 5 game winning streak following a string of 5 games in which we scored 1 run, following an absolute drubbing of Curt Shilling and the Red Sox, following tanking so bad that the Phillies caught up with us, following a hot start making those whose attention had turned elsewhere to once again factor in the Bravos. If Andruw heats up and Chipper stays healthy we'll continue to be a force to be reckoned with.

The Hawks had a sufficient NBA draft. This is big news in Atlanta. .500 season here we come.

The Dawgs open the season with two ESPN night games which means we'll be able to tailgate later than 11 in the morning this year. Trips to Knoxville and Jacksonville and rolling out the welcome mat for an unpredictable Auburn squad highlight a season with which I have no idea what to expect with the exception of shenanigans.

The Falcons need a new quarterback. Quickly. No, I dont mean Joey Harrington.

Kasey Kahne is embroiled in one of the worst seasons of NASCAR I've ever had the fortune/misfortune of following. He'll be back but things are looking terrible at Evernham with Elliot Sadler and Scott Riggs possibly driving even worse.

Tottenham Hotspur has spent ridiculous money on striker Darren Bent...though they already have 3 world class players in the position. Of Robbie Keane, Dimitar Berbatov, and Jermain Defoe, Defoe is probably the lesser of the trio and he has a spot on the English national team. Spurs management has a hell of a task on their hands in keeping all 4 content.

Front lawn wiffle ball home run derby has entered the dead ball era as my little brother brought a new set of wiffle balls that doesnt travel as far as the ones we used to play with. What this means is that it is once more safe to be a pedestrian or motorist on Wieuca Rd.

I'm fresh out of sports.

We Made It

2007-05-05T07:24:00.000-04:00

It's Derby Day!

A couple quick observations from yesterday:

Congrats to Rags to Riches for an impressive Kentucky Oaks win. Cotton Blossom, we'll get em next time.

Is there anyone better at the fillies game than Heligbrodt and Steve Asmussen? I dont care what horse the jockey is sitting on, if I see those silks parading around the paddock I'm betting her.

Nice win D Wayne, how long has it been since you've been allowed inside of that winner's circle?

You can't not love Hammerin Hank's coverage. He's like my grandfather with a betting angle he wants to share with me, but get comfortable, because its going to take him a couple minutes to get it out.

I know a lot of people don't like his sarcasm but I think Kenny Mayne is a great stepping stone for the casual viewer into the sport. Dont put him on TVG but I'd watch any sport he covered on ESPN. One of yesterday's highlights was hearing him push Great Hunter all afternoon (How bout that 20?) and then watching his reaction when Paul Reddam said Liquidity was the better of his two.

My superfecta for the big day:

1. Nobiz Like Shobiz

2. Hard Spun

3. Scat Daddy

4. Circular Quay

I dont think Curlin is going to like the major class jump or running in traffic and I dont think Street Sense is going to fire when Calvin asks him.

May your Derby day be one for the scrapbook and may all your trifectas be live at the top of the stretch.

"Oh the rain falls sporadically on my new Georgia home!"

Stop the handicapping!

2007-05-04T08:52:00.000-04:00

We have a winner...according to O.J. anyway

God help that horse if he loses

Anybody seen Lawyer Ron lately?

Your 133rd Kentucky Derby

2007-05-03T18:43:00.000-04:00

My father should have always said that it takes a wise man to tip his hat to his superiors rather than try to beat them. I'm sure he did at some point. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I can't beat the Crafty Veteran so I'll meekly tip my hat and congratulate him on one of the more insightful handicapping posts I've ever read.

Anywho. Here's the field from the rail out as I see it.

Sedgefield: Never before raced on dirt. Now this is a hell of a spot to test a hunch. It's like bringing a horse who cant swim to the Olympics to play water polo.

Curlin: I'm not sure whether or not I wish I was making this up. Named for a freed slave who fought for the, thats right, Confederacy during the Civil War. What I'd give to be a fly on the wall at that family reunion. The horse can fly, or at least when running alone which he's done for his entire career of 3 races. I dont think he can do it this weekend but he's the morning line favorite and there's a reason I'm not a professional gambler.

Zanjero: Run 3 times this year, finished 3rd 3 times this year, a couple of times backing up to do it. I dont think he has 3rd in him on Saturday but his owner gets a rental car so whatever works.

Storm In May: He's blind in one eye! His jockey's too tall, his trainer's too old, and I'm too old to know the difference! He's a grey horse so my mom will bet him...which will balance out 99 people who dont come race time.

Imawildandcrazyguy: Imnotgoingtobetthishorse Youcanifyouwanttoo Imnotgoingtostopyou

Cowtown Cat: The closest to the rail of Pletcher's 5. Won the Illinois Derby and the Gotham. More Cowtown than Cat, this is his trip to the big city.

Street Sense: Never run out of the money including a scorching Breeder's Cup Juvenile win. Should be the favorite going in.

Hard Spun: Had the fastest Pre-Derby work since 1979 going 5 furlongs in 57 3/5. Maybe he's cooked, maybe he's hitting the prime of his life. We shall see, but for now I think he likes the track.

Liquidity: Won his maiden and hasnt felt the need to get back in the winner's cirlce in the next 6 races, having been beaten by 7 different Derby horses in the mean time.

Teuflesberg: Cute that he's here. Shouldnt be a factor. I'm jumping out the window if he's a factor.

Bwana Bull: I Bwana see Chelokee in the Derby but we dont all get what we bwant.

Nobiz Like Shobiz: If I had to pick a favorite, and I do, this might be him. Consistently in the picture, consistently the man.

Sam P. : No T. The least likely of the Pletcher 5, I'm not sure Pletcher even knows this one is here. Great picture on the Superfecta Blog concerning Pletcher's horses.

Scat Dadddy: Have heard him referred to twice in the last two days as Scar Daddy. Maybe someone should look into the name. Got to see him win the Florida Derby in fairly convincing fashion. He'll round out my trifecta.

Tiago: As hard as it has been for me to block out the 2005 Derby, the horse racing gods have deemed to screw me over again with another sub par boring horse. But at least he won a race this time. I'm going to get Auburn John to bet on this one.

Circular Quay: Won the Louisiana Derby and was kind enough to slow down for Slew's Tizzy fallen jockey to lose the Risen Star. Other than that he's been spectacular and should be a factor when all is said and done.

Stormello: No relation to Thunderello as far as I know. I expect him off the pace early and about 12 back at the end. My Dad sees him in the winners circle and I've vowed to frame the $20 win ticket he had on him in the Florida Derby if he does.

Any Given Saturday: I dont really know what to say except he loses spectacularly. He's good, no graded stakes wins but always in the picture. Another of Pletcher's, one he might possibly be able to pick out of a lineup.

Dominican: Won a weird race in the Blue Grass. I dont really know what else to say. Not one of my top 10 but not really just filling up space either. Has a reason to be here but doesnt have a shot all at the same time.

Great Hunter: I dont know that I've ever liked a horse so much that I knew so little about. Maybe Candy Ride. Great Hunter has been my back up plan behind Nobiz since the beginning, quietly earning a spot in the field. Might have snuck in and won but the 20 post is a little tough to start from.

I'm no Crafty Veteran but that's the field as I see it.

The Evolution of a Race

2007-05-01T21:43:00.000-04:00

Much debate transpires these days about changes in the sport, changes on the horizon, and the role that tradition should play in making these evaluations. Much of it centers around the Derby and the triple crown as a whole. Should the distances change? Should the length between races change? Do we dare run it over Polytrack? My guess is that at some point two of the three will change.

When Sir Barton won the triple crown in 1919 he didnt know it. He won three races and when the triple crown was named a few years later they went back through the books and figured out Sir Barton had already won it. (So says "Jewels of the Triple Crown", buy it, its awesome. Around $10 VHS at Amazon) One of the triple crown winners in the 1930s won the Preakness a few days before he won the Derby. Some of the triple crown winners won races in between, some years each jewel was only a couple of days apart. Things change. I'm not sure when the order of the races and length of time in between were set, but horses have won the triple crown on different layouts. We dont fault Secretariat for not running the races with a longer break in between than Gallant Fox had. Nor should we. Horses, like people and everything else, evolve over time. I think I read somewhere that the average Civil War soldier was 5'7". While I don't think the point where the 2 weeks between Derby and Preakness should be lengthened is tomorrow, or in the near future, I can accept that a day will come when it'll be necessary.

At the same time I do not think that the length of the races should ever be shortened. A horse can go a mile and a half, they could 100 years ago, and they will be able to 100 years from now. Might it be faster or slower? Absolutely. But if you base your stable on speed, dont complain when your horses have trouble getting the distance. If a basketball coach spends all his time teaching his players how to hit a layup, he shouldnt be surprised when they cant hit a jump shot. You dont ask the league to move the free throw line closer, you teach your team to shoot. The same goes for a trainer who doesnt think his horse should have to be asked to run a mile and a half. If I cant hit a 98 mph fastball I dont ask the pitcher to slow it down, I find another job. If I weigh 130 pounds I dont ask for the jockey weight limit to be raised, I find another career. Regulations and rules shouldnt be bent to allow any and all to compete.

As for polytrack, I think it will one day become a reality even at Churchill Downs. It would be a lot easier for it to start at one of the other two tracks (say, Pimlico) to lighten the blow to the die hards, but I think it's inevitable. I'm fine with it. If it keeps a disaster such as happened at Pimlico last year from happening again I think it would be a huge boost for the sport, ecspecially the portion of it that watches 4 days a year.

As for violation of tradion, how many people would like to see Hialeah run the Fountain of Youth and Flamingo Stakes next year? I'd ask that same crowd who they like in the Pimlico Special this year. Who's running tomorrow in Detroit? At Ak-sar-ben? Tradition is unfortunately violated much more savagely each year in the sport then in changing the surface of a triple crown race. All the same, go back and ask someone 30 years ago who they like in the Breeder's Cup Classic or how they like the paddock at Lonestar or how it feels to win a $6 million dollar race or how many races they got to watch in their own home today or how nice it is for a race to be a click away. Things change, not always good, but certainly not all bad, and the sport needs to be flexible, when the appropraite time comes (which might not be today), to embrace the changes and go forward for the health of the sport.

Welcome to the Party

2007-05-01T14:01:00.000-04:00

If there ever was a week when I wish God would say, "I'm going to take nap...take over," this is it.

I'd like to start by first welcoming you to the party. If you think this is presumptious of me please take note of the opening sentence.

First off, we've gotten anouncements from a couple who won't be able to make it come Saturday. Xchanger evidently did not find a buyer in time so he'll take a time out and reload for another classic. Also exiting stage left is Cobalt Blue, one of three trained by Doug O'Neill who was badly beaten in the Illinois Derby. Blue is owned by Merv Griffin, a man as plagued by bad Derby luck as he is fortunate in creating entertaining day time television game shows. I've never seen an owner so thrilled to be headed to Louisville after Cobalt Blue won a big stakes race earlier in the year in California. The man sang my "My Old kentucky Home" on national television while Jeanine Edwards looked on unsure of whether to throw it back to the studio or sing harmony. "I'll take Businesses in the Right Place at the Right Time for $1000 Alex. Answer: This company saw a huge surge in profits after Merv Griffin learned Cobalt Blue would not run in the Kentucky Derby. Beep beep. David? What is Ben & Jerry's? Right you are!" Griffin also owned the ill fated Stevie Wonderboy who was all but handed the roses before falling to injury. The sport needs more Merv Griffins, he brings a shot of enthusiasm we dont see often enough.

So who takes their place? The first in is Teuflesberg, 4th in the Blue Grass, 3rd in the Rebel, 2nd in horses I wish they'd rename. The second entrant is I'mawildandcrazyguy. If you don't know anything about this horse, please look him up and let me know because I dont either. I'm fairly certain he was mediocre on the west coast and has a goofy name. (This is where you need to be for the hard hitting analysis you cant find anywhere else.) So that's it. Looks like we have our 20. Only problem is we have no speed so the pace should be slow. I'm curious to see whether Churchill tightens up the track a little bit to allow a quicker pace. You'll know early in the afternoon when allowance runners start setting track records. It should also be noted the D Wayne wont be sending a horse this year. Lukas' horses are a bit like the guy who always comes into criminal law hung over. I'm annoyed that he's on the same playing field as me but at least I know I can beat him.

Derby party prep events are in full swing with a spreadsheet of tasks laid out before me indiciating which days I should do which things. Yesterday I cleaned the stairs. Today I went to Kroger to check on the mint leaves. No, not buy the leaves, I just wanted to say hello and let them know I'd be back for them in a couple days. Still have to clean the place up, repaint the flamingos in the front yard, change the blocks under the T-Bird, grab the drinks and we're good to go. Looking forward to seeing those in attendance in their Sunday finery.

Special thanks to the goading of the Crafty Veteran and Old School Nasty for making me realize there are more important things than studying for finals. I'd like to take this opportuninty to remind Old School that this year's party will require another CD with another, slightly creepier, version of Talk Dirty To Me, dubbed over like a 40 year old roller skating rink announcer inserting a kid's name into the zany happy birthday song.

For a much better analysis of the weekend's events check out Patrick's blog over at Pulling Hair (the link is on the right) and also the thoroughbred bloggers he has links to on the right side of his page. I dont think any of these horseplayers will rule out a horse on name bias alone.

More to follow soon, let me know if you see something I've missed.

The Cavalry Charge to the Starting Gate

2007-04-27T09:40:00.000-04:00

Derby fever can be caught by the very best of us and this would be absolutely fine if we all had a horse with a live chance to compete in the race. We dont. There's a fine line between having a horse with a chance to win and having a horse with a chance to enter and that line is getting blurred.

Every horse fan in America, perhaps the world, at some point wishes they had a horse in the race. What makes it interesting is that some of these people say, "If only!," pause a minute, then realize that they do actually have a horse with the money to be in the race, albiet with no chance to win. Enter Bwana Bull and Imawildandcrazyguy, two horses totally removed from the Derby trail, back in the picture simply because they can be. Dont get me wrong, I'd do it too. Mark Shuman, trainer of Xchanger has made it clear that he doesnt want to run the horse back in the Derby to get beaten up in a 20 horse field...but if you should want to take a shot then the horse is for sale. It's like buying the Derby dream on Ebay. Each owner realizes the incredible draw, the once in a lifetime opportunity to own a horse whose every move makes headlines, to have their silks in every picture and painting of the 2007 field moving around the first turn, to stand shoulder to shoulder with the greats of the sport, to get interviewed by Jeanine Edwards on national television, to maybe get a free rental car for the week. I cant say I wouldnt do it too. I like rental cars.

As happy as this crowd is just to be there, I wouldnt expect either to finish in the top12 and horses who probably would, like Teuflesberg and the Michael Matz trained Chelokee, wont get a chance to find out. I applaud those owners and trainers of horses like Chelokee, Slew's Tizzy, and Birdbirdistheword for thinking of the horse first and resisting the urge to find a way into the gate. Not that the others arent working in the best interest of their horses (I dont know of anyone who would race an unhealthy horse), but it's nice to see someone affirmatively taking steps for his colt's well being.

Its entertaining to note that the connections of Bwana Bull are treating the Derby as a backup plan, having intended to run in the Derby Trial on Saturday before the transport to Kentucky left the Bull with a few minor scratches. Lucky for them they had a Plan B when their Derby Trial plans were snatched from their grasp.

Off to Lexington

2007-04-17T13:46:00.000-04:00

Huh. So the preps havent really shaped out quite like I thought this year. Okay then. A couple more dead heats and every horse in the Derby field would have won a prep race. What this means? It means the favorite come May will be a scantily raced, untested colt named Curlin who will be trying to be the first horse since Apollo in 1882 to win the Derby without racing as a two year old. What's more, he's only raced three times this year. It's no rare event for a horse to wait for his 3 year old year to begin his career. Happens all the time, some wait until 4. These horses just dont win the Derby. Not in the last 125 years anyway.

This also means that the favorite Curlin will probably be a lofty 3 or 4-1 and every horse and his brother will try to make the field. From the beginning I figured that the $325k Lexington (GII) would be the last chance to make the field and would consequently be jam packed. Then it looked like I was wrong. Soaring By and Hard Spun have been the only two horses mentioned to go in the past month and Hard Spun was only going to be in the Preakness if he ran. So much for being a last ditch Derby prep.

Turns out I was wrong again (For the...carry the three...50 or 60th time) and we've got a fun field to watch. According to Evan Hammonds over at Bloodhorse, we can expect to see Lukas toss another dart with Starbase. Lukas, of course, is the king of the last ditch effort and has sent Charismatic, Proud Citizen and Scrimshaw to victory in the race since 1999. Cant wait, and hope to see him do it again. Also possibly appearing is Xchanger, who already has the Derby money to get in if he wants to, and Blegravia and Joe Got Even who have around 80k and 50k respectively towards their goal of around 100k which should get them in. Soaring By will indeed be there off of his impressive allowance win in Gulfstream and Albertus Maximus out of, you guessed it, Albert the Great and coming from Santa Anita will be there too. Albertus broke his maiden at the beginning of March so he could be the only horse in the Derby with less experience than Curlin.

I'm happy to say I'll be there to see it with the same crowd of hooligans plus a couple from last year's trip. I anticipate good weather, picking Auburn John up a new pair of shoes after the nice lady at the betting window takes the ones he has, checking out the bluegrass farms while the rest of the crowd sleeps off the inevitable bourbon haze, Laura and Travis surrendering the Racing Form and solely betting whoever Julien Leparoux rides, a good steak at Sal's or Malone's, debutantes, a Soaring By victory, Alex confused by the lead ponies, Justin discovering beginner's luck (a.k.a. the Pletcher-Velasquez combo), enough cold beer on the rail to sink the Spanish Armada, and another good story I wont do justice when I get back home.

My original hope was to see 6 Derby horses run live this spring and with the 3 from the Florida Derby left after the Notional defection I dont think I'm quite going to make it, but that's alright, there's still time for more magic. Just ask D. Wayne.

Scatting to the Bank

2007-04-03T17:16:00.000-04:00

Last weekend marked my first return to the Derby preps since the 2005 Blue Grass and my first trip back to Gulfstream since the 2002 Florida Derby. To say it was awesome credits the word awesome with far more acclaim given to it by the average dictionary. It was nothing short of spectacular. A couple of the high and low lights.

- The Florida Derby itself should throw Scat Daddy into the limelight of the Pletcher barn with Circular Quay. To me he had already been there and I bet him to win as such, with a nice little bet on Chelokee to come home third. I liked Stormello to finish second and thought Notional would be bringing up the rear so I cant claim total success but I've decided I'll do so anyway. Other than hitting the exacta in the Aventura it was the betting highlight of the day. My dad had Stormello to win and took to cussing like Eminem in a rapping battle when Stormello shot to the lead in the first turn. Stormello was going nuts in the paddock and post parade and I feel for the poor lead pony who got gnawed on for the 10 minutes leading up to the race. He looked like a dog being let out of the car after a trip to the vet. Mark my words...Stormello will win the Preakness.

- I guess all in all I like the new Gulfstream. There's no grandstand or method to watch the race in the shade so I came out with a little sunburn, but it was worth it. I was very disappointed in the amount of betting windows. It was nearly impossible to place a bet in some areas and I actually entered a line with 7 minutes to post and didnt get my bet in. (Mainly due to a University of Florida jackass who couldnt figure out how to place a legitimate bet. I thought they covered gambling in the same class they taught jean shorts wearing, gold chain sporting, and classless behavior. Maybe classless behavior ran long during his class.) The track needed more windows and more people people running around tacking bets. Missing the window in time had the side effect of causing me to miss the race due to the rough bottle neck coming from the windows and heading to the track. But the track was beautiful and I loved the three tiered paddock.

- I was taken aback by the amount of people in attendance who failed to see a live horse run all day. The slot machines were flooded with mindless senior citizens pushing buttons every 5 or 6 seconds without regard to the world around them. If the apocalypse had transpired these people wouldnt have noticed unless some flaming horse had tripped the power chord on their machine. I had the strange urge to yell "Hey Marty!" and count how many people responded. I let the urge pass.

- We took a little trip over the structure formerly known as Hialeah to check the state of affairs. I felt like Charlie Bucket staring at Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory. It looked very much as though nobody evers goes in there, and nobody ever comes out. I'm told the flamingos still reside in the infield pond but you might as well have told me the moon was made of green cheese. Too many obstacles and barbed wire in the way to prove it. It's a shame, I'd love to see the place return to glory.

- I dont remember a Derby where I've given so many horses a chance to bring it on home. Adore the Gold left my list after the weekend, but Notional joined it, and along with Street Sense, Any Given Saturday, Circular Quay, Great Hunter, Scat Daddy, Curlin, Cobalt Blue, Hard Spun, Liquidity and Nobiz like Shobiz its going to be hard to pick a favorite.

- I had one of the best steaks in my life at a place called Jackson's in Fort Lauderdale. This is the kind of place where they bring the live lobster on the cart to your table to show you what you might be ordering. This was new to me. The thing moved and I jumped. I thought it was plastic. I cant imagine them leading 3 cows to my table and letting me pick which one looked the tastiest. I'm a little like Tommy Callahan, I'd rather just take the butcher's word for it.

- I had 3 hours to kill before my flight down so I saddled up to a Red Brick Ale bar on my concourse and got to meet the coolest bartendar I've ever talked to. He was an older guy and upon hearing two guys complain about the price of a couple shots he responded, "Hey fellas, Jesse James did it with a gun, I'm doing it with a smile."

- I sat behind two Florida fans on the flight home. These two attended every class. Thank God I'm a Georgia boy.

The Sinister Trip Down Bellamy Road

2007-03-27T10:26:00.000-04:00

Every year seems to bring the one ridiculous prep race that leaves the horse world salivating (yours truly included) and a promising 3 year old trembling like Pheidippides after a speedy arrival into Marathon. The cant miss. The sure thing. The horse I have to charge extra for at the Derby party to keep the field dispersed amongst the crowd.

Side Note: We do this every year to make sure an equal distribution of horses are picked. Smarty Jones went to all takers for $5, Giacomo was packaged with two other horses for a dollar.

In years gone by we've seen the camera pan out to include the second place runner when Bellamy Road captured the Wood and we saw Sinister Minister devour the field at last year's Blue Grass. Neither horse showed up for the Derby leaving two world class trainers scratching their heads. It can't help but wonder who will dazzle us this year, only to leave us in May.

I can't help but wonder if it's already happened. The Street Sense - Any Given Saturday matchup in the Tampa Bay Derby was nothing short of spectacular and it thrills me the pair will have time to shake off the bounce in another prep before Louisville, though AGS needs the money if he wants to make it at all.

Maybe we'll see the big finisher actually pull it off. War Emblem's romp in the 2002 Illinois Derby was eye opening but this time no one except Andy Beyer expected a repeat performance and it was the betting public left scratching our heads.

Maybe we'll never get to see what could become of the gutsy newcomer like we missed out on Buddha after an inspiring Wood Memorial in 2002.

I cant wait to see what becomes of the Florida trio, Scat Daddy, Stormello, and Adore the Gold who will meet again this weekend in the Florida Derby. Surely all 3 have punched their ticket with Adore the Gold being the only one who needs the money. Florida gave us Barbaro and Monarchos, why not another?

We still have 7 huge races, each assuring the winner of a spot in the field, each with a history of sending contenders onward to greater things. Even if they don't win. Secretariat lost the Wood, so did Monarchos. Funny Cide got beat up and down the Eastern United States and Giacomo didnt win so much as a bingo card where it mattered.

Maybe all that this shows is that a lot of the time it doesnt matter how your prep races go as long as you have a good trainer with a good master plan. That's what makes Derby betting so lucrative and what has finally taught me never to package 3 horses for a dollar.

Rail Bird Figures

2007-03-15T10:57:00.000-04:00

What the world needs is one more index figure to confuse the hell out of young horseplayers around the world. Enter the Daily Racing Form with the new Moss Figures. This is, I assume, another calculated index of a horse's race to put his effort in numerical form with which to assess his performance with that of another from another track, another distance, perhaps another time. Horse racing has more index figures and calculations than i could shake a stick at... so I figure the sport needs one more.

I'd like to introduce you to "Rail Bird Figures"

Here's how this works, I'm going to take as much possible information on a horse to come up with a picture of a number, that's right, that encompasses all you need to know about a horse's race.

It starts with a very simple calculation of race put into a numerical form which I have not and will not seek to do. We're going to stay in hypothetical land and I'll just uses the Beyer figure as an example. Let's say a horse runs a good race and comes up with a 100 Beyer. I start with that and then run it through an assembly line of changes starting with:

The color of the number. Lighter color blues indicate that a horse has run better over shorter distances and the blue gets darker through the entire blue spectrum until you get to a horse that only runs well at 2 miles. Mix in green when the horse runs on turf. Of course, a key of some kind will be published on the first page of the form. The color evolves from one race to another so the color of the most recent race indicates where the horse is at that point in his career.

Crappy trainer? We make the number bigger. The number gets smaller the better the trainer's numbers are until you arrive at a tiny font for the likes of Pletcher or Frankle. Maybe it doesnt matter to some but if a see a large 100 go suddenly to a small number trainer I'm going to pay more attention.

The quality of the horse's sire changes the boldness of the number. Storm Cat being the extreme bold while the $500 sire is a very fine line. Also if the sire produces turf runners the number is in italics and if his offspring prefer dirt it is underlined.

If the horse gets a bad trip for whatever reason, stuck on the rail, swung out twelve wide, the number has a line through it.

Did the horse or his connections overcome Bob Costas style adversity? Owner killed the day before, horse was born ugly as hell and no one wanted him, trainer was temporarily blind but now he can see, Auburn John bet on him, horse was blind but now can/can partially see, almost died then nursed back to health as a yearling, ornery as hell but calmed by a best friend who happens to be a cat, generally smellier than most other horses but loved in spite of it, these horses get their numbers circled for their particular odds overcoming race. This prevents us from being forced to hear the soft piano music before every horse's sad tale is unfolded before us, the unsuspecting public. You can stop right there Bob, I already circled it, the people already know.

So if a horse has a crappy trainer, likes medium distances on the dirt, has a good sire whose offspring prefer the turf, a good trip and no Bob Costas adversity his number might look like this. 100

Feel free to offer suggestions or changes, I feel perfection is around the corner.

Much Too Much Of A Hurry

2007-03-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

Another semester of law school and I feel a little bit like the White Rabbit getting chased around the library by Alice with another stack of books and briefs to read.

But now I'm on spring break for the time since Smarty Jones was a prosmising colt in Arkansas. I havent had one this slow since Elian Gonzalez was on a raft.

I've missed a lot since the last post so I'll try to play some catch up.

I'm getting on and off bandwagons at such an alarming rate that I'm now asking the steadfast to hold my seat until I get back. I'm still on the following: (its a hell of a balancing act)

Nobiz Like Shobiz - He could stop at the quarter pole and have a sandwich in his next race and I'm still going to love the colt for being the first to get Albert the Great in the spotlight. In my eyes his third in the Fountain of Youth wasnt bad enough to erase the good we've seen from him previously.

Scat Daddy - Aside from being the best named at this point, Daddy's got enough big class wins and placings to secure himself the probability that his name will not be too far down the list of also rans come May. Think Bluegrass Cat.

I should mention here that the second place finisher in the FOY in front of Nobiz and behind Scat Daddy was Stormello, who an unnamed family member told me will recieve his money after spotting the "uncanny coincidence" that his name ends with "O" like the previous two Derby winners.

Great Hunter - Another race, another solid showing in the Bob Lewis. If the race went off today he'd be the one carrying my cash.

Off the bandwagon:

Johannesburg Star - I really thought it was gonna be special kid. So long.

Nick Zito - Not long after sending out 5 in the Derby ol' saint Nick has pocketfull of nothing and will be watching this year from the cheap seats unless he pulls a little more magic out of his hat.

Street Sense - Never on the bandwagon per se but it seems much of the horse world sees him as leading the show right now. How, I ask, can you favor a horse yet to begin his sophomore campaign when all history flies in the face of his possible success? You don't lay a horse off (especially in his prime) for 6 months after winning the BC Juvenile and expect him to come back a winner. I suppose you have to try something new though, because all other attempts to keep the Juvy winner on his game have been fruitless. I'll be the first to tip my hat to Carl Nafzger if he pulls it off, but for now I don't see him finishing in the top 5.

Has anyone heard from The Green Monkey? Ive lost faith in any horse that gets sold for more than a million dollars. Mr. Sekiguchi, an $8 million yearling now 4 year old, just won his second career race for Baffert and it made headlines.

On a side note, I'd like to welcome former Saints receiver Joe Horn to my Atlanta Falcons. In a years time you'll hear Michael Irvin say things about being old and done but I'd like to encourage the public to remember that he's a receiver with a Falcon on his helmet and therefore incapable of mediocrity. Good luck anyways...

When Training is the Pitts

2007-02-10T09:23:00.000-05:00

There's something about a good Cinderella story. Something that really warms the heart and tells the little guy that they too can pull it off. Just dream big.

Such is the case when a small time trainer, jockey or owner over comes the odds and shows up in the Derby with just as live a chance as a regally bred hotshot coming from one of the training factories.

We were all taken by the stories of Funny Cide and Smarty Jones whose connections 'aww shucks'-ed their way into America's hearts. None had ever been there before with the exception of Jose Santos and Barclay Tagg and only those two look to return in the very near future. The reason we like these people is that we get to see what we would look like given our once in a lifetime moment in the sun. I've already picked the bus that will take me and my friends to Louisville when my horse gets there.

It doesnt always go that way though. Sometimes the experience is for sale. Let me first explain that I cant fully blame the owner who cashes in when they think their stock has peaked. It has happened before that the horse never came near the moment of brilliance that saw his bridle change hands. And sometimes they become great.

Such is the case with War Emblem switching hands after a dominating Illinois Derby and entering the barn of already two time Derby winner Bob Baffert. The rest is history with the Emblem, wins the Derby, Prince Ahmed Bin Salman finally gets his "well earned" Derby with the Thoroughbred Corporation, wins the Preakness and the Haskell and ships off for a career at stud in Japan.

This year's first big sale is Curlin, maiden winner in big time fashion, previously trained by Helen Pitts, sent now to the training factory of Steve Asmussen (2006 stats: 1142 starts, 241 wins (21%), $7.7 million.)

Side note: For the trainer who starts 600 horses in a year, the difference between a mediocre 17% and a phenomenal 25% is 48 wins, or roughly 1 more out of an average 12 starts in a week. Really makes that nose victory look huge.

While I understand the allure of the buy low ($57,000 Keeneland September yearling) sell real high (unknown, but enough to cure an owner's Derby fever) possibility, the real loser in all of this becomes Helen Pitts, a very good and accomplished trainer in her own right who misses the chance to take her first horse down the trail. The new owners include Satish Sanan (owner of Padua Stables and Vindication), wine maker and horse racing activitst Jess Jackson (owner of recently injured and off Derby trail Tiz Wonderful) and George Bolton. I wish the best for Helen Pitts and hope the Horse Racing gods make this up to her as they seem to somehow always do.

The Return of the Corinthian

2007-02-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

It's not everyday I get worked up over an optional claimer. They dont run optional claimers everyday. Sometimes there are better races. Sometimes the track has an off day. Sometimes it rains.

If today's 7th at Gulfstream was any indication, Corinthian has announced his candidacy for a place in the older male division with a near track record time for 1 1/8 mile. Corinthian was a quarter second off Brass Hat's record time in last year's Donn.

Along the way he beat last year's Belmont winner Jazil by 9 1/2 lengths, the third time they'd met, and the third time Corinthian crossed the wire ahead of him.

Corinthian hasnt run since late July of last year, with decent success finishing third in a classy Saratoga allowance. His race before that was last year's Fountain of Youth in which he crossed the line first but was placed back to 3rd for weaving like a blind, one legged drunk down the stretch. (Jazil finished 7th.) He chipped a bone in the race and that was pretty much his three year old campaign. The 4 year old son of Pulpit is trained by "Giant Killer" Alan Jerkens, who just might have a giant of his own.

South Florida Saturday

2007-02-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day for racing down at Gulfstream. I'm assuming this off course because Comcast doesnt provide the horse racing channels in any package, choosing instead to provide coverage of the sport not unlike a Pakistani cricket league. Thank you state of Georgia.

There were a handful of good 3 year old races, most around 7 furlongs which featured horses of future interest as we progress down the trail.

The 2nd was a 7 furlong featuring the Pletcher/Sciametta trained Soaring By who went off the even odds favorite. He was beaten by a length and a half by 16-1 Spin Master, trained by Dale Romans. You can probably look for both to stretch out in their next start as the Derby fever has induced more than one natural sprinter to try to run a mile and quarter.

The 3rd showed the return of 2006 Derby runner Keyed Entry who had not run since the 4th of July last year. The layoff didnt appear to be a problem as he lead wire to wire in quick fractions.

The 4th showed the debut of the Helen Pitts trained Curlin, the 2-1 favorite, at 7 furlongs. The former maiden made the trip a quarter second faster than Spin Master's allowance time and hit the wire 12 1/2 lengths ahead of Winstrella who was another 5 in front of the rest of the field.

The 5th was the Grade II Swale, a 6 1/2 length race intended for sprinters, but occasionally used as a springboard to the Derby required graded stakes earnings. Adore the Gold picked up the $90,000 first place paycheck and could very well show up in the Fountain of Youth in a couple of weeks.

The 3 year old feature of the day was the Grade III Holy Bull and the early Derby favorite Nobiz Like Shobiz showed he was worth the acclaim and no has 3 wins and a second in 4 career starts. Second choice Scat Daddy finished 3rd and both have the money needed to get in the big race.

2006 Horse of the Year Invasor returned in the Donn to score an easy 2 length victory at 2-5 odds. It's a welcome change to see a Breeder's Cup Classic champion race the following year and I applaud Shadwell for keeping him in training while his worth accumulates in the breeding shed.

The final race of the day was a 1 1/8 mile allowance which saw 108-1 afterthought Hal's My Hope score a ridiculous upset which more than likely paid off huge for those in the crowd who enjoying taking the longest shot in the field or the girl who but a couple bucks down because she has a cat named Hal.

Thanks a million to comcast for allowing me to find all of this out in printed drf charts. You really came through for me. Maybe you could cut out our connection during the Super Bowl tonight.

Circling The Bandwagons

2007-02-01T17:02:00.000-05:00

When it comes to horse racing , I've taken a "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" approach. The pleasant result of this tactic is that I find myself on more bandwagons than the Donner Party (with my eye on better results) and get to hedge my bet a bit. I'm currently sitting comfortably on a handful of bandwagons and two of them meet up this weekend in the biggest prep race since the BC Juvenile.

This would be the Grade III Holy Bull at Gulfstream Park on Saturday. These two horses are Nobiz Like Showbiz, and the only horse to beat him, Scat Daddy. Both horses already have the graded stakes money to get into the Derby and finishing in the money this weekend would make it a lock. Nobiz is the Barclay Tagg (Funny Cide) trained easy to like son of Albert the Great who has 2 big wins (by more than 17 lengths) and a 2nd to Scat Daddy in 3 career starts (all 92+ Beyers). This will be his first start since late November, and his first outside of New York.

Scat Daddy is the Todd Pletcher trained (actually Anthony Sciametta during Pletcher's one month suspension) multiple graded stakes winner who finished a safe fourth to Street Sense in the BC Juvenile. A couple of popular publications list Pletcher as having 9 legitimate Derby contenders which is like Tom Hanks being nominated for best actor for 3 different movies in the same year. It's a bit gaudy and you cant help but feel like a couple of horses arent going to get the best shot because they're competing with each other for the best spots to run. Still, D. Wayne Lukas has, at best, 1 Derby hopeful who just ran 7th of 9 horses in Arkansas, so you cant really fault Pletcher. Still, I'm going to try to. Think George Steinbrenner owning 18 major league baseball teams. I just dont like the "super trainer" trend.

I see this coming down to the 2 aforementioned horses with Kenny McPeek's (Harlan's Holiday) Bold Start sitting off the pace to claim 3rd.

I'd like to applaud the people who devoted the last 8 months to saving the life of Barbaro. It's clear to me from the emotion of the people who stood nothing to gain from a career at stud that this was truly a loved animal. It's a shock to lose a Derby winner, more so one this young. The most recent Derby winner to pass away before Barbaro is Unbridled, winner of the 1990 Derby. The others are spending the rest of their days being treated like royalty on wide green pastures with deep feedbuckets and thick straw in their stalls. The tragedy to me has nothing to do with breeding, but instead with the fact that this member of racing's most elite will never get to pass his lazy days with the pride and dignity he deserves and earned on the track. It's this line of thinking that started the Old Friends program when 1986 Derby winner Ferdinand did not get the treatment due a champion in Japan. Barbaro will be justifiably missed and, in my book, will go down as the only Derby winner to ever complete his career undefeated. Here's hoping he's enjoying his green pasture with the four sound legs that took him to greatness.

Thief In The Night

2007-01-27T18:05:00.000-05:00

Many of you have met my best friend Oliver.

Oliver's quite the character, the life of the party, a four foot tall penguin with the character and serving ability befitting a penguin of eight feet.

My Scrubs companion, mocker of all things I hate, supporter of all things I enjoy, laugher at all my jokes, class of the party, keeper of the peace, holder of the afternoon scotch, has been stolen.

I know what you're thinking. He ran away.

Impossible, he likes it too much here.

I've hit a low point in my existence when someone feels the need to lift my pet penguin out of my living room. Seriously, stop and think about this one for a second. Whoever took him walked straight past a wall of DVDs and an enormous HD TV and grabbed... the penguin. Forgive me, but I'm taking this one a bit personally. This isnt like getting my car keyed 36 times where I can pretty much chalk it up to someone mistaking my car for someone elses, 36 different times. Someone walked into my home and grabbed the one object of worth to me that has no worth to anyone else.

I'd hoped upon hope that I would never again have to write another post like this one, but lets run through the suspects and those I've cleared.

Didnt do it:

1. Oliver - Stands to reason that one who enjoys the hell out of being here would stay here. I never had to put him on a leash, never had to worry about him trying to get out. If you think he ran away I think you need to repeat kindergarten.

Side note... Where does a 4 foot tall penguin sleep? Where he wants. And he wants to sleep here, so bring him back.

2. Me - I promise, this is my best friend we're talking about here. In more than 2 years we never had a single fight. Plus, where would I put him? I live here. If you suspect me then you people are idiots.

3. Terrell Owens - Could never get him out without dropping him, it would make a loud noise, I'd wake up, I'd come out, I'd see the moonlight reflecting off his big dumb earring, I'd grab a sandwich and run him down and tackle him.

4. Connor - Would never have been able to find the right house to begin with, though it would have been certain hilarity to watch as he most likely would have found a way to wear the wrong shoes for stealing.

5. Barbaro - I havent really found a way to pay tribute to the recently deceased tri legged equine, but I'm clearing him of this horrible crime.

6. Barack Obama - A year a ago and perhaps he's in the following section, but for now, not during a campaign run. C'mon folks.

Maybe, Maybe Not:

1. Auburn John - I've been getting way too many "Hey, now that Oliver's gone, do you think maybe I could move into one of the bedrooms?" No, Auburn John, he's still going to have a room when you bring him back.

Side Note... It's possible AJ lost him in an ugly bet. Very possible.

2. Alex - I was told at a young age that it doesnt matter how good you are at something, there's always someone out there who is better. Alex is pretty good with the ladies... but then there's Oliver. Perhaps this had to change...

3. Old School Nasty - A small part of me believes Oliver is on a "travelling gnome" journey with Old School Nasty and that I'll get him back with a photo album of Oliver at national monuments, bars, and water parks.

4. The Crafty Veteran - I'm not one that likes to make accusations unless someone is listening to me. The facts are this, The Crafty Vet lives with Oliver for 2 years, I move away and take Oliver with me, Oliver disappears. Funny that he never got stolen when I lived with Crafty. When the camera pans the crowd at next week's Hawks game I expect to see a man with computer sitting next to a four foot penguin. I might forgive the theft if the two of you make the "kiss cam."

5. OJ - Claims through his attorney "If I dont got the bird, your charge is absurd" but currently in process of writing book describing how he would have done it if he did

6. Giacomo - Too slow to get away with it, but is certainly trying to destroy my world one day at a time.

7. Travis - Showed up in a truck and unloaded a ping pong table. What did he load up in return? I'll be checking security camera tapes, but if you'd like to confess in the mean time, it would save me the trouble.

Most Likely Did It:

1. Kelsie - Doing her damnedest to make Oliver miserable with her mange, foolhardy prancing and pretentious cowering. Jealousy is dish best served cold... That's all I'm saying

2. Bob Costas - Restraining order be damned apparently, when will this guy leave me alone?

3. Keeneland Betting Lady - Took Auburn John's money and dignity, why not his roommate's penguin?

4. Lily the Dog - I haven't forgotten what she did to my car, it's no coincidence that she's come back for my animals. And to think, I got you racquetballs.

Worthy Lover

2007-01-13T17:11:00.000-05:00

We have a new horse.

--->

Both of you are probably thinking, "Sweet, Bird, what is it, 3 year old colt, 4 year old filly, blazing speed, competant runner?" None of the above I'm afraid. We claimed a new superstar, goes by the name of Worthy Lover. The 6 year old gelding out of no name sire Rizzihas showed hints of budding mediocrity in his dozen or so career races, but nothing to write home about, and certainly nothing to take home with you.

We had Snitch, whose spilled secret was evidently that she couldnt win, and Catch My Cat, who everyone caught, and now we have Worthy Lover, a.k.a "The Turtle". The Turtle finished 7th in a race of 9 as the 4th betting choice earlier this week at Aqueduct. The blinding fury has subsided at this point and I'm left with dull red and yellow spots in my vision.

There are times in life when you have to trust people who know better than you. These people include your doctor, your designated driver, and the cow who reveals the expiration date of your milk. Add horse trainer to the list as I'm now wondering what Mr. Levine sees in our new hard shelled amphibian of a race horse. I might add that the top 3 betting choices, all younger than 6, were not claimed. No sense in getting discouraged though. I'm going to try to keep an open mind. Who knows, maybe we have the Strom Thurmond of turtles. If we do maybe I can get a win picture to put next to the 2 open spots on my wall.

49 - 21

2007-01-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so maybe it wasn't quite this bad. But it was close.

The annual Jews-Christians football game occured last weekend in a slop that would have kept a rugby team indoors. I suppose the Jews Christians designation is an arbitrary means to divide the teams but it's not like we can shoot free throws to divide ourselves so whatever works. We use the terms a little loosely as no one had to provide an attendance record for their particular church/synagogue or each team might have lost a scrappy player or two.

We played 3 on 3 (7 on 7 if egos are counted) two hand touch and the obvious advantage went to the pair who brought cleats. It was my first appearance in the annual spectacle replacing CR and the Red Dirt Band which was a huge benefit to the Crafty Veteran and Old School Nasty mainly becuase I brought my own shoes and did not require mid drive smoke breaks. The other team consisted of the Intern, a scrappy attorney, and a bartender whose cutthroat defense included showing off the boys mid pass in a sort of nasty shock treatment that rendered the flying pigskin irrelevant compared to the alternative of a sharp cringe and diverting of the eyes.

Anyone who watched Boise St. Little Giants/Rookie of the Year/Mighty Ducks their way past Oklahoma would be under the understandable misconception that trick plays had never been so cleverly utilized. These people were not at Westminister to see the Christians run an unprecedented double reverse pass/hook and ladder which netted us an entire 8 yards. This was followed by a surely illegal little number where it was my job to fire the football as hard as possible at the head of the Crafty Veteran resting on the shoulders of the Crafty Veteran ten yards in front of me. Simultaneously, and Old School Nasty cut is being made across the back of the end zone to catch the pass that the Crafty vet deflects backwards over is head. Did it work? Of course not, but we scored on a subsequent play and won the muddy debacle 49-21. A follow up game would also see us hoist the "avoidance of eternal damnation" trophy 21-14. I went home with a renewed self esteem and predict a year full of taunting in store for the Intern, Scrappy Attorney, and Shock and Awe Bartender.

Congratulations are in order to Old School Nasty for his Nasty engagement to his Old School Lady. I only request that you remember the ol Rail Bird (and other free men) when deciding bridesmaids and the guest list.

My List

2006-12-20T20:30:00.000-05:00

I dont know when the first child was tricked by the notion that you had to be nicer than naughty, or if any child has paid attention to that particular Christmas clause before mid December, but the photo to the left was taken mere minutes ago when someone asked me on which side I find myself as the year draws to a close.

Also I was eating snow.

Truth be told I might have dabbled in both this year and you might get a different answer depending on who you ask. Semantics, lets just assume I've been nice, and thus the list of items I expect Santa to be busy putting the finishing touches on up where he does such things.

An Atlanta sports team with a legitimate shot in the playoffs (not including hockey)

A dominate favorite coming from each region heading into the horse racing classics

All of the above staying healthy and giving a 4 year old campaign a shot

T.O. retires sighting the fact that nobody likes him

Scrubs airs double the amount of new episodes while networks stop creating shows based on a single event (Prison Break, the Ransom thing, etc)

CJ's Landing finds friendly bartendars

Bob Baffert and D Wayne Lukas return to prominence

Comedy Central finds a conservative host to run a parallel and equally entertaining show to Jon Stewart over at The Daily Show

Two SEC football teams meet up for the National Championship game while the Pac 10 does no better than the Meineke Car Care Bowl

Barbaro starts the long career of a champion at stud

Barry Bonds gets beaned more times than he homers

For whatever reason leaves stop falling on my yard

A shortage of moderately competant law students

A horse... nothing special, four legs, blazing speed, preferably alive (see the Criminal Type - Old Friends incident)

Cancel The View Santa, for the love of God cancel The View

Some UGA football night games - I like tailgating for a noon game as much as the next guy but come on, throw me a bone every once in awhile

I'd like a penguin

I'd like to hear nothing else about Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline, tapas, Borat, warm beer, reality television, Kurt & Kyle Busch, PETA, broken down horses, Michael Jackson, Laguna Beach, Rosie O'Donnell, the far left, the far right, Brangelina, labradoodles and merging delays

A short list next year

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2006-12-16T11:46:00.000-05:00

Its hard not to love the holidays.

After spending the last month buried in the library I've finally turned in my last final and walked outside to notice that the holidays are upon us. Other than the overwhelming dread of last minute Christmas shopping, this means only good things for me. This year it means three weeks off from class, it means hosting the New Year's party to end all New Year's parties, and like every year, it means the Gulfstream meet is just around the corner.

Now, the favorite time of the year for most fans of the running horse is the five week span that holds the triple crown in the late spring. Others enjoy the late summer classics and the Breeder's Cup, which I do as well, but nothing compares to the hype and anticipation that kicks off at Gulfstream.

The Derby trail is in itself similar to a horse race. The yearling sales are the break from the gate as I believe the quality of a horses trip can be partially predetermined by its trainer/owner connections. Consider getting Todd Pletcher or Bob Baffert as a clean break while getting, say, me as a trainer, might read in the form as "bobbled start" or "lost rider early." After the break your speed horses are going to shoot to the lead and hope the pace is light so they can hang on. More often than not they cant (Stevie Wonderboy, soon to be Street Sense) and only a special class of horse can keep on the lead for such a long time. (Limehouse, Came Home) At this point we've passed the grandstand for the first time in the Juvenile and we've taken the turn where the early leaders get their pictures taken. But now we're starting in on the backstretch and we see which horses are laboring and which have found a steady stride. You cant win the race at this point but one stupid move and you can damn sure lose it. At this point I have my eye on the Pletcher Juvenile trio and Nobiz Like Showbiz who is threatening to put Albert the Great on the map as a sire.

I've missed a lot since the last post, which was pre Breeder's Cup. The happenings at Churchill have been much discussed since in the last month and a half but I would like to echo the sentiments of those disappointed to see the lose of Pine Island and the career ending injury to Fleet Indian. Its been an awful year for breakdowns in the big races and it scares me the the public who notices the sport 4 days a year might cast to harsh a judgment. The sport today, i think anyway, is safer than ever with the switch many tracks are making to the synthetic Polytrak surface.

Fair Grounds is back after Katrina. Glad to see it, the meet is always entertaining and it always brings a fun cast of characters in the spring.

Russell Baze breaks Pincay's record for career victories. A lot has been said about Baze's work ethic and Cal Ripken like approach to the sport, which is commendable. He's a great guy and I'm glad he got the record. At the same time, I cant include him in the same sentence as Pincay, Shoemaker, Pat Day, Gary Stevens and Jerry Bailey. Russell Baze is to Pat Day what Crash Davis is to Hank Aaron.

I still haven't found a jockey to follow daily since Day retired but I'm taking applications, so please keep them coming. I don't need a Crash Davis but a Nuke Laloosh could be fun. My finalists are Edgar Prado, Garret Gomez, Julien Leparoux and Jermaine Bridgmahon.

I'm hoping the best for jockey Craig Perret, whose Gulfstream meet will start in jail serving time for his 4th DUI. He's best known for his 1990 Derby win aboard Unbridled. I got to meet him a few years back in Louisville and he was an extremely nice guy. Here's hoping he comes out of this okay.

A Mediocre Effort

2006-11-02T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'm more than just a little disappointed with myself this year. The rigors of class and Scrubs reruns have found me lacking in the usual knowledge I pretend to have in the Fall Classic that is the Breeder's Cup. For this I apologize. If, say, one of you were to ask me who I liked in the 6th, my forced reply would contain the words "who's in the 6th?" I'm not happy about this, but all I can do is learn from my mistakes, vow to give it my all going into the Derby Prep season (which I suppose begins Saturday in the Juvenile where we get to eliminate one horse from Derby staradom), and try to steal as much info as possible from those who are giving the day the adequate attention it deserves. If none of you wish to be stupider at the end of this post, I suggest that you stop reading right here and check out one of the following who knows whats going on a little better than I do:

http://handride.blogspot.com/
http://theraceisnottotheswift.blogspot.com/

Good stuff on both, Patrick keeps things updated and on good topic and John has a some race videos which are entertaining.

All of this being said, my concentration will not be on who will win come Saturday (a task I consider too pretentious for myself given my aptitude level) and focus more on who I want to win. This way, I'm always going to be right, unless someone catches me lying to myself which so far only my friends John Dewar, Justerini & Brooks have managed to do.

The Juvenile Fillies - 1 race in and I'm already embarrased. A quick scan reveals Point Ashley did not make the field so I'll go ahead and take Octave with Todd Pletcher and Garret Gomez aboard. Interesting to note that Gomez has the mount on 6-1 Octave while Pletcher's normal go to man John Velazquez sits atop the 10-1 Cotton Blossom. No D. Wayne and no Bobby Baffert makes me a little sad.

The Juvenile - This race should be renamed The Derby Kiss of Death for what its done to past winners. Anybody know the wherabouts of Stevie Wonderboy? Baffert and Lukas both show up here with horses I think I could outrun. Pletcher has 3 studs and he's proven that only an idiot would bet against him this year. Enter me. I will take the Baffert Malt Magic if for no other reason than I like publicity and I want the Pletcher trio to stick around for a Spring run to the Roses. I might be wrong but I've been there before. Most recently with my cereal this morning when I failed to notice that my milk was not okay with a change to November.

The Filly and Mare Turf - Once more Pletcher has 3. Once more I'm blindfolded throwing darts at a map. I will take Ouija Board because I've seen her run and, frankly, it was impressive. I'll move on and hope that no one noticed me comment on this one.

Ah The Sprint - My lock of the day with Henny Hughes. Only problem here is the tendency for a new horse to sneak in the picture (Squirtle Squirt, Cajun Beat, almost Thunderello). Henny's the man and almost classed his way down the triple crown trail with no ability to get the distance. The only thing that has stayed with him on the track this year is the announcer and the betting public. He deserves this one.

The Mile - Uh oh. I've seen a handful of the horses in this one but I'm sentimentally going with Badge of Silver. I was a Badge of Silver fan on his triple crown run in 2003 when he was chasing around Funny Cide and Peace Rules under the care of Ronny Werner. Injuries and trainer changes later, he's back and I wish him the best. Unfortunately Jared from the Subway commercials has a better chance of winning this one than he does.

The Distaff - I actually do like 3 in this one. Spun Sugar, Lemons Forever and Bushfire, unfortunately for ridiculous reasons. I hope you stopped reading before this point, I'm only embarrasing myself.

The Turf - Not wanting to give up my seat on the Pletcher bandwagon I'm taking two of his in this one, English Channel and Go Deputy. Decent chances on these two but there's a lot of class I'm going to have to pretend doesnt exist. I suggest you do the same.

The Classic - This is going to be a real winner of a race. Those of you who remember Brother Derek and Lawyer Ron will get to watch them chase the field in this one. Bernardini is the obvious class but I feel like its really going to be anyone's race. He shouldnt be even money. You're getting great prices on Lava Man and Invasor and you also have such names as Flower Alley, Sun King and Giacomo trying to muddle the picture. The standard fare of Euro invaders are back again with David Junior and George Washington (coincidentally what I will be naming my first 2 children.) Check this one out for a good article on the simmering feud that is Dubai and the Irish. But as I'm not trying to pick a winner but only who I want to win, I'll be going with Perfect Drift. I love the old boy. He shows up for everything, rarely winning but consistently at a long price in the money. Nothing would make me happier than to see him romp home and send the foreign invaders packing.

Again, my apologies for a total lack of competency on my selections this year, but stick around and I'll try and make the upcoming months respectable.

10 Best Horse Races I've Ever Seen

2006-10-17T17:25:00.000-04:00

Though I've been avidly watching the ponies run round the track since I can remember, it's only been in the last 6 or 7 years that I've actually followed them with something other than a two hour Saturday afternoon attention span. Very few races stick out in my mind from seeing them live before 2000 but there are some notable exceptions. Below is my own collection of the ten best races I've seen live at the track or the comfort of my own couch.

Honorable mentions go to Candy Ride's Pacific Classic, any race Say Florida Sandy, Xtra Heat, or Hallowed Dreams showed up for, every Derby 2002-2006 with the exception of Giacomo's 2005 debacle, Thunderello and Orientate's BC Sprint, Funny Cide's Preakness, a crazy Japanese race with a horse named Deep Impact, Cigar's loss going for #17, the 2 year old campaign that was Officer, the best of Left Bank and Ghostzapper, Lemon Drop Kid's Belmont and Thunder Gulch's Derby.

10. Churchill Downs Distaff, November 3, 2001 - Once the obsession bug got me it was my every waking thought to drag anyone who would take me to the track. I'd been to Calder and the once lively Birmingham Turf Club in my younger days but at that point a horse to me was merely something to be cleaned up after. Back to 2001 where my dad and I hit the road for Kentucky in what was probably the most perfectly timed weekend of my life. It was Pat Day bobble head doll day. Some would say they're life sized. Anyways, in the 9th race Pat Day had a Gulch filly named Nasty Storm who I was big on and I bet her as such. What makes this one memorable was a three part scenario. My roommate back in Athens gave me money to bet John Ward's Forest Secrets in what turned out to be a few of the most convaluted wagers I'd ever seen at a race track. The lady at the window actually stopped me half way through to ask how old I was, no matter, I made the bets and the gates opened. What happened next is an odd phenomenon in sports where all tact and dignity goes out the window. I dont know whether I had ever yelled, "run you slow son of a bitch" as loudly or as close to an older family member in my life which might have been awkward if he wasn't drowning me out with a slew of oddly connected vulgarities. I hope for both of our souls that God couldnt hear us over the track announcer but then he might have been heavy on the 6 horse with us and cut us some slack. Heaven knows I got that horse in the winner's circle and followed it up with getting Mr. Day (all time favorite horseman in any capacity) to autograph over Nasty Storm's racing form history. Great day.

9. Test Stakes, July 27, 2001: The highly anticipated showdown between undefeated Carson Hollow (who had won her first four races by 27 1/2 lengths) and the Bobby Frankle trained You. This might be the best stretch run I've ever been priviledged enough to witness. Carson Hollow set scorching fractions alone on the lead but was caught at the top of the stretch by You, who would make the Test her 5th Grade I victory. Carson Hollow hung on and neither gave an inch battling down to the wire, but it was You who would cross first by a whisker in 1:22 over the 7 furlongs. You went on to greatness before hitting the breeding shed and Carson Hollow tragically died from complications of colic surgery a year later. The Test lives on.

8. Breeders Cup Classic - October 27, 2001: I know I'm going a little heavy on the 2001 campaign here but these were honestly great races. The Breeder's Cup is all star day for horse racing and the Classic is the all star race amongst the all stars. Tiznow was coming off a spectacular nose victory over Irish powerhouse Giant's Causeway in the 2000 Classic and not many people thought he had a shot to repeat in 2001. The new British invader was Sakhee and the crowd backed him as though he was Napolean showing up on foreign soil. My favorite horse of all time, Albert the Great, had announced his retirement in a teary press conference citing his desire to travel a little bit, spend more time with his family, and hook up with 125 of the hottest fillies in the world following this, his last race. Al didnt disappoint dueling on the lead with Orientate (who had no business being in the Classic, though he'd win the Sprint the next year) before being caught by Tiznow and the foreign invader late in the stretch. Tiznow nosed out his second straight, Albert held on for third on his way to the shed, and Sakhee learned what the British, the Japanese, Hideo Nomo, and David Hasselhoff had all learned before him. You just dont show up and beat the Americans.

7. Kentucky Derby, May 7, 1989: The first race I can specifically remember watching. The pride of the east and the pride of the west squaring off with Easy Goer, under Pat Day, a better than even money favorite. Sunday Silence, the western invader, got the better of him on a horribly slow, horribly muddy track and again in the Preakness before Easy Goer got him in the Belmont. Sunday Silence would get the better of him again by a neck in November's Breeder's Cup Classic. I'm not happy with my parents' choice to bring me into this world after Affirmed and Alydar had their day in the sun but Easy Goer-Sunday Silence was nothing short of spectacular.

6. Blue Grass Stakes, April something or other 2004: Had the priviledge of attending this one. It was a pre-Derby clash of the three year old titans with The Cliff's Edge, Limehouse, Action This Day, Preachinatthebar, and Lion Heart all taking part. Wasnt actually much of a race, so maybe I shouldnt have it at #6 but short of the Breeder's Cup and the 3 classics you won't ever get to see this much talent in one race. The Cliff's Edge pulled out the victory under sometime country singer/jockey/complainer Shane Sellers for Nick Zito edging out Lion Heart who if memory serves me correctly would go on to finish second in the Derby.

5. Louisiana Derby, March 9, 2003: Again, I got to go down to the Big Easy for this my introduction to the French Quarter as much the Fair Grounds. Another clash of greats as Baffert's Kafwain and Badge of Silver went off as the favorites above an odd Frankle shipper named Peace Rules and a gutsy gelding from New York named Funny Cide. It was Peace Rules who took the day over Kafwain and Funny Cide though in a bizarre twist, and I'm not making this up, Kafwain would fail a drug test and get taken down off the board. Badge of Silver has just made a recent return to the track, Peace Rules and Kafwain hit the breddingshed shortly thereafter and Funny Cide runs on, oblivious to all female horse attention. Sad really.

4. Florida Derby, March 18, 2002: What I remember about this one was the whole Miami experience. Having never spent any substantial time down there before, my dad and I toured the finer parts on the city including the jai-alai arena/thingy. If you've never watched jai-alai, it involves throwing a golf ball a hundred yards off a brick wall while the opponent has to catch it in some unholy lacrosse stick/horn/thingy and throw it back off the wall. Shadiest "sport" i've ever seen but the old people eat it up down there. I was fortunate enough to see jose in the arena drop the golf ball and lose while the 85 year old woman next to me yells "SON OF A BITCH!!", throws her betting ticket on the floor, grabs her walker and heads for the door. Odds are good I was asleep in the hotel room before she made it. I digress. This was the spring of Harlan's Holiday and Booklet down in Florida with Booklet winning each race by decreasing margins. The Holiday caught him in the Florida Derby, and went on to be a 6-1 favorite on the most bizarre Derby field I've ever seen. Booklet was never the same and died two years later from Colic.

3. Belmont Stakes, June 5, 2004: This was the day I got to see Mary Lou Whitney apologize for winning the Belmont. Outstanding. We all know the story, Smarty Jones goes for at, gets it, and has it snatched back in the last minute by some Birdstone character. I was in a hotel room in Savannah watching it and could not speak for the 15 minutes following. I actually looked out the window and saw a flag and half mast at the post office and aknowledged that they'd already heard. Turns out over on ABC, CBS and FOX Ronald Reagan had died but at the moment it seemed ill timed on his part. I've never seen a race where so many people called me later to ask if I was okay and offer condolences. I probably never will again.

2. The Preakness Stakes, May 21, 2005: The greatest rebound I've ever seen. I dont know what the hell Scrappy T was trying to pull but it made for the best horse racing moment of my generation. Afleet Al drops to knee like he's proposing then hops up and dominates. You all saw it, it was great.

1. Kentucky Derby, First Saturday in May 2001: This race was the reason I stepped up the interest. Had it been a crappy race with nobody in it, this might be a NASCAR blog. Instead I got to see the horse of a different color, Monarchos (above), Point Given, Dollar Bill (who maintained his own blog despite lacking opposable thumbs), Invisible Ink, A.P. Valentine, Balto Star, Songandaprayer (Bobby Hurley owned stud who set the fastest fractions in Derby history before more or less collapsing at the quarter pole), and Congaree. The trophy had been handed to Point Given before the gate opened but it was Monarchos who took the day. Second fastest Derby winner next to Secretariat and only the Big Red Machine had a more memorable Derby call.

Lost In The Fog

2006-09-18T21:04:00.000-04:00

2.4.2002 - 9.18.2006

Lost In The Fog lost the good fight today. He'll be missed.

Throwing The Hat In The Ring

2006-09-15T12:38:00.000-04:00

Every September the who's who of the horse world congregates in Lexington, Kentucky to sort through thousands of would be Derby winners and champions in search of the best one they can afford. From time to time this gets difficult. In January of this year we tried to buy a couple of mares in a different Keeneland sale and quickly found ourselves in over our heads.

We settled in on a classy mare who had just been retired and bred to Breeder's Cup Sprint winner Speightstown, who commands a $40k stud fee. The mare aborted the foal which brings down her value but as I see Speightstown as maybe a $15k stud I liked the sudden value we were going to get on the horse. Turns out so did the former US Ambassador to Great Britian, Will Farish, whose pockets run a little deeper than mine. If Mr Farish plays at the level of a 747, I'm at the level of a flying mallard. Half a million later and the mare was gone.

Half a million. Sounds like alot but its about average for a classy mare. What we're seeing out of the Keeneland yearling sale as a long way away from average. Downright obscene. In an auction where the sale topper is normally about 2 or 3 million dollars, Dubai has come to town and spent close to $60 million on about 30 yearlings. You do the math. The chart topper being an $11.7 million Kingmambo colt with 3 or 4 others over the $7 million mark. The leading money winner among actively racing horses has made around $4 million. What this tells me is that the racing is now irrelevant. It's a means to an end, that end being the breeding shed. What in the hell is going on here?

2003 Kentucky Derby winner Funny Cide is still racing. Why is this? Is it because he's somehow more sound than the other horses who get retired with various injuries as three year olds? Nope. Is it luck that he's avoided trouble? A little, but most avoid it. How does he run 40 times over 5 years when the others are barely going 10 in 2? He's a gelding and as such is worthless in the shed. Dont think I'm against the money. There's a lot of pressure on an owner holding a $30 million check that may not be there in a year if not taken now. I hate it, but its a part of the game now. What really chaps me though, is the gaudy practice of throwing around money to get respect. Think 5 foot man driving a Hummer. Is it really any reward to win the Derby when you own every horse running in it? I hope none of them amount to anything. I hope the $16 million The Green Monkey never wins a race and proves to be infertile. Let the average man play the game too. And let the game be played on the track, not in the breeding shed.

Good Picture Of Me

2006-09-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

My little brother found this picture of the crowd at an Oasis concert at the Ryman Auditorium in March. If you look at the front row of the balcony just to the right of the middle of the picture you'll see a good looking guy in a black shirt and kahki pants standing to the right of two people sitting down. It's me. Say hello if you see me around town.

With The 1st Pick Of The 2006 NFL Draft...

2006-08-31T13:48:00.000-04:00

There's a lot of pressure in sports. A lot. Whether trying to justify a $25 million a year contract or merely trying to quiet the bleachers at a little league baseball game.

Incidentally, I have a problem with the strategic advice getting tossed out from the crowd to the 9 year old Mighty Casey whose best game of the year involved two foul balls. A handful of those that get to me the most:

1. Keep your eye on the ball! - As opposed to what exactly? Has slow kid been staring at the left fielder? I would defy the crowd to say something less helpful. Oh wait, here's a couple.

2. Make him pitch to you! - Are you kidding me? What the hell is the poor kid supposed to do now? So instead of a goofy right fielder hitting .190 at the plate you have a confused goofy right fielder about to be hitting .187. Nice job "coach," while you're handing out common sense tasks, go ahead and have the third baseman dodge the bat that's about to fly out of Babe Ruth's hands as he flails wildly in the vague direction of the ball that he just made get pitched to him. Good thinking.

3. Be a hitter! - Finally we give the kid something he can do. He gets an honorable mention of sorts because while he did strike out on 3 pitches it must be said that he was in fact a hitter as his alcoholic father requested from the bleachers. Kudos for staying at the plate, kid.

So anyways, there's pressure being on the field. Always has been with sports, its to be expected. What I didn't see coming was the increasing level of pressure placed on the average fan. Its here and its here in the form of fantasy football. For my ever growing international audience, those of you who haven't left your internet free homes in a couple years, and my grandmother who concerns herself mainly with the San Antonio Spurs, fantasy football involves drafting individual players to create your own "team" which scores points based on the individual performances of its players. This has revolutionized the way the average fan watches football games. An example, last season I had Reggie Wayne playing for the Colts against the team my kicker played for. The kicker's name escapes me. My goal is only for those two players to do well, so if I see Peyton let one fly and it's not heading in the direction of Mr Wayne, Im hoping it gets dropped. When the ball got handed to Edgerrin James I want to see him get crushed for 10 yard losses. Why? This gives my receiver more potential yards to pick up. Rooting for a kicker is more bizarre. Now I want my team to get to the other team's 35 yard line and hit a brick wall. Why, I want my kicker to get a shot at a long field goal. I couldn't care less who wins the game but I'm all of the sudden a huge football fan.

All of this to get me to the point. I possess the first pick of 2006 NFL fantasy draft. That's pressure. Conventional wisdom tells me I have to take a running back, but which one? Last year was a disaster. I took the ever solid Priest Holmes with my first round pick and boldly resisted offers for Larry Johnson so as to avoid having two running backs from the same team. Priest Holmes broke every bone in his body, so it seems, and LJ ran for about 800 yards a game. Maybe I was wrong. It's no secret that I'm a horrible sports gambler but a sure thing should be a sure thing. Here's my sure thing options for the 1st pick of Monday's draft:

1. LJ
2. Sean Alexander
3. Ladanian Tomlinson
4. Samkon Gado who I will in turn trade to my roommate for his 1st and 2nd round picks as well as a player to be named later.
5. Brett Favre who, to my wayward coinhabitor, is worth 3 Samkon Gados

I'll probably go with option 4 and refer to this season as the "Samkon Gado project." Sure, you and I both know Gado doesn't have the game to be the Texans 5th string running back. But for whatever reason the Crafty Veteran does not, so I'll have to ruin his season. Of course, in getting his first two picks I'll have to find a place on my roster for DJ Shockley and LeBron James. Wish me luck.

Tough Week For The Ponies

2006-08-24T21:03:00.000-04:00

Every now and then a new horse comes along and reminds you of the incredible hope that supports the sport of kings. It's the reason grown men spend more money on a horse than a house, its the awe in which we hand the Derby winner the Preakness, its the tingle even the casual fan gets when he sees a two year old colt break his maiden by 7 lengths. Hope keeps the sport afloat. It keeps investors investing and it keeps the young and old clutching 2 dollar win tickets like they need the 4 dollars on the line to pay the rent.

It's been a rough year for the sport. Scrolling ESPN tickers that should announce "Bluegrass Cat wins Haskell" instead read "Barbaro grazes for first time." We had a Derby prep season that didnt include Pat Day, Jerry Bailey or Gary Stevens for the first time since the 1970s. This week it got worse.

It was announced last weekend that 2005 Sprinter of the Year Lost In The Fog has inoperable cancer and his promising life will soon be cut short. Many of you remember The Fog for his 9 race winning streak and his crusty old owner who asked a dimwitted ESPN reporter on national television if "he was really going to compare owning a champion race horse to fighting in the battle of the god damned bulge." The 4 year old is spending his remaining days at Golden Gate Park before the impending hour that will be his last.

Also this week, 2005 Horse of the Year and Breeders Cup Classic winner Saint Liam had a freak accident in his paddock at Lane's End farm and shattered the bone in his hind leg. At 6 years old he had to be put down. The Saint won about $4.5 million at the track and was going for $50,000 a pop through his first and only season at stud.

This isnt the first time a horse found tragedy and it certainly wont be the last. For every Lost In The Fog there's a Carson Hollow or a Left Bank, both world class sprinters who met early ends. For every Saint Liam there is an Alydar, though some claim his end was less than accidental. For every Barbaro there is a Charismatic. But then there's the day after. While the racing world held its collective breath the day after Charismatic's broken Belmont, his trainer, D Wayne Lukas, saddled a maiden filly named Cash Run who would win her first race by 15 and 3/4 lengths on the way to winning more than $900,000 and a Breeders Cup Juvenile Fillies championship. Point being that while we never forget the Ruffians that left before their time we still have hope in the horse who runs tomorrow. We have Bernardini, the Preakness winner, looking to continue his hot streak at the Travers on Saturday, we have 4 current triple crown race winners currently in training, we have a $16 million dollar 2 year old colt named The Green Monkey waiting to take the track for the first time in Todd Pletcher's care and we have the horse on the horizon, the one we'll meet later. The racing world has its highs and lows, it always has, but keep the hope because while we mourn the champions we lose, we continue to hold our breath for the champion who runs tomorrow, whatever his name is.

A Day Between The Hedges

2006-07-27T17:45:00.000-04:00

I know I'm jumping the gun but for the life of me I just don't care.

They say in the South that there are two seasons, football season and spring football season. They say this because NASCAR lasts all year instead of being subdivided, else we'd gain 2 more seasons. I like to cram as many seasons as possible into a single year so I've taken the liberty of adding the Braves, the NCAA tournament, the Triple Crown and the Breeder's Cup as seasons all their own. One odd year there was a wiffle ball homerun derby season but I don't have time to go into that. Point being, its football season.

Now, like teachers and coworkers its second nature to imagine that people you only know in one aspect of life remain there even when you're not looking. Hell, it shook my world to bump into my regular package store cashier lady at a gas station the other day. I couldn't understand what she was doing there, she lives at Green's. Turns out she has a husband, he being the only man I suspect she sees more than me. So believe me when I say I understand that you think I must live on the rail. I mean c'mon, it's obvious. Turns out I have a life of my own which can be verified by a few select friends and the sweet little, apparently married, Asian lady who no longer needs to see my ID at Green's. In this particular life I love football and the tailgating that goes along with it.

There's a burden on the guy who likes tailgating just a little bit more than the people around him and it usually comes out to about $40 and 3 hours. You see, we occupy a choice little piece of real estate on the North Campus lawn at the University of Georgia. I occupy it at dawn with an Atlanta Journal, a coke, and a piercing head ache that surely could have been avoided if I'd only gotten 7 more hours of sleep. This is where you find the best conversation of the day with the other die hards holding spots while their friends sleep. Danny Ware gonna play? How bout that UTEP line? Fulmer getting fired this week? Which SEC school do you think has the ugliest fans? Okay, other than Florida and Tennessee. You think Herschel could have run over Lavarr Arrington? Whatcha cooking? All of these questions get answered with a level of detail that makes the Warren Commission look like a Hot Pocket cook book. Then the people trickle in. They bring chairs, footballs, coolers, advil, but it doesn't matter, its all already been there since 7 o'clock along with the previously setup grill.

Allow me to get sidetracked for a minute if you will. There's only one purchase (rhymes with 'run you son of a bitch!!') in my life that has proven to be as fulfilling and agonizing as the little red Thermos Grill 2 Go I picked up before last season. Day one the legs prove insufficient to hold the weight of the grill (a puzzling engineering feat if I've ever seen one) and snaps at one of the corners. This makes leveling the thing damn near impossible and I can tell you what part of the grill your burger was cooked on by the taste. Day two the ignition switch cuts out on me and I'm reduced to turning up the propane, removing the surface and dropping a match to get the thing started. Folks, I'm pretty sure this will one day kill me. If I saw on the news that somebody did this and paid the consequences, I'd swear to you that they must have been dropped off by a bus that didn't exactly extend to a full depth. Still, it's our method. The grill was on sale, the burgers are delicious, stop by this season.

We as Georgia fans got lucky with our schedule last year with a couple early night games which means my day of fishing around a cooler lasts longer than most people are awake. It also means the cleanup show would be worth the price of admission. Its chaos in the dark with people scrambling all over for items long since collected. It always gets tight because we stretch the day to its max and someone always has to make the choice between kickoff and their cooler or chair. We don't miss kickoff. I have friends who would say goodbye to family pets like Noah closing the doors on the Arc if it interfered with the "Glory Glory" bugle and the Larry Munson UGA football history lesson. I'm told the Auburn Tigers have a bird that people like to watch fly around as well. Now, I don't actually go to but about a game or two a year. I leave that for the high rollers and college kids. We stumble downtown with the low rollers and twenty somethings to wherever has the game with the best view. Always Larry Munson, we let Verne Lundquist talk to the people without radios. The Dawgs win, normally failing to cover the line, and all of Athens rambles out for a night on the town with us. Its a beautiful thing.

You can see it first hand on September 2nd when Western Kentucky comes down to scare the bejeezus out of us before we recover and come 2 points shy of the line Mark Richt is so terrified to cross. Tailgating season is upon us, see you there...

Agony And Ecstasy

2006-07-26T21:43:00.000-04:00

There's a saying about God opening a door and someone peeking inside your window, or something of the sort, which basically means that all to often we've opened the wrong outlet to the world around us and end up screwed. Have I told you about Snitch?

Snitch departed us last week, for the great paddock on the other side of the Belmont barn. She was claimed. Following the news of my most previous post this bit of information prompted a handful of you to call me on the hour for a few days to make sure "I was still with us." I am "with us" indeed, though until recently locked in my room with pain killers and assorted bottles of liquor. Not the fun fruity liquors with pirates and beaches on the labels but the dark stuff alternatively used to run tractors. I'm better now.

More on Snitch. We didn't exactly "make a profit" on the whole experience but if horse racing excitement could be bottled and sold I'd be able to "pay the electric bill" and eat meats that don't "come in cans." In my infamous reign as minority horse owner I went 0-2-1 in 3 starts, decent numbers for a jockey but I wanted a win photo. The only photo encapusalting my current feelings of Snitch appears to the upper right. No no, I don't mean of a horse at sunset. You'll kindly notice she's not running and she's certainly not winning. These are the moments you take with you. I'm not happy. First off, though continuously the betting favorite, and continuously finishing in the money, trainer Bruce Levine continuously dropped her in class until she became a steal at $14,000. It should be noted that she ran her last race, 6 1/2 furlongs, in 1:17 and change, a little quicker than her wal mart like price tag would indicate. She was going to Saratoga. Still, other horses are in the future and when I have enough money to switch back to Bud Light from my current PBR I'll get back in the game. It's frustrating to own a horse you've never seen running on a track you've never been to. I'll the same I loved the experience of having her and wouldn't trade a second of it...unless of course it was for a horse who won.

As low as the horse world had me I knew it wouldn't let go of me completely and my luck would change. It changed.

After a long talk with my brother about the dangers of rushing into matrimony and the hardships that lay ahead for a man so committed he agreed it would be prudent to push the wedding back, say, to June 2nd to give him some time to ponder.

DERBY PARTY BACK ON!!!!

I'm hereby canceling all Derby festivities thrown by all of you collectively and consider this my "e-vite" for festivities of my own. The year is saved, yours and mine. I'm told Barbaro improved drastically upon receiving word of the news and horses all over are doubling efforts to make the show.

I dare anyone to try and otherwise occupy my time May 5th next year. I'd like to take this moment to assert my position that shotgun weddings are to be avoided and to announce my policy on skipping them. Those of you in attendance would do well to adjust your habits accordingly.

It's a beautiful summer with Saratoga back in bloom, the stars coming out for the summer classics, the two year olds breaking maidens and making names and Deputy Glitters winning races in West Virginia.

Enjoy the roller coaster!

A Day No Horses Run

2006-07-01T10:29:00.000-04:00

Several of you have already heard the tragic news. Some with a pirate like gleam of greed in the eye.

Next year there will be no Derby.

Give me a second, I promised myself I'd make it through this.

Okay.

Let me start at the beginning. I don't quite know why the cosmos sets up arbitrary rules to which high society must adhere to stay afloat but it does. For reasons unknown to me I'm not allowed to discuss politics or religion to a stranger on Marta, I can't wear my snazzy white pants after Labor Day and I often catch grief for drinking hard liquor in the morning. One of these universal rules is that the closer you set your wedding to the Derby the better chance you have of making it. I briefly considered squeezing my wedding into the two minute duration itself but then I'd miss the stretch call, my year would be ruined and our marriage wouldnt survive. So my brother, no stranger to superstition, figures if he's going to get married it might as well work. This is a relatively new idea in my family but seems recently to be catching on. And I say good for him. Seriously, a wedding is probably more important than a horse race and each time I reapeat that I get a little closer to not crying. Spelled plainly, the bro is getting married Derby day. I know what you're thinking, wish him well and have someone send me pictures later. No can do, I'll be there, and without regret. Here's where it gets interesting.

I told a handful of people the news when they asked why I was standing out on the ledge. Already 3 or 4 Brutus's are casting lots for my clothing. Now everyone and their brother is throwing a Derby party. My next thought, throw a Preakness party. Jubilation, the year is saved! Alas, another wedding. Damn you people. So here's what we've got, a young lad locked in his room hitting rock bottom (that's me), a couple happy couples (that's you), Bruti lurking around every corner (you know who you are), and the best damn Belmont party the city of Atlanta has ever tried to prevent on the horizon.

We're not in uncharted territory here. The Derby surged forward through obstacles far and wide. I've missed two graduations (one of which was the groom's) and more recently the passing of one of my favorite uncles which I tried to keep to myself until after the party. The Belmont this year saw me standing at a Jacksonville podium reading from the book of John at my cousin's wedding wondering if Pletcher had Bluegrass Cat tuned up enough to catch the distance. The moment Afleet Alex hit the wire in the 2005 Belmont I left my Athens hotel room and stumbled over to a friends wedding. A day with a cooler and Bob Costas. I'm told the wedding was beautiful.

I ask that you not shed any tears for me. At the same time I realize you cant help it and that's fine. I'm whole heartedly looking forward to both of the weddings as each of the grooms is a great guy who deserves the moment.

All the same, when tears of joy are flowing look twice at mine. We'll see you June 9th.

The Return Of the Queen

2006-06-27T18:16:00.000-04:00

Snitch is back. Everyone may exhale. After a "Campaign of Greatness" in which my gutsy Dixie Union filly took 2 agonizing months off, scratched as the favorite and watched the hindquarters of a longshot in her most recent stretch drive, Snitch will be back in action at the 5th at Belmont on Wednesday. The race placement was tough as we labored between the $250,000 Grade 1 Mother Goose Stakes on Saturday or a $16,000 claimer on Wednesday. Slight chance of rain this weekend, we'll be running Wednesday. What's disappointing is that for the first time under my management she'll not be running as the favorite, but at 3-1 behind the 5-2 Fidget. Snitch and Fidget, it'll be an easy stretch call for the track announcer.

After a sub-superhorse 2nd place finish a few weeks ago, you're probably thinking, "Rail, why do you like her so much in this one?" A few reasons.

1. She ran a 65 Beyer Speed Figure in the Belmont slop her last time out (a 9 point improvement since the race we claimed her). This ties with Fidget as highest Beyer last time out. I didn't even make it to class on rainy days.

2. The last start was coming on the heels of a 61 day layoff. You bums ever hit the treadmill after taking 2 weeks off? Do you run at all? Until you do, after 2 months on the couch, you're not allowed to judge this as a negative against my horse. Walk a mile in her horse shoes.

3. Bruce Levine - Mike Luzzi trainer jockey combo winning at 27% clip. This is good.

4. I own her. Why the hell would I support another horse?

5. The Due Theory - I'm a huge fan of the Due Theory which suggests things like an Atlanta Braves meltdown, a strong Atlanta Hawks draft, a Belmont without a triple crown hopeful, Georgia's impending string of victories over Florida, perhaps a date one Friday night. Snitch hasn't won since November of '05, similar to her owner, and stands to be a prime candidate to be next in line for The Due Theory.

Those of you with TVG are the lucky ones for I predict a race day stoppage of upwards of 35 minutes after her race to celebrate the victory. I envision a scene not unlike Kasey Kahne pulling into a Daytona winner's circle with champagne and beer flowing everywhere. But maybe not, it would probably spook the horse. Either way, please let me know, I'll be in the warehouse hiding between two cabinets with a cell phone to one ear and a smile to the other.

The Saturday Heat Stroke

2006-06-18T14:33:00.000-04:00

I wise movie producer once told me that heaven is a playground, and he may be right. But the playground he's talking about happens to be indoors, air conditioned and located somewhere other than the equator. The playground that found myself and the 3 bloggers whose links appear to the right was none of these. Before I ever touched a basketball I realized I had already made 3 critical mistakes in my planning. I showed up a little after noon in a black shirt without a drink. Doomed from the get go. Now, for my ever growing international audience, the summer climate in the state of Georgia borders tropical without the water. It's too hot to rain down here. Fish swim deeper, birds don't fly and dogs chase squirrels at a slow jog. Couple this with my lack of breakfast and the fact I hadn't touched a basketball in 6 months and I was set for a bad day.

We switched the teams up every game so that everyone got a chance to win for the 2 games they werent paired with the black clad heat stroke waiting to happen. My first game with Old School Nasty as a teammate resulted in a close loss and purple spots in my vision. I can run on a treadmill in the air conditioning all day long but 5 minutes into the first game I was confident I was about to die. A contributing factor could have been the series of scotches I put down not 10 hours earlier. I swear my teammate was sweating saphire gimlets. I headed for the water fountain. As any of you who have ever been to a public park know, water fountains are merely for decoration. In the 1,000 state parks in the state of Georgia there may be 4 functional water fountains. I don't know if somebody upstairs was looking out for me or if it just wasn't my day to die but warm odd tasting water came gurgling from the spout and I bought myself an extra hour of life.

Round 2 was the prelude to dominance with the Intern. I say prelude because we got beat by a small margin and I fell to 0-2. It was also my first taste at gaurding the Old School Nasty-Crafty Veteran combo which proved to be both crafty and nasty. OSN displayed a liberal use of the elbows as a means of backing me in down low and the Vet lit us up from the perimeter. I should say that I don't know anyone more injury prone than the Crafty Veteran. A couple of trick knees, 5 bad ankles, a bad back, a sty in the eye his doctor found the day before and you've got the whole picture. The sty might still be a question mark as his doctor admitted he's misdiagnosed 3 of them in the previous week and all 3 patients ended up with shingles. When Aetna Health Insurance collapses the Crafty Veteran will have been the catalyst. It should be noted that he also posesses one of the sweetest jump shots I've ever seen. I was on hand to see him win a 3 point shooting contest at the ESPN Zone by hitting 14 3's in a minute. I let the Intern gaurd him.

Round 3 came and went and I'd now given everyone the opportunity to lose with me. Spread the wealth I like to say. But then something happened. I dont know what was in the warm odd tasting water but the Intern and I stepped up our game and took control of the afternoon. OSN was getting a little tired and I tripped up the CV a few times and the route was on. With my mid range jumper that the NBA scouts refer to as "almost mediocre" and the Intern's ability to slash through the lane we dominated in self esteem crushing fashion. Say what you will about me but I refuse to get beaten by a guy with shingles. I'm a man of principle. Another dominant win and my day of getting posted up by the OSN and claiming I do the things that don't show up in the box score came to an end. I wasn't sure whether I was more proud of the wins or the fact I was still alive. Let this be a warning to future opponents, I'll be back with a lighter shirt and a water bottle and I will be a force to be reckoned with. For the first ten minutes anyways.

Catching The Elusive Snitch

2006-06-07T21:08:00.000-04:00

I suppose we can all remember certain milestones in our lives. The first day of school, first time behind the wheel, first kiss, first beer, first time hearing a race call with your own horse running. Yep, the things we all experience. I hit one of these milestones today as the golden Snitch made her debut under my minority ownership (that just leaves you, first kiss) in the slop of Belmont. In 50 years you can tell your grand kids you know the true origins of this soon to be official national holiday.

It was the first at Belmont today, a $16,000 claimer on a mile stretch of dirt so sloppy to navigate that Noah would have felt forsaken. The dazzling Snitch went off the 8-5 favorite. New York gamblers are known for betting greatness when they see it. This was at about 1:05 PM EST, a moment that found me out in my company's warehouse crouched in between cabinets listening to the call of the race on the phone. My phone's counterpart was placed next to my father's TV which carried the race on TVG, in picture I'm told.

The break was clean for every horse I cared about, which is to say Snitch broke alertly under jockey Mike Luzzi and settled into 4th after a 1/4 mile in 23 and change, 4 and 1/2 lengths behind early speed Pretty Partisan. After a 1/2 Snitch had swallowed up enough ground to be sitting alone in second, a 1/2 length back of the obviously overmatched early speed Pretty Partisan who looked like a fat kid getting chased by the police. At the top of the stretch I got up and began making my way over to the winner's circle mentally trying to figure out which lucky apartment wall would get to display the win photo. As far as I was concerned the race was over as soon as Snitch made her inevitable move. It was a little bit like the feeling of watching Michael Jordan initiate a fast break. I say this with a heavy heart and misted eyes, but it wasnt meant to be.

Just as Snitch should have made her move she didnt, aparantly in disapproval of the slop which would have sank the Argonauts if given the opportunity. If the French navy had to sail through conditions like these on the way to help us out of the American Revolution we'd all be speaking English right now. Snitch, ever the debutante only I could come to own in a minority fashion, faded 4 more lengths back to finish in 2nd, 4 lengths ahead of 3rd place Roxanne's Dancer. Obviously overmatched early speed fat kid Pretty Partisan turned out to be the late speed as well and romped home the 8-1 victor. The emotionless bastard calling the race didnt even cry. Still, I know a foul when I hear one third hand and it was pretty obvious to me and those in the warehouse who heard me yell that Snitch's progress was obviously impeded and the blatantly cheating obviously overmatched early speed fat kid that was Pretty Partisan needed to be taken down in the best interest of all that is fair and honest in this world. I dont like to raise bribe allegations but the stewards went ahead and made the results official though I'm confident subsequent testing will show that no horse could have beaten Snitch like that without the help of growth hormones, pain killers or enhancement creams which Dateline suggests can be easily bought over any Mexican pharmacy counter.

The silver lining surrounding the dark cloud of only annihlating 5 of 6 competitors is that Snitch went unclaimed and will remain under the tutelage of Bruce Levine through her next campaign, hopefully at a higher class. Roxanne's Dancer was the only horse claimed.

Suffice it to say I was unable to get any real work done this afternoon as I pondered the positives of the day's events.

1. The race was a great tune up after an agonizing 2 month layoff. Look for a much improved second start under Levine.

2. She came out sound. The typhoon that sank George Clooney's fishing boat was no match for my gutsy filly.

3. Snitch was easily the best named horse in the race. At trivia this would have won me a free pitcher of Bud Light.

4. She didnt get claimed. Be on gaurd wall, for I predict a win photo to adorn you in the very near future.

5. She can move up in class. Obviously superior to the common tramps she beat, I'm hoping Snitch moves up a claiming level or two to give it a shot with the girls who dont give it up so easily.

6. I did get paid a little. 2% of the 80% remaining from the 20% of the purse we won isnt much, but after trainer and vet expenses I still have enough left to buy the first responder a drink on our next night out on the town. If you cover the tip.

The Blue Monster

2006-06-01T18:19:00.000-04:00

Getting tickets to a Braves game used to go a little something like this:

My Dad: I need 3 tickets on the first base line, and what time does the game start?
Ticket Lady: What time can you get here?

Times have changed a bit, as has the level of play. Growing up in the deep south you either liked the Braves or whatever minor league team happened to be playing in your city, both equally as talented. I remember going to see Ken Obrekfell, Dwight Evans, Zane Smith, Pascual Perez, Glenn Hubbard and the great Dale Murphy in my youth from whatever seat in the house I chose. So far this season we've been removed from a section we snuck down into 4 times. In 1986 Bruce Benedict would let you sit in the dugout if you bought him a hot dog.

I love Turner Field, it's easily one of the top 5 or 6 best looking parks in America along with the handful of historical landmarks and in my opinion Camden Park. While we dont have a man sliding into a draft beer after every homerun like Milwaukee might, we do have a well designed bar in straight away center field where any opposing center fielder can be heckled from on a given quiet night. 20 Years ago you could heckle anyone on the field from the upper decks.

I saw a kid eat a live grasshopper last week at a game. He was offered what appeared to be 2 dollars for the performance. You don't get to see this kind of shenanigans at home. I saw a kid sprint to the bathroom to throw up a grasshopper at the same game. Maybe its the slow pace, maybe its the time honored tradition or maybe its the way the beer lady's remaining tooth glistens in the stadium lighting when she smiles at you after you outrun the 7th inning stretch beer call, but I feel at home with my Braves on a random Wednesday night with 30,000 of my closest friends. I'll be there again on Tuesday if you're up for it as well.

Since Russ Nixon and Chuck Tanner the Braves have always been my constant. Regardless of anything, I knew I could count on Skip Carey, Don Sutton and the boys to get me to sleep for 6 months a year with a steady play by play through a cheap sony radio I still consider an icon of my childhood. A wise man once told me, "Baseball is a simple game. You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball, you win, you lose, sometimes it rains." Through any rain in my life, the sony kept bringing me the noise of Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. Win or lose, rain or shine, the veterans at AFCS or the rookies at Turner Field, the dominant pitching of Greg Maddux, the clutch hitting of Fred McGriff, the role playing or Jeff Treadway, Jeff Blauser, the hired hands of Kenny Lofton, Gary Sheffield, Andres Galaraga the swagger of Deion, the patient brilliance of Cox, Yost, Mazzone, Williams, Corrales, Schuerholtz, the dawn of Javy, Klesko, Chipper, Andruw, Furcal, the sunset of Dennis Martinez, Smoltz in the pen, Smoltz in the rotation, the enthusiasm of Greg Olson and Marcus Giles, the Dan Kolbs and John Rockers, Juan Buerengers and Pedro Borbons, Otis Nixons and Edgar Renterias, Sid Bream sliding into home, Kirby Puckett climbing the fence, the Braves have been there, always on the edge, always in contention, always on, always constant. Whether in the Chop House at Turner Field, the second row at AFCS, TBS on a barstool or a 2nd grade kid falling asleep wondering if Mike Stanton and Mark Wohlers can finally close the deal, the Braves have always been there, and they always will be.

See you Tuesday.....

Commercial Pioneer

2006-05-30T21:44:00.000-04:00

Anyone who handed the ball off to Craig Ironhead Heyward in one version of Tecmo Bowl or another remembers him for two things. One, he runs like a slow boat to China. Two, Lawrence Taylor and Steve Atwater could have hit him at the same time and they'd bounce off like small children. He was three hundred pounds of unstoppable. Those of you who were not blessed with the gift of Nintendo will remember him stepping out of the shower and questioning, "Hey Ironhead, what's with this thingy?" in a high pitched girl's voice. I like to think Mr. Heyward, who passed away this weekend at the unfortunately young age of 39, would get a chuckle out of his legacy being centered around soap as much as I chuckle out of seeing it. While Michael and Bo pioneered the athletic commercial as entertainment, Ironhead was among the first to show up solely for humor's sake. A quick list of my 5 favorite others in the category. Feel free to suggest your own.

1. Boy Howdy - Ronnie Lott's reply to Joe Montana's "Masculine itching got you down?" The world held its collective breath until we discovered it was all a joke, having not been equally duped since the last time John Daly said, "But this time I mean it." For a split second we all knew Montana's gambling debts had gotten out of hand.

2. Great Googeley Moogeley - This Rembrandt of the endzone spends all day crafting the perfect letters for the Kansas City football team before stepping back to admire his work. "It's great, but who are the Chef's?"

3. The Tiger ball bounce - The first commercial I've ever doubted the legitimacy of. Turns out Tiger's not all that bad at golf and this commercial skyrocketed his already legendary status.

4. Chicks Dig The Long Ball - Tommy Glavine and Greg Maddux come to terms with the fact they just don't have what the ladies want. A few days in the weight room (the romantic in me likes to believe having been spent on the juice) and Big Mac gets a surprise of his own when the two fragile white guys hit the cages.

5. Hey Charlie! You're My Favorite Accountant! - These two commercials singlehandedly won my approval of inbred Vol Peyton Manning before an early winter press conference reminded me why I hated him. I'm backing to questioning his self worth.

I'll go ahead and acknowledge that Sportscenter has probably made 5 commercials better than all of these but that's like shooting fish in a barrel, a practice I've never understood as you already have the fish in a barrel. Just let the water out of the barrel or reach your hand in and pull him out.

-I feel bad I haven't really mentioned my stance on Barbaro so here we go... I hope he makes it. Edgar Prado is the new Chris Antley minus a life threatening drug habit.

-My own horse, Snitch, was the 2-1 morning line favorite at a cheap Belmont claimer last Friday but scratched due to some soreness after a morning jog coupled with a downpour that would have toppled Noah. In the history on minority owners, one has never been as upset by a development such as this. I subsisted on fluids well into the early portion of the present week. One Daily Racing Form handicapper had her as the lock of the day.

-No Scrubs again tonight. I wouldn't want to be the NBC executive who lies awake all night long after getting the letter I just sent. Wouldn't ever happen to me though, I have a soul.

-I dominated one of the greatest games in wiffle ball home run derby history this weekend in the hallucinating heat of Statesboro, Ga. With an ankle deep baby pool for a pitchers mound, the Rail "Bad Intentions" Bird demoralized all would be competitors, including a weird navy vet who showed up at 3 in the morning demanding a few swings.

-I put the notice in on the job today. Cabinets be damned, I'm out the door July 28th. My secretary is currently taking reservations for subsequent nights out with me.

-I'll be attending the Braves game tomorrow, let me know if you're down.

Et Tu Tuesday?

2006-05-23T20:43:00.000-04:00

Ah, Tuesday. We've seen some things haven't we? Really been through it all, the two of us. You remember how much fun we used to have? Baseball practices, Cub Scout meetings, pizza day at lunch in third grade. Easily my sixth favorite day of the week, the excitement of escaping Monday before hitting the doldrums of Wednesday, you were kind of a hero. In college I barely saw you before it was off to happy hour and a flurry of drink specials that would find me hating your successor, but I knew you were there all along, looking out for me, missing me until you came back around. I missed you too.

But we find ourselves in a strange place today Tuesday. I'm not happy with you, and though it hurts me more than it hurts you to say it, it's going to take something special to get you back in my good graces. You bumped Scrubs. I've given some substantial thought to who here needs to be blamed and the signs all seem to be pointing back to you. After all, Thursday would never trump my favorite show with...what is this...Most Outrageous Moments?! You know Monday wouldn't have the audacity and Sunday enjoys my attention way to much to turn me down.

Now, I like to think I'm a good kid Tuesday, I really do. I like to think maybe, just maybe, after a tough day at the office I deserve to kick back and relax during my favorite hour of the week and let the amplified, yet simple, troubles of Dr Dorian and his lovable band of misfits erase the cares of the day. I want to see them all cope with their mental demons and somehow all arrive at the same conclusion with drastically different results at the end of the day. I want to see Dr Cox berate the simpletons in his path all the while knowing he might be the most fragile of all. I like Elliot, yes Tuesday, the hot blonde, and watching her overcome the insecurities of a woman who really shouldn't have any. I like Dr Turk, aka The Crafty Veteran, as he keeps his cool while losing his freedom and I like the Janitor, yes the Janitor, who I'm convinced holds an odd, and mutual, respect for JD despite consistent feuding. I love the idealism, the consistent flow of beautiful women, the love/hate relationships, the ridiculous patients, I love the inopportune daydreaming, Rowdy the stuffed dog, Ted's band and Tasty Coma Wife, I love JD's porch, Dr Cox's moments of true mentoring, Bob-O winning the day and the way that you feel it's all wrapped up too nicely even when things couldn't be worse. Too mush to ask! Way too much to ask I suppose. Well you know what Tuesday, I'm quitting you. At least for a week anyways. You heard me Tues, I'm gonna have two Sundays, then a Monday, then move right on into Wednesday without regard to your feelings as you've proved you're not too concerned about mine. For a week anyways. A week where maybe I wont speed home wondering what celebrity guest star will be on tonight.

I cant quit you forever Tuesday, you know that. You know in couple of weeks or so, late some lonely Monday night I'll take you back. But not tonight. Come late tonight I'm putting you in time out until you've thought about what you've done and you're ready to apologize. Until then I will say good day to you sir...

Maryland My Maryland

2006-05-20T12:21:00.000-04:00

Did I just see a Bud Light truck parked in the infield? Now it's a party.

Your official order of finish:
1. Barbaro
2. Bernardini
3. Brother Derek

Off to find a coping method to tolerate Bob Costas

Good luck at the windows!

On To Pimlico

2006-05-18T17:54:00.000-04:00

If I havent said it enough, congratulations Barbaro. While I'm a bit slow and mellow on congratulating a horse, albeit worthy, who I didnt have money on, the horse racing industry is doing a fine job for me by giving him the trophy to the Preakness as a reward for a well fought Derby. Most of you are thinking, "well then what the hell am I going to watch all day Saturday?" I dont mean literally, people who think aloud, I mean that every horse, except Brother Derek, who poses a threat is resting up for a rematch in the Belmont. I'm jumping the gun here, but this is why Barb's gonna lose leg three and leave us in waiting for an heir to the throne.

I do love the Preakness, though its often thought of as the red headed stepchild, or ginger kid, of the triple crown. This is partly true, I place it below the Breeder's Cup in my top 4 racing days of the year, but it is nonetheless a jewel. We dont call Miss Alabama ugly when she brings home last in the Miss America Pageant, we just say she was outclassed by 50 other women (including Miss Puerto Rico.) In the same way, when the power shuts down, temporarily bringing the gambling to a halt, or when a drunken idiot runs out on the track to take a swing at a horse, we just smile like we do when my older brother shows up to weddings in his Matt Kenseth hat. The Preakness is family and while it has some skeletons in the closet we still love it. In turn it reminds the betting public each year that it loves us too.

As career ending as being the Derby chalk is, the Preakness embraces the favorite and usually gives you a good look at him running alone on the lead in the last furlong. The last to upset the Preakness was Red Bullet in 2000. Since then the Preakness winner has been the dominate triple crown force (Point Given, War Emblem, Funny Cide, Smarty Jones, Afleet Alex) winning 2 of the 3 races in each of the past 5 years. Afleet Al, shown above, had time to trip and fall, dust himself off, grab a sandwich and figure out Matlock en route to beating an overmatched Scrappy T. Note Barbaro at even money. All the same, please try to beat him. The only grounding my father ever handed out to me as a child came as the result of a hefty show bet I wagered on the favorite. Though I took 10 cents on the dollar to the bank, it was spineless and my father figured we Birds should take a little more pride in our gambling. That being said, look for some more entertaining ways to wager come this weekend, including a heftier price for the favorite whose probably headed into history whith daylight behind him.

The Tough Questions

2006-05-13T12:35:00.000-04:00

Talk Derby To Me

2006-05-12T16:51:00.000-04:00

They say you should never judge the greatness of a horse until he's been dead for 10 years.

Along those same lines I like to wait a couple of days before I judge the greatness of a party centered around horses before I judge its greatness.

This was the greatest Derby party I have ever thrown. Not the Secretariat of Derby parties, for I do need something to shoot for. Not a Ferdinand for the party was great without any real effort from my, the jockey, part. Still, not a War Emblem, for while its true we did get out of the gate early and maintain all day, the greatness of the party was no longshot. For it's own moment without regard for future I will label this the Barbaro of Derby parties. While I am undefeated, and a great party effort was to be expected, I could never predict certain victory (as Patrick did, congrats) in such a dominating effort.

Some people accuse me of being a hair on the harsh side to those who feel the need to miss the greatest day of my year. Not true, I don't even pay attention to such things. For instance, my older brother missed the 2002 Derby party and we were totally speaking again by the time Afleet Al crossed the wire in last year's Belmont. To those of you who missed it, and your conscience wont allow you to forget who you are, it's cool. But if I were you I wouldn't use that one phone call on me to bail you out of jail.

It started early with the arrival of my little brother wearing a shirt whose color I cannot pronounce or pick out of a lineup at this point. This was around 11, shortly after the keg was tapped, the mint leaves rinsed and the juleps set on display. By 1 we were in full swing. A couple quick highlights from the day:

The surprise appearance of the Dark Horse's sire who popped in with win videos of our horses from 1987 Birmingham to 1995 Laurel. I watched, no one else cared.

The stirring rendition of one "Talk Dirty To Me" remixed by the Old School Nasty with a creepy as hell "talk Derby to me" dubbed in when appropriate. We listened to it on the hour, every hour, for the rest of the afternoon. Awesome. And creepy.

My downstairs neighbor feeling bad for getting soused on my dime, coming to terms with his guilt by giving me a half finished pint of low grade vodka to set his mind right.

The gambling which saw more than 250 bucks thrown down in a series of dollar bets. The 7 Derby winners in one pool took home around 25 each while one unfathomably lucky sports gambling lady took home the other pot of more than 50. No lobster and champagne for me, I ate cheese sticks and bud light for dinner....more heavily focused on the bud light than cheese sticks.

The Crafty Veteran setting a horse "neighing" on repeat in his crafty room's stereo in an effort to unsettle any would be crafty visitor heading back towards his crafty bathroom.

The keg finally floated right around the end of the Derby and somebody suggested the completions of the two were only moments apart. I doubt this as I know no one who would miss the Derby to refill a drink that could not wait 2 minutes (and a second and change.) The idea of it makes me queasy, for while I do love my second favorite pastime, it cannot overtake the pinnacle of my first. The Juleps were drained as well, owing in no small measure to my brother who decided after his 5th that he kind of liked them. This was the first time I'd ever dipped into the previous year's stock.

Altogether more fun than I deserve. If you missed it, you missed out but there's always next year. Thanks to all, especially the Crafty Vet for the destruction of his crafty apartment.

Preakness Party at my place...

Here It Is

2006-05-06T15:01:00.000-04:00

1. Lawyer Ron
2. Showing Up
3. Bluegrass Cat

Take it to the bank

Open Letter to Deputy Glitters

2006-05-05T11:46:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Glitters,

It's possible that I might have been a bit tough on you in some of my professional race analysis and word has gotten back to me that you're offended. I think that if you look at the things I've said in their proper contexts and meanings you'd get a better nights sleep.
When I said that you looked like someone had opened you up, removed all of your insides and filled you back up with slow, what I really meant was that you're probably a nice guy. I'm not sure how you took that to mean anything else. And your offense to my saying the reason you beat Bluegrass Cat in the Tampa Bay Derby was that he was laughing too hard at the sight of you on the lead that he couldn't run in a straight line is actually corroborated by the close up replays of the race.

The truth, Mr. Glitters, is that you're actually a decent guy, albeit without chance, and I could tolerate your mediocrity if it wasn't for the ridiculous name you've been saddled with. Deputy Glitters? C'mon man, you might as well be Princess Fruitcake. You could trample a guy to death in the paddock and my four year old cousin would still fins you adorable. The 5 horses that destroyed you in the Wood know this. Tabasco Cat, Albert the Great, Vindication, Monarchos, Deputy Glitters... which of these things is not like the others? Hell, your own father was Deputy Commander, a regal name indeed.
Listen, you're going to beat Seaside Retreat, you are, I promise, probably even Private Vow and Cause to Believe, but at the end of the day they get the last laugh back at the barn. Please don't start crying on me, I can't stand a crier.
You remind me a bit of the prince in Monty Python and the Holy Grail who would rather sing show tunes all day than get married and be wealthy. This is why I just can't bet on you. Please don't take it personally. Though quite a few jokes have been made concerning you, predominantly at your expense, you do still have the chance to make the last one at mine. Good luck to you, please enjoy a safe journey, and for the love of God show some backbone on Saturday or people will think the gelded Sweetnorthernsaint is more of a man than you are.

Just trying to help,

The Rail Bird

Best Derby Ever

2006-05-03T22:12:00.000-04:00

This picture is actually Secretariat running like a tremendous machine in the '73 Belmont but it was too good to pass up.

ESPN put out a poll for the best Derby ever which contains complete race footage of some of the best in the last 30 years. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

Post positions were selected today, which doesnt make too much difference in the outcome unless you're stuck with something to overcome early. Tough break for Brother Derek and Lawyer Ron, in slots 18 and 17 respectively, who will be trying to merge across traffic early to stay with Sinister Minister and Sharp Humor. By no means impossible, but a little more difficult than starting 8 or 10 slots further in. If the Minister gets loose on the lead he could be trouble. Still havent made my picks yet, but if you get a chance check out the thoughts of a couple entertaining handicappers at Pulling Hair & Betting Horses and Not to the Swift. These guys get to the track a little more than I do and it shows.

A Few Of My Favorite Things

2006-05-02T17:01:00.000-04:00

A couple of reasons why you should like the Derby as much as I do:

1. The First Turn - 20 bunched up freight trains trying to hit the rail in a cloud of dust while silence overtakes 50 million people.

2. The Hat - I'd go to the Derby for the Hat alone. Can a woman wear anything sexier? Yes, but not on NBC in the afternoon.

3. The Derby Week - The anticipation, the tracking of works, the careful selection of one's own horse (which many remember with more pride than their first presidential election ballot, this guy first voted for Easy Goer), the post draw, the jockey shuffling, the realization that if I don't drink every bottle of beer in my apartment during the week someone will take care of it for me on Saturday...including the nuclear war closet stash. It's much too much for my senses.

4. The Mint Julep - God's chosen mint beverage. I truly beleive that.

5. The Trainers - Bob Baffert and D.W. at their finest. Baffert's 3 make it more fun than I can stand while I'll actually miss Lukas not pumping up his 75-1 shot.

6. The Infield - How the hell did Mardi Gras show up in Kentucky? Most of you dont even see the race but I love you just the same.

7. The Stretch - We all know about an eighth out who's headed for the history books but it never fails to leave me speechless.

8. The Call of the Race - The first half we're just trying to get everyone's name in for the gamblers at home, but the second half is like listening to the narration of a man watching his winning lottery numbers called. Building excitement, with a brief intermission to tell us how far back the favorite has faded, back to the drama, winner emerges, cries of joy, loss of breath until he finally just passes out in the booth.

9. My Old Kentucky Home - Though I blame it on the bourbon, the eyes always mist over a bit. When I go to heaven that's what the angels will play on my walk to the gate.

10. Everybody Paying Attention To Horse Racing For Just One Day Out Of The Year - Try and pull that off in Atlanta.

Sure Thing

2006-05-01T21:50:00.000-04:00

I had the pleasant fortune today of being asked who the "easy money" would be in Saturday's Kentucky Derby. While half of me had to choke back an instinctive chuckle the other half hospitably cited Deputy Glitters as the can't miss and offered to play middle man if my coworker wanted to put a little something on it. Cause to Believe in a late and daring charge if he wanted on an exacta.

The truth of the matter is that the words 'Derby' and 'sure thing' dont often collide in the same sentence. Take for instance the second coming of Secretariat shown above us here. Point Given entered the 2001 Kentucky Derby with all the subtlety of Muhammid Ali entering the boxing ring. Minutes later he was demolished by Monarchos, whose Derby winning time was second only to the Big Red Machine himself. Quick bit of trivia. Ask any horseman who ran the second fastest Derby of all time and you'll always get the same answer...Monacrchos. Not true, Sham's second place finish to Secretariat in 1973 was nearly a quarter second faster than the horse of a different color who romped over Point Given. I guess even Alydar has his superiors. Point being that the Point Given hype was just that until the gates opened. How many of you played the sure fire George Steinbrenner colt Bellamy Road last year? How'd that work out for you chalk sniffers? Honestly, we're desperate for a superhorse. The slightest hint of greatness bring whispers of immortality to less deserving horses. While still great, Fusaichi Pegasus came into the 2000 Derby and was practically handed the trophy before he was saddled. While he did go on to win the race, one of two favorites to pull it off (Smarty Jones being the other) in the last 15 years, he was never the same again and retired having only glimpsed the possibilities of his potential. In 2003 Bobby Frankle came to town with a hot stable of sure things in the form of Empire Maker and Peace Rules. The question was not if Frankle would win, but which of his horses would do it. Empire Maker was his candid answer. When they hit the stretch all either saw in front of them was the gutsy (at a very nice price) gelding Funny Cide. I knew this was impossible, of course, as I had been on hand to see Peace Rules spank Funny Cide in the Louisianna Derby. I, as is my custom, was heavy on Badge of Silver and Kafwain at the time as there was no way Peace Rules could get the better of them. I've always been quick to point out the Derby poison that is being a top ranked Juvenile though I fall into the same gullible trap having backed Officer, Vindication, Favorite Trick and Arazi. When Derby day rolled around they were invisible, though Arazi actually went off as the favorite. Churchill Downs is where the chalk goes to die. Native Dancer lost the Derby in better than even odds, so did Easy Goer. Instead the Derby has seen fit to annoint 50-1 Giacomo and 32-1 Charismatic. This is heaven for the gambler looking for a big score. Last year's basic exotics paid out thousands upon thousands of dollars for a simple two dollar bet. The 2002 Derby opened the gates with Harlan's Holiday a mind boggling 6-1 favorite gauranteeing a great price on any horse in the field. (War Emblem at 21-1 though he had posted the highest Beyer figure for anyone in the three year old class.) You're going to get Brother Derek this weekend for 3-1 or 7-2, potentially one of the highest payouts for the remainder of his career. If it's not him you're going to get 5-1 or higher on any other horse with the exception of Lawyer Ron. So when Deputy Glitters hits the wire, and I head for the railing of the balcony a poor man, please remind me that I told me so, hand me my julep and maybe I'll hang around another year to find my superhorse.

Getting The Jump On Bob Costas

2006-04-29T10:45:00.000-04:00

The horse racing gods have decided that I enjoy the Kentucky Derby a wee bit too much and after much deliberation in the way of tele-commuting (the Atlanta traffic is awful) they have decided to show it to me on NBC to bring me down a notch. Why would this bring me down? Bob Costas. Simply stated I hate the guy. Kenny Mayne puts a smile on my face, Hammerin Hank Goldberg and Mike Battaglia give me the expert analysis I've come to depend on and Tom Hammond creeps the hell out of me but Bob Costas' only goal is to make everyone in the room cry. Part of me believes that he's actually behind the devastation that he reports. This being said I've decided to outwit those that would see me frown next Saturday and explore the topics from which he'll seek to draw my emotions.

With a City - Deceased. Right there on the Derby Trail, one hoof in the gate and he comes down with an as of yet unnamed illness which claims him in a matter of hours. To be honest this is extraordinarily tragic. Horses are family to the people that own and breed them and losing one compares to losing the family pet. Bob knows this. If you're not careful he'll use it against you all the while wearing some sort of contamination suit to make you think that he himself is actually standing boldly in the path of the disease. I predict family pictures, probably a four year old girl tearing up while she recounts how the horse once saved her life. Dont fall for it, it's Costas' daughter.

Mister Triester - Idiot. There are a list of things you like to avoid if you want any shot in the Derby and they include winning the Breeder's Cup Juvenile, shipping in from Europe, being bet on by Auburn John running in the Derby Trial. Mister Triester has said to hell with the odds and will be running in the Derby Trial today, probably backed by Auburn John. Bob knows this. We're going to see old charts, pie graphs and a power point presentation about what a damned underdog he is and by the time its over you'll think he's blind with 3 legs. Bob wants you to like him. Please dont, he's an idiot.

Dan Hendricks - Paralyzed trainer of Brother Derek. Cassie likes Brother Derek and because of that I do too. What Cassie finds attractive about the horse is not the tragedy overcome by his trainer but his athletic ability and speed. Dan Hendricks was injured in a motorcycle accident in July 2004 and has worked his way back to being a damn good horse trainer from his wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down. Bob knows this. We're going to see accident photos (it was probably night time and raining), talk to nurses and cops, wife and kids (probably young and emotionally scarred), hell, the guy who hit him might stop by the studio to beg forgiveness. I anticipate Bob bringing out a cadaver and showing us which vertebrae were damaged though we all know he's not a licensed medical physician. I swear that if anyone bets Bro Derek becuase of the mangled motorcylce and not becuase Hendricks masterfully trained his horse into a monster with crazy potential your julep will be confiscated and I will say good day to you.

Lawyer Ron - We've already talked about this once but lets go over it agian so as to prevent moist eyes in the future. Ron's owner, James T Hines Jr was found dead in his swimming pool a couple months ago having drowned while taking a late night swim. You guessed it, Bob knows this. While I think it all went down as a 'win one for the gipper' ploy to inspire his horse to run, Bob's going to tell you otherwise. There's no way around it, we're going to see the pool, possibly with Bob in it. He's going to show you the exact spot in the pool where Lawyer Ron entered the water, Lassie style, to rescue Mr Hines only to find himself without opposible thumbs or a voice with which to call for help. Cut back to the track where Bob's going to be holding a container which he explains to be water from the very pool so as to bring the tragedy a little closer to home for you the American public. If you bet Ron for this angle I'll arrange for the Bro Derek backer to drive you home.

We will be keeping it happy next week, even if it means cutting the volume and listening to Larry Munson on the radio, so leave the kleenex at home, grab a beer and settle in for pleasant ride.

The Field A Week Out

2006-04-28T17:20:00.000-04:00

One of the great Derby constants through the years has been the exiting of key contenders from fall the previous year to the morning of the big show. Already we've lost Stevie Wonderboy, First Samurai, Achilles of Troy, Corinthian, Like Now and the recently deceased With a City in our race for the race. The number promises to grow in the great tradition of Danthebluegrassman and Buddha who were actually entered into the race before scratching. Then of course the Balto Stars, Graeme Halls and Songandaprayers who metaphorically scratched a mile into the race. After an entertaining Lexington, which closed the already cracked doors for D. W. Lukas and Nick Zito, a solid field of 20 has emerged with a couple more on the outside praying for defectors. The field was as listed a week ago minus With a City and added to by Dawn of War, Showing Up and Seaside Retreat. Mister Triester, Flashy Bull and Sunriver are all waiting in the wings and I've got a feeling The Bull and The River will both make the gate. Time will tell. I'll of course be waiting until Saturday afternoon to make my predictions as I'd hate to spol the ending for you now. Also, I have no idea.

What I can comfortably tell you is who I want to win. This would be Bluegrass Cat. Quite frankly I'm tired of the Clampets taking every Derby and I want the Kentucky bluebloods to get back in the winner's circle. It shook Kentucky in 2000 when Fusao Sekigushi showed up with his geisha and translators and in 2002 when the Throughbred Corporation bought War Emblem two weeks before the race with Saudi oil money. In 2003 a lovable band of misfits showed up on a party bus with the gutsy New York gelding Funny Cide (quick side note, I have no idea why any gelding who wins must be considered "gutsy" but it's a rule and must be adhered to) and Smarty Jones went through 4th tier Arkansas before stealing America's hearts. I'm not ready to talk about 2005. The saving grace for the patriarchs was 2001's Monarchos, born and raised in Lexington, owned by the beloved Oxleys, trained by third generation horseman John Ward, the savior of Calumet.

Bluegrass Cat is sired by sire of sires Storm Cat, trained by trainer of trainers Todd Pletcher and owned by the most beautiful farm in Lexington, WinStar. Only Pat Day aboard would make it better.

Kentucky is horse racing. While my own beautiful Georgia regards a race track as a bordello, Kentucky embraces it with all its worth (admittedly little...though enthusiastic.) It is beautiful, it's classy, it's tradition, it's retained a purity to me that other states (New York) have lost. It's Georgia's loss that we can't seem to see this in the same hypocritic vision that keeps us out of liquor stores on Sundays. My father was once the President of the GTOBA and took a handful of prominent unnamed Georgia politicans to Keeneland for a weekend of racing in a lobbying effort. They loved it. Couldnt get enough of it. Still go back to this day as I'm told. Lost hundreds, still loved it. Wined and dined with ambassadors and bluebloods, loved it. Two weeks later these same men stood in front of Georgia podiums with empty wallets and wonderful memories and damned the sport as an abomination of all the values God and family had instilled in them.

Tax me at the gate Georgia, tax me at the window, but in the meantime please support the state with the audacity to support the sport of kings in conjecture with the values my state seems to want to hold so dear.

A Toe In The Water

2006-04-27T21:55:00.000-04:00

That's me on the right.

My folks have always had horses, some crappy, but horses just the same. I can remember listening on the telephone to the recorded call of the race when sending horse racing information into Georgia was like dropping food into Berlin. Sometimes we won, sometimes we got nipped at the wire, sometimes I wasn't sure if our horse was actually in the race for the lack of audible attention he was getting. Either way it was fun, though very distant. A couple weeks later we'd get a winner's circle photo in the mail with Eddie Gaudet looking like he owned the place and an overjoyed Mark Johnson, Mario Pino, Mike Luzzi or Edgar Prado in the saddle. There were our red and green silks, our name by the winner, but no us.

As of three weeks ago, we're back in the game with yours truly holding a commanding 2% of a New York filly named Snitch. Baby steps. Snitch is a 4 year old Dixie Union filly out of a Trempolino mare who saw fit to win $104 grand at the track in 14 starts last year under the care of Bradley Wallace, a guy I know nothing about.

Her name is a bit of a sore spot. While the romantic in me believes she was named for a heroic spy gunned down on the streets of Lebanon protecting the American way of life, the realist sadly admits she was named after the crafty wizard from Hogwarts and his uncatchable golden tormenter. I guess Sunday Silence and Secretariat were taken but at least it's not Deputy Glitters.

We claimed her, myself, my dad and an associate of his, sent her to Bruce Levine and are anxiously waiting for her first start under his command. My dad, though with a significantly higher share than my own, still doesn't own a majority so she won't be in our silks but who cares, I have a horse. I've eased into the habit of trying to slide this little fact into conversation.

Cab Driver: "Where to kid?"
Me: "I have a horse"
Cab Driver: "Where to?"
Me: "Yeah, she's awesome"

I should let you know, my first stint as horse owner, though for a good cause, could have turned out better. My dad and I bought an honorary share of former champion Criminal Type through the Old Friends program which dedicates itself to providing a noble, humane ending to those who showed their gallantry on the track for their adoring public. Criminal Type didn't make it out of Japan, dying of natural causes and not a slaughter house thanks to Old Friends, and I was horseless before I even got to meet the old boy. A good looking girl in a bar the other night told me that everyone should stand behind a cause, hers being the cure of breast cancer. I explained Old Friends to her and I anticipate a subsequent date.

A big part of her appeal was her coming down in class, Snitch I mean... not my date. Claimed last May for $50,000, she hit the board a few times in similarly matched fields. She dropped from 50 to 46 down to 35 which found her as the chalk, down to 20 where she hit our attention. Look for her at Aqueduct late the week after the Derby. Bet her heavy, enjoy your lobster that night and let me know all about it.

The Call To The Post

2006-04-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

With only the Grade 2 Lexington Stakes remaining before the big dance, an eager public has a pretty good estimation of who will show up on the 1st Saturday in May. Horses in their prime, has beens, soon to be's and never will be's, longshots, sure things, can't misses, dark horses, nags, the experienced, the green, speedsters, closers, those that can break off a mile and a quarter, those that cant, those with a live chance, those in the gate to get their owner a rental car and a good seat, the haves and the have nots all lining up to immortalize the announcer's stretch call through the pandamonious use of their own name. It's safe to say right now that 18 horses have booked their ticket to Louisville. They are as follows:

1. Brother Derek - Winner of the Santa Anita Derby, in easy Derby favorite fashion
2. Lawyer Ron - Winner of the entire Arkansas pipeline (see Smarty Jones and Afleet Alex)
3. Barbaro - Undefeated winner of the Florida Derby
4. Bob And John - Bob Baffert trained Wood Memorial winner
5. Sinister Minister - Posted best 3 year old Beyer of the year, 116, in Bluegrass romp
6. Private Vow - If the vow was to flourish as a 2 year old and be absolutely mediocre at 3, i'd call it accurate and public
7. A.P. Warrior - $1.3 million yearling won G2 San Felipe
8. Sweetnorthernsaint - Illinois Derby winner, entirely too long of a name
9. With A City - Won G2 Lane's End before finishing dead last in Bluegrass, trainer must have a hell of a strategy
10. Sharp Humor - Won G2 Swale, 1/2 length back of Barbaro in Florida Derby
11. Bluegrass Cat - Dominate 2 year old, loses jockey John Velazquez (aka betting public) to broken shoulder
12. Steppenwolfer - Could probably pick Lawyer Ron's ass out of a lineup after seeing it all spring
13. Keyed Entry - 2nd Pletcher entry, eats 2nd best oats in barn, gets tucked in 2nd at night
14. Point Determined - 3rd Baffert entry, never challenged Bro Derek in 2nd place SA Derby effort
15. Cause to Believe - I see none
16. Deputy Glitters - Prime example of why you dont let a 4 year old girl name a horse, 2-1 he gets made fun of by decently named horses
17. Storm Treasure - 2-1 he outruns the ambulance
18. Jazil - Rhymes with Brazil

Seaside Retreat and Like Now hold spots 19 and 20 but the Lexington always shakes up the order as Gone Prospecting, Showing Up, More Than Regal, Hemingway's Key, Bear Character, Special Interest, Chin High, Like Now, Fast Parade and Greeley's Legacy are all running to fill up the final two spots. It should be noted that Nick Zito, who started 5 horses in the 2005 Derby, needs Hemingway's Key to win to have a horse this year. The shameless D. Wayne Lukas is starting a maiden, Special Interest, in hopes of making it to the gate this year. I doubt either of the two will.

Speed could be the key this year as most of the dominate 3 year olds like the view from the front of the pack. Lawyer Ron, Brother Derek and Sinister Minister could get caught up in one of the classiest and most devastating speed duels you or I will ever see. More to come...

My Old Kentucky Home

2006-04-14T17:03:00.000-04:00

Opening weekend at Keeneland. Is there anything better? Perhaps Saratoga, but I wasn't there last weekend so lets just call it a no.

Once or twice a year I like to leave the horse racing void that is Atlanta and watch the ponies as God intended, without Bob Costas trying to make me cry. So off to bourbon country several horse racing virgins and I fled with my hopes on selling the experience I bought into long ago. Tornados be damned we made it alive and I met up with the Woodford Reserve, God's intended bourbon. While I'm on the subject, my nights spent perched on Kentucky barstools have taught me a little something about the local patrons and their tastes. While in Athens it's acceptable to request a bourbon and coke, Kentuckians leave no decisions to the bartender as to their choice of spirit. You're a Maker's fan, Jim Beam cheap, or a Wild Turkey alcoholic without regard to what's hidden down in the well. Not hint of snobbery as all are accepted, just a personal taste as ardent as being a Republican or Democrat.

Race 1 on Saturday was a cheap 7 furlong claimer and we used the 1, Stalwart Memory, as the object of a quick lesson in how to read the form before making our wagers. I'm not sure that I enjoy anything more in life than showing someone how to gamble, though my teaching was rusty as two in our crowd were crestfallen when their show bets came home second. It's a beautiful thing to watch people become hooked on your particular drug and I watched with delight as Stalwart romped home making us all winners in a wide variety of bets. The crowd was hooked, more so with the energy of watching a race on the rail, engulfed by the screaming crowd, than the fact they were 5 bucks richer. There's a connection made with a horse you bet on who brings home the money. Success would rain on 4 of us throughout the weekend. Then there was Auburn John.

By Sunday afternoon we required AJ to reveal his bet before we went to the window so we wouldn't be screwed with the poor nag destined to finish 4th. Hell, AJ had the only horse of the weekend who finished the race in the back of an ambulance. So we'd wait, staring at the form, unable to make eye contact for fear of the spread of the losing disease. Then AJ admits he's backing the 9.

Me to crowd: "AJ's on the 9!"
8 Year old girl standing at the rail: "Mommy please don't bet the 9, I want to go to college!"
Crowd noises: "Dammit I liked him"
"Oh no, call Jake, he's already on his way to the window"
"Looks like we've got an 8 horse race"
Track Announcer: "Tragedy for the 9 ladies and gentlemen, as defeat has already struck. Yes, it looks as though he's being led back to the barn to try his luck another day, wisely avoiding the risk of permanent injury."
Handicapping commentators: "Ouch Larry, didn't see that one coming, I thought Auburn John would be damning the 7 today as he's the much more obvious loser."
Larry: "Got that right Skip, that bet could be career ending."

Somehow AJ managed to find horses named You Slow Son Of A Bitch, For The Love Of God Why Aren't You Running and Sweet Jesus Why Are You Doing This To Me in each race and he cheered them on fervently. I, on the other hand, found luck in betting connections through my afternoons. When the Tracy Farmer silks showed up, I bet and won in honor of my favorite horse Albert The Great. When Bobby Frankle appeared with Edgar Prado, I bet and won. I owe Todd Pletcher and John Velazquez steaks.

I do enjoy a cold beverage at the track and as it turns out I'm not the only one. The cheering of horses in the first race could have come from a church choir as people pleaded in good fun for their horse to do well. The screams by the 8th would offend Andrew Dice Clay. I heard things about a horse's mother I wouldn't speak aloud in the French Quarter. I loved it. There's something about a 7 year old telling Javier Castellano exactly what he can do with his whip that warms my heart.

Keeneland has be come my answer to those who think the youth neglect the sport. UK showed up in mass, including every debutante the city of Lexington has to offer. As long as the Keenelands, Gulfstreams, Churchill Downs, Fair Grounds and Saratogas open their doors, horse racing will always own a spot in the hearts of those who allow the opportunity. Just ask my 4 converted friends.

I'm Having A Good Day

2006-04-04T21:23:00.000-04:00

Well...no, not today actually. Certainly not yesterday. The day I'm talking about is Saturday, or as it will forever be referred to as, "The Moment." The culmination of the moment being the grey, and aptly named, Preachinatthebar hitting the wire a 7-1 winner in the 8th at Santa Anita. Hide the women and children, stop traffic, I hit the pick 6.

Now I'm not one of those people to boast of my accomplishments and sing of myself to those in attendance. Hell, I probably wont even put this on my blog. Not my style, I've been here before, I'm classier than that.

I don't know where Einstein slept the night before he squared c thus equaling it with e over m, I don't know where Sir Isaac Newton found slumber the night before he invented gravity, thus settling previously floating objects, and I don't know where Charlemagne laid his head the night before he did what he did, thus we remember him, but I woke up Saturday morning on a friend's floor oblivious to the neighboring unoccupied couch beside me. Not a first for me but the day's events would be. ESPN hosts a weekly challenge to select the winners of 6 races with 15 selections in one afternoon. Many try, many, such as my esteemed father, fail in their quest. I cannot look down on these people as I once was one of them. I made my selections, bold in their audacity. In the 11th at Gulfstream I said "no thank you sir" to the field and singled Bandini to carry my banner alone. In the 7th at Sunland my heart told me to go with Wanna Runner, as I indeed wanted a runner, and he rewarded me with a valiant effort under a warm New Mexico sky. I hit Silver Whistle, Barbaro and Drum Major down in South Florida and admitted to myself that if Don Larsen would have hit a hole-in-one later in the afternoon of his perfect game world series victory he would be my equal. By the time Preachin hit the gate I couldn't hear the race caller for the torrent of applause in the room and for our lack of having it on TV. When the longshot hit the wire all the world went still and quiet hung over the half weeping half stunned crowd. When the dust had settled I surveyed all around me from my throne of correctness. Alas, no Jennifer Tilly to celebrate my success, and no money from ESPN as some clown hit the 6 using only 11 of his picks.

But one day when presidents are forgotten, when old men tell children the legends of the past, when time is but a canvas, there will still be tales told of a man, a perfect day, and 6 noble steeds who combined in 6 noble moments to create the greatest accomplishment in the history of the world.

But I'm not going to bore you with the story.

The Plight Of The Jockey

2006-04-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

As a young colt looking longingly into the future, I saw my life heading into one of three different career paths. I most definately was going to either be a professional baseball player (most likely a short stop), I was going to be the guy at McDonald's who made the french fries, or I was going to be a jockey. No chance of anything else, I barely knew what a cabinet was. I thought these wise goals, much more sensible than my little brother who wanted to operate a ditch digger or be a bird. One by one my ambitions flew past me as I realized watching Rafael Belliard that I was not Cuban enough to throw a guy out from my knees and that McDonald's did not allow employees to eat on the job. So I was to be a jockey. Only problem was that the average jockey is about 5'1" and weighs 108 pounds. This eliminated me before my second birthday. I didnt realize this at the time of course, so the final decision was made for me by my grandmother in the form of third and fourth of helpings of Kraft Mac & Cheese. The smell of that tasty goodness was much more appealing than the imagined smell of the winners circle so I went ahead and developed into the muscular stallion I am today without remorse for the life I left behind. Also I'm not good at riding horses.

What I did leave behind was a lightning fast lifestyle full of tremendous highs and devestating lows. First off, jockies, like musicians, nascar drivers and somehow my little brother (who opted not to become a bird when aptitude tests revealed he would have to remain human), have no trouble finding women a stratosphere or two above there level. I've stood next to both Mark Guidry and Jose Santos' wives and, while I cannot forgive Mrs Santos for producing the pain in the ass child who sobbed and screamed his way through his father's 2003 Kentucky Derby victory aboard the gutsy gelding Funny Cide, they're hot. Several of you might also remember Mrs. Laffit Pincay adorning the pages of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. These stuntmen get 10% of any winnings which adds up to millions a year for the best of them. 4'11" 100 pound Pat Day, a personal hero, won about $235 million in his career.

At the same time it sucks. A man who would normally be 130 pounds keeping his weight at 110 is set for a life of ailments and hunger. Laffit Pincay did an interview for Sports Illustrated during a cross country flight a few years back and the interviewer noticed him eat one half of a peanut for lunch and put the other half in his pocket for dinner. Randy Romero rode Personal Ensign to a 13-0 career, the only horse to go unbeaten in that many races or more in the last 50 years, and Go For Wand, who provided the most tragic moment in my horse racing memory breaking down at the wire about to win her second Breeder's Cup. Now he's dying, in search of a transplant liver and unable to extend his arms as a result of a career at the track. Ron Turcotte, jockey of Secretariat, got trampled in France a few years after he rode the Big Red Machine and remains paralyzed from the neck down. What "Seabiscuit" fails to mention in the epilogue is the near paralyzation of jockey Red Pollard and George Woolf (played by Gary Stevens) being killed on the track 2 years later.

I guess what I'm suggesting is when you're watching the Flordia Derby today, (damn you Barbaro, you boring bastard, you'd better pull this off for me....with Sunriver finishing second please) and lets not fool ourselves into thinking you wont watch it, cut the jockey some slack when he screws up your trifecta. Lets not berate Shane Sellers for failing to make weight and losing by a nose at the Fair Grounds as I might or might not have once done. Applaud the wee man driving his stunning wife to the bank because every day he hops on an animal 20 times his weight and hangs on a furlong at a time with ice water in his veins, a stop watch in his head, and a shirt he had to buy at abercrombie kids.

Some Daily Observations

2006-03-23T17:57:00.000-05:00

8 Hours behind a desk creates a tendency for the mind to roam. The results:

I'm a little annoyed that rappers, except Outkast, haven't found anything new to rap about in the last 7 or 8 years. Cars, hoes and teeth jewelry are all fun but lets hear Jay Z pay homage to something a little more understandable to the common man. There's nothing more poetic than the perfect chicken philly. Rhyme about it Jay.

Its come to my attention that "boy howdy" is the perfect answer to any question and will be henceforth used. If this grows obnoxious I'll switch to a crowd pleasing "you bet" in certain situations.

Im not sure if I understand why the goal of every college basketball team is to get to the final four. It's a bit arbitrary if you think about it. Why not the Elite 8 or half time of the championship game. With this line of thinking the Braves go home winners every year.

There are few things more annoying to me than textbook humor. This is the guy who sees the quarterback on the phone with the offensive coordinator and makes the joke about ordering pizzas. He also claims any CD that skips is the "remix." I briefly dated such a woman and I'm not looking back.

Do you ever wonder how many horses know that they're racing? My guess is that there's a good 25% percent confused as hell when they fly a mile and a quarter to stop where they began. Not sure who the joke's on here.

It must suck to be the guy Bob Dylan is singing about it "Like a Rolling Stone." The poor guy's obviously hit rock bottom and now Dylan's taunting is immortalized. How does it feel now clown?

There's no excuse to be a bad professional bowler. Bowling has all the obstacles and strategies as shooting free throws. It's not like one guy has a great spin and another utilizes the oils. Knock em all down. Do exactly what you did before. Hit the alley at dawn if you want to be great.

2006-03-16T18:01:00.000-05:00

I've learned three things in this life.

1. Never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper.

2. Never play cards with a man whose name is a city.

3. Avoid all sports betting that involves anything but horses, excluding Giacomo.

While you kids cheer your well played hunches on to easy victory, I spend my evenings searching one beer bottle bottom after another for the reason why I felt Georgetown was a lock for the final four. The reason...I suck at sports gambling. My fantasy football team rode on the armless shoulders of Joe Horn, Kasey Kahne singlehandedly (other hand apparently changing radio stations) landed me in debt as I'm still waiting for him to finish at Darlington and the Nebraska Cornhuskers will send me to an early grave.

Then there's the track. Those of you who spent a sober Saturday in June of 2003 missed me play a gut feeling on a 75-1 nag named Sarava in the Belmont. A bystander in Northern Miami the same year would see a youthful lad jump for joy when his very own Harlan's Holiday hit the wire in the Florida Derby. Those paying attention in New Orleans circa '04 would remember a tall drink of water clean the windows at the Fair Grounds like a homeless man with a squeegee and a bucket.

This being said, a perfect storm of horse racing, the likes of which will not be seen for at least 3 more weeks, will be sinking ships from coast to coast this weekend. I shall toss a liferaft...

The Gotham - You remember Keyed Entry? The one who took the air out of First Samurai in track record fashion a month ago. He's back and he's gonna bounce like a big red rubber ball. A bounce is a weak effort after a huge race, sometimes trainer directed. The only horse in recent years to win the Derby coming off a massive effort was War Emblem. Secretariat lost the Wood Memorial, his race before the roses. Watch for Achilles of Troy under new trainer Frank Amonte or the almost undefeated Sweetnorthernsaint to take the checkered flag and collect the dough to hit the starting gate of the Derby.

Tampa Bay Derby - Bluegrass Cat all the way. Heavy favorite, but I'm no stranger to the chalk. Son of Storm Cat, trained by Todd Pletcher, he'll be eating waffles in his stall by the time second place crosses the wire. We'll see big things from The Cat.

San Felipe - Toughest of the races to handicap. I like Bob Baffert, he has two in the race, I'll take them both. Point Determined, son of Point Given (winner of 2001 Preakness and Belmont), and Bob and John coming off a huge win in the Sham.

Easy Money.

Those of you in the Dark Horse's company will get to watch all 3 Saturday afternoon. You're the real winner.

2006-03-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

As of late, the reputation of my preferred musical repertoire has come into question. There are three things a man can be counted on to become defensive about when challenged. These would be driving, basketball, and taste in music. Obviously everyone thinks their taste in music is superb which is why it is their taste. To settle the score I decided to list my top 10 favorite songs without thought to consequence or appearances. 10 turned to 30 as leaving a good song feels like cheating. Here we go:

1. The Jarmels - A Little Bit of Soap
2. Ben Harper - Steal My Kisses
3. Grateful Dead - Sugar Magnolia
4. Keith Whitley - It Aint Nothin
5. Jackson 5 - I Want You Back
6. Paul Simon - Cecelia
7. Jimmy Buffett - Boat Drinks
8. Black Crowes - Jealous Again
9. Clay Walker - What's It To You
10. Eric Clapton - Lonely Stranger
11. Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil
12. Gary Allan - Nothing On But The Radio
13. George Strait - Easy Come, Easy Go
14. Smokey Robinson - Tracks Of My Tears
15. David Lee Murphy - Loco
16. Elvis Presley - Such A Night
17. Jimi Hendrix - Wind Cries Mary
18. Merle Haggard - Ramblin Fever
19. Drifters - Save The Last Dance
20. Blues Traveler - Runaround
21. Sam Cooke - Another Saturday Night
22. Oasis - Dont Look Back In Anger
23. Jimmy Buffett - Brahma Fear
24. Toby Keith - How Do You Like Me Now
25. Willie Nelson - Maria
26. Stevie Wonder - I Just Called
27. Green Day - Hitchin A Ride
28. Bob Marley - Stir It Up
29. Sublime - Caress Me Down
30. Alabama - High Cotton

Honorable mentions to Kenny Rogers-Lucille, Kid Rock-Wasting Time, Lynyrd Skynyrd-Dont Ask Me No Questions, Lyle Lovett-That's Right(You're Not From Texas), and Spin Doctors-Two Princes

Feel free to disagree, but you'll be wrong

2006-03-04T17:39:00.000-05:00

My parking sucks. I know this. My little brother came down Thursday night to meet me for dinner and he's still circling the lot. You don't need to tell me. I'm reminded every time Lucille swerves to avoid further cosmetic abuse at the hands of a driver who seems to have left her car in the middle of the road in defiance to the man and his parking restrictions. The man cares not and the car inevitably ends up getting ransomed, or as many call it, "towed." For the foreigners in the audience, the ransoming process involves a man who just got out of prison that morning, legitimately or otherwise, pulling up his truck, attaching it to your vehicle, and kidnapping it until you can meet the ransom requirements. They use recent convicts because nobody wants to get huffy with a man who has tattoos on his face. We're creatures who value survival and this sometimes means not getting into it with ogres who have killed before. Such was the case with Auburn John.

AJ got ransomed. All the guy wanted was a night of light reading and a little kool aid so he came down to the DH's stable where such things are routinely found. Light reading turned to going out and kool aid turned to a 90 proof concoction normally used to clean oil spills. Auburn John met up with an Auburn Jane and we lost him for the night. AJ returned to the stable this morning to find his car ransomed, the dozenth or so victim of the random kidnappings. So off to Atlanta we ride to a little place next to Turner Field to meet the kidnappers demands. We beat the car there, which Nell Carter behind the counter informed us did not warrant a discount. We wait in a little office that includes a poster of some weird creature crying and the caption "You Suck, How Sad" until Billie Holiday drops the bombshell that the ransomer's getaway truck has gotten in an accident and requires another truck to get the whole group back to the compound. I swear Starr Jones is smiling when she delivers the news. Finding no complaint box or customer service questionnaires to express our frustrations, Auburn John and I devise the tricky tactic of doing absolutely nothing about this new bit of bad news. For one reason or another customer service has never been a priority in the industry as repeat customers are as such involuntarily. An hour of mind numbing waiting follows with Aretha Franklin going out of her way to make sure she can be as unhelpful as humanly possible until the convict finally shows up with the car. Now, as you may or may not know, ransomers have never in the history of ransoming damaged a car in any way shape or form, so we were expecting a mangled heap of metal and the explanation that it was already totaled when he stole it. It's a damn anomaly that no more damage happens to car than just before the moment the kidnappers arrive to whisk it away. Our only pleasant surprise of the day was that the machine was in one piece even bearing the warning letter that subsequent parking infractions at the stable would result in subsequent ransoming. Apparently a first warning lasts for about an hour before the ax is dropped. We leave the ransom, bid Hattie McDaniel a fair day and scurry out as quickly as possible realizing that if Aunt Jemimah behind the counter is as hungry as I am, we're in big trouble.

The most frustrating thing of the day is the feeling that this will happen again, and, of course, I'll bend over again to the whims of those that make the rules without thought to their legitimacy or consequences to the unknowing offender.

I vow here and now to find a way to stick it to the man. Starting tomorrow.

2006-02-28T20:39:00.000-05:00

For centuries now man has pondered the age old question... Can an Irishman hold his liquor? The answer was met with a resounding "evidently not" Tuesday afternoon when one Irish lad learned just how expensive a bottle of whiskey can be.

Sure, we've all woken up a little groggy after a hard night, gotten off the floor and headed for the wallet to check the damage. Head throbbing you check the cash first. Not too bad, still have a Jackson...what's this?...and a Lincoln...guess I didnt pay for the cab...damn right... All credit cards in place? Yep, even have the receipt...i'm awesome... and it... looks like...i spent...Oh Crap!.....16 million dollars. Yeah, you've been there.

Now too has an as of yet unnamed Irishman who just paid $16 million for a 2 year old - never raced - colt down in Miami today. I promise you it went down a little something like this. It's a bad day for Tommy O'Brien but Tommy doesnt know it yet, heads down to the pub to get a pint and some chips, and strikes up a converstaion with a pale redhead with mediocre teeth about the sales across the pond. Tommy's had a few and its impress the girl time when the agent calls and asks how far to go with hip 153. All it takes he says, the agent hangs up, Tommy goes back to the pint, Arabs start a bidding war, bob's your uncle, Tommy's in over his head.

This happened once before. In the mid 80's a sure fire half brother to Seattle Slew out of legendary sire Northern Dancer. Bidding war, as much for pride as a horse, and Seattle Dancer is sold for $13.3 million. Runs maybe 3 times in his career, never wins, goes to stud, oh shit he's sterile and the Arabs have the most expensive lead pony in the histroy of the world.

The news still has me a bit shaken as I pondered what you could do with 16 million dollars.

1. Buy 16 $1 million dollar horses

2. Buy the Kansas City Royals and invest the rest of the money

3. Get it changed into ones and swim Scrooge McDuck style in your tower

4. Purchase my first born

5. Buy a very small Caribbean island

6. Pay NFL teams interested in Terrell Owens not to sign him

7. Purchse both of my kidneys

8. Buy Ireland

Here's watching this colts future

2006-02-25T12:41:00.000-05:00

Lawyer Ron

In the world that is the road to the Derby (sponsored by Yum! Brands Inc.) Lawyer Ron is kind of a big deal. Trained by elder statesman Bob Holthus, Ron's tearing up the same circuit that brought you Afleet Alex and Smarty Jones. His last 3 races have all been morale crushing victories by more than 27 lengths over soundly beaten second place horses.

The one hiccup in owner James T Hines Jr's Derby plans to date is that he's forgotten that he needs to be alive to see it. Mr. Hines was found dead on Thursday in his indoor swimming pool where he apparently drowned. It looks as though Mr Hines is somehow trying to get his horse into the winner's circle through a cleverly devised 'Win One for the Gipper' scheme. This is not exactly the John Dillinger ending I've always envisioned for myself but to each his own. Either way, when I one day have my Derby horse I will cease swimming, jogging, and trying to swallow improperly chewed food in an effort to see the day. What matters most, of course, is how this effects the horse in the days leading to the big race (sponsored by Yum! Brands Inc.) 10-1 Ron didn't know he even had an owner let alone understood the concept so I wouldn't bet on a Patches O'Houlihan like dedicated performance. He's a damn horse people, he's not Brett Favre. I guarantee you he cares much more about his oats than who happens to be pouring them into his feed bucket. Still, unconventional strategy on Mr Hines part but we'll see if it works for him.

Lawyer Ron is out of a horse named Langfuhr, who I should tell you I met in Kentucky. Langfuhr's a classy sire but was on the mediocre side of great at the track though he did manage to beat the sires of Afleet Alex and Smarty Jones in back to back races as a 5 year old. Langfuhr was more sprinter than marathon runner so there may be an issue with Ron trying to break off a mile and a quarter. Ron's actually running today in the $250,000 Southwest Stakes in Arkansas in what will be his 3rd try on the dirt as opposed to the turf he got his start on.

If he wins I'll be back to say I told you so.

2006-02-17T18:08:00.000-05:00

The 10 names most likely to be given to a horse owned by yours truly:

10. Mr. Poopers

9. Moses

8. Ricky Ricardo

7. King David

6. Aunt Jemimah

5. Wally The Horse

4. Jo Mama

3. The Crafty Veteran

2. Shannon Sharpe

1. Elmer

2006-02-14T18:04:00.000-05:00

Look who figured out pictures...

Titles here I come!

It's been a quiet week since the last real action took place in the form of dominating performances by two legitimate contenders down at Gulfstream. Barbaro to the left and Keyed Entry.

The harrowing tale of Keyed Entry has already been told in the form of the gut wrenching defeat of First Samurai. Gut wrenching, of course, because I built him up a wee bit, but then I also have the unique distinction of having decent money on two different horses who felt the need to throw their respective jockeys and run the wrong way around the track. To my credit they ran the wrong way around the track very quickly but that didn't do much for me at the window and it sure as hell doesn't help my credibility. Keyed Entry is owned by Georgia's own Jack and Laurie Wolf, former owners of stud Harlan's Holiday (who cleaned me at the windows by running correctly around the track.) Still don't know much about him, son of Honour and Glory, bought in July '04 for $145,000, Pisces, loves oats, undefeated in 3 starts and a virtual Derby contender with another solid prep race finish.

Then there's Barbaro. Son of Dynaformer, Barbaro is honestly pretty dull. Boring trainer in Michael Matz, unconventional owners in Roy and Gretchen Jackson who made a name eccentricly buying Argentinean horses and paying $950,000 for a Seattle Slew filly because "they always wanted one and she was one of the last." So Barbaro goes out and wins the $150,000 Grade II Holy Bull and we have a new contender. Kind of like a Giacomo who wins, much too boring to allow me to be a fan. Look for Keyed Entry and Barbaro to measure their..um.. running abilities in the Fountain of Youth on March 4th.

2006-02-13T20:17:00.000-05:00

10 Recommended Changes in the Dark Horse's World

10. A competitive Kasey Kahne. Has the logo of NASCAR been officially changed to the Dodge #9 being towed to the garage? What the hell is going on? Every week is an impending train wreck if you're a Kahne fan, because we've all come to learn that if a two cars should bump at any point in the race, Kasey has no choice but to collide with both and end up in the wall. I understand that rubbing is racing but Im officially renaming him "The Patriot Missile."

9. Baseball managers being allowed to wear street clothes. At what point do I have the right to say that I've watched my last interview with Bobby Cox or Lou Pinella in the locker room without pants on. You dont (well...rarely) see Mike Van Gundy half naked so why must I see Frank Robinson. The only alternative is to make all coaches wear the team gear. Who doesnt want to see Joe Paterno run out in a helmet and full pads?

8. Scotch on tap. Finally I could enjoy lunch at Subway if option number #3 between the Strawberry Soda and 7 Up was J&B.

7. A society wide switch from cabinets to stacked crates.

6. Kenny Mayne takes the place of Bob Costas in all things.

5. UGA only sign athletes with entertaining names. One signing class gave us both Pope and Moses. I like 'Smith' as much as the next guy but I'll never understand how we let Dontarrius Thomas slip away.

4. Horse Racing in the state of Georgia. Find the next biggest city to Atlanta with live horse racing as far away. Couldnt do it could you?

3. Ladies...Say what you freakin mean. Im not here to read your mind, nor do i care to. Even if I suspect I'm being lied to I'm gonna go with it for simplicity's sake. I have better things to do then to walk into being blamed for your wearing the wrong shoes. At the same time, cameras do not lie or exaggerate. If you think you look fat in that shirt...odds are good you look fat in that shirt. Go ahead and ask me to lie if that's what you want me to do.

2. That I could have a piece of the coinstar pie. So let me get this straight. I give you money. You keep some of it. You give me the rest back? Outstanding, I'm in.

1. World Peace ... No, but seriously, how awesome would that scotch tap be?

2006-02-06T19:43:00.000-05:00

I told you he'd gone and done it.

Stevie Wonderboy becomes the first major contender to take his oats out of the ring and bow out of Derby contention. The reason...a hairline fracture in the right front ankle. Now, for those of you who dont know, a leg injury for a horse is not like my roommate pulling a hammy playing fantasy basketball. Let's just say i'd be paying a slightly heftier rent if it was. I imagine the conversation at the track going a something a little like a Monty Python scene.

Trainer Doug O'Neill - "Ew that looks bad, where's my gun?"

Stevie Wonderboy - "What? This? No, Its only a flesh wound!"

O'Neill - "You stupid bastard you've got no leg!"

Wonderboy - "I think I'll go for a walk"

O'Neill - "Oh you're not fooling anybody"

Stevie's gonna be fine, he's got a quick surgery then 90 days to relax on the couch until he trains again. (90 days being May 7) Hat's off, though, to the connections of Stevie Wonderboy who blindly asked the pitcher what he thought about his proverbial no hitter in the 7th inning by winning the damned Juvenile. To these individuals I would like to add...I told you so.

Tough weekend to be a favorite we just had. First Samurai snuck under my radar and debuted in the 7 1/2 furlong (furlong being 1/8 of a mile) Hutcheson down at Gulfstream. He flew, 16 1/2 lengths in front of the next horse. And now Sam holds the distinct honor of breaking a track record (by more than a full second i should add) and still losing the race. The winner, Keyed Entry, came across the wire in 1:27.12. To put this in perspective, if he kept that pace in the Derby he'd break Secretariat's record by more than 3 full seconds. The Bobby Hurley owned Songandaprayer set similar early fractions in the 2001 Derby, before finishing dead last, and the strain of it caused him to retire on the spot. I'll talk more about Keyed Entry soon (when I learn who the hell he is), but for the meantime know that he's trained by Todd Pletcher, lately the Cadillac of horse trainers. He actually trained the horse, Value Plus (met in Kentucky), whose record was broken this weekend. Just know that an effort that big could spell trouble for both horses (textbook example of the bounce theory) though they should have ample time to recover before it really matters.

A rough weekend has fogged my inner eye so I'll continue my startling prophecies at a later date.

2006-02-04T14:39:00.000-05:00

Actual Contenders #3, #4

So after further review I'm considering that talking about who's not going to win the Derby might not be too prudent for an audience only half listening. Hell, I've got a dead goldfish named Jaws that aint gonna win the Derby but there's not much point in talking about him. Here's a couple with a live chance:

First Samurai - Finally we get to the real class. The Samurai is by a stallion named Giant's Causeway who had the unfortunate experience of spending his racing days running the wrong way around British tracks before being beaten by a nose in the Breeder's Cup Classic (before it was powered by Dodge) to a horse named Tiznow (who would also win the next one, this time powered by Dodge). He made the misguided Henny Hughes mistake of thinking a foreign horse can cross an ocean and take on the American muscle in his first time out. He now stands for $300,000 a pop while Tiznow goes for $40,000. What can you do. I digress, Sam's had 5 starts to date, won the first 4 and came in the 3 to the illustrious Stevie Wonderboy and Henny Hughes in the (Bessemer Trust) BC Juvenile. He's got the class, the speed, the breeding, a good trainer in Frank Brothers, and close to 700,000 reasons why we'll see him May 6th. What he wont have is a jockey familiar with his saddle as he's only been ridden by recently retired Hall of Famers Pat Day and Jerry Bailey. Look for him in the Fountain of Youth down at Gulfstream on March 4 to make his 2006 debut. If he sucks I didnt write this.

Brother Derek - Bought at auction as a 2 year old last year for $275,000, Bro Derek quickly paid his tab with well over a half million dollars his freshman year and another score over Stevie Wonder in the San Rafael a couple week ago. He's sired by a stallion named Benchmark who lists Brother Derek as his most prominent offspring to date. Not good for Derek's connections trying to sell him into the breeding shed. What this means is he's not gonna get retired like the other stars for getting dirt on his hooves (I saw Afleet Alex in Kentucky...he's fine) before he plays out a full career in front of the cameras. Benchamark's claim to fame at the moment is that in the past 3 years, no other stallion has sired more California-bred graded stakes winners. This is like Bob Uecker telling you that the particular .240 hitter for the Milwaukee Brewers leads the league in doubles off the wall in a dome off left handed pitching above the mason-dixon line. It's out there, but he is by Alydar which makes him lovable. Bro Derek's difficulties may come from the fact he's facing arguably the toughest competition out in California which could wear on him. My guess is we'll see him again in the Santa Catalina on March 4.

That's all for now...

2006-02-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

Kentucky Derby 132 "Finger Lickin' Good"

At first glance the idea of any commercial enterprise (especially a poor man's Captain D's) attaching its name to my beloved race had me looking for the closest ledge to practice my flying. If you havent heard the blasphemous news Yum! Brands, Inc. inked a deal worth at least $2.5 mil to create the 132nd Kentucky Derby sponsored by Yum! Brands, Inc. It's on the damn logo. For those of you still in the blind, Yum! is the backwoods conglomerate that owns KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Long John Silver's (the latter being a long standing and appreciated sponsor of horse racing, normally in a much quieter manner.) While the idea of changing the Run For the Roses to the Run For the Border leaves me crying like the old indian guy watching his heritage destroyed, (a quick apology to all Native Americans while recognizing their outstanding contributions to American society) it occurs to me what this could mean to the state of the track in Lexington/Louisville, Kentucky.

While the glitz and glamour of the 1st Saturday in May shows the face of a thriving/classy/beautiful instituion as celebrated as any in the history of our great nation, the truth is a little less flattering. Attendance, purses, on track pari-mutual handles, and operating tracks are down while the barons of the sport are dying and leaving no one in their wake. A bit of energy, not to mention cash flow, could be just what the doctor ordered. Please dont think the Derby is first. Take a closer look at the Breeders Cup and you'll see corporate sponsors to rival any event in the world. Your own Stevie Wonderboy took home the Bessemer Trust Juvenile just before the running of the TVG Sprint, and Saint Liam, who i met in kentucky three weeks ago, did not win the Breeder's Cup Classic, he won the Breeder's Cup Classic powered by Dodge. All of this allows a day of racing, the third most exciting of the year in my book (after the Belmont and before the Preakness) to give away a purse of well over 10 million dollars in an afternoon. This day, of course, being the one where I throw my 4th horse racing party of the year and invariably end up drinking alone. The $2.5 Pizza Hut is throwing our way isnt going to the Derby itself, with an already respectable $2 purse, it's going towards the purses of the rest of the book in an affort to bring a better quality of already respectable racing to the fans in Central Kentucky.

After all, have you ever heard a nascar fan refer to their favorite driver as the guy who drives the red number 9 or the orange number 20? Hell no, It's the Dodge 9 and the Home Depot car. So grab a bucket of chicken, hit up the lunch buffet, and take your life in your own hands at Long John's, because any money flowing in means less flowing out and a better state of the game for the general public to pay attention to for 2 minutes a year. (2 minutes 3 seconds if you're Giacomo)

All the same, please allow me time to cry in peace when a sponsor labels a horse's demeanor as "extra crispy"

2006-01-30T19:56:00.000-05:00

The First Cut Actually Was The Deepest

I like to think that as a man of relative inner peace I have tolerance for many things I shouldnt. I tolerate 13 items in the express lane, I tolerate a cold Miller Lite when a Bud cant be found, I tolerate dolphins in my tuna and I tolerate women who stick around in the morning, but like any man I have my limit. My limit was located, acknowledged and subsequently ignored this weekend when some hoodlum put a key mark from one side of the already present "u sux" on the hood of my beloved Lucille (aptly named for her ability to pick fine times to leave me) all the way down the driver side, dipping, dashing, and cutting around the previous slashes which join together to form my inner confusion before coming to rest on the gas cap. I thought the simpleminded acts of car cruelty were a thing of the past given I hadnt pissed off any 16 year old girls and I hired a hit man to watch the car. No luck, as my little brother, Jimmy, falls asleep ak-47 in hand and Lucy pays the price. It ends here, with drastic measure on my part as I offer the hefty reward of a six pack of the victor's choosing to the kind soul who leads to the apprehension and subsequent beating of my culprit. A whos-who list of the culprits and the cleared to help you on your way:

Didnt do it
1. My Mom - I just know she didnt, keep an eye on my Dad however...he's shifty.

2. My Roommate - Once prime suspect number one for the posession of vital information (where I live, etc..), MC's been cleared though i keep one eye on his girlfriend when encountering Lucille.

3. Jesus - A much better speller than to write "u sux." (Could also form better patterns)

4. Close Personal Friend Brian Jordan - Wouldnt do it. My rock through these difficult times.

5. Crazy Joe - Too busy being my friend when i'm not looking to be my enemy. A hero of sorts.

6. Harry Potter - Fictional character.

Jury's Out
1. OJ - Dont act like you werent already thinking it. Favors white cars.

2. Tony Stewart - Has made a living tearing up cars and blaming others.

3. Denise - Doesnt think she did but unable to account for portions of evenings.

4. Lilly The Dog - Unpleasantly small and lacking opposible thumbs...but there's just something not right about the way she looks at me.

5. Tommy - Killer instinct...killer hangover - my guess is the latter keeps him on the couch but we dont know that for sure.

6. Takeo Spikes - Havent slept since last encounter... scariest looking man alive. I havent yet reached the point where I can feel comfortable without knowing where he is.

Probable Culprit
1. Jennifer Love Hewitt - Still just trying to get my attention. Sad really.

2. Downstairs Neighbors - All but showed up at my doorstep and showed me the keys.

3. Emilio Estevez - Never been comfortable with our uncanny resemblence.

4. Burger King Mascot - Creepy as hell. Doesnt like my penchant for weekend Wendy's runs.

5. Barry Bonds - No real proof, just my scape goat in ambiguious situations.

6. Giacomo - A thoroughbred with a broken heart after never getting the love I gave Smarty.

7. Bob Costas - I did key his.

The clock is ticking...

2006-01-29T20:57:00.000-05:00

Welcome to February...
The general public has seen fit to label the Kentucky Derby the most exciting two minutes in sports, and rightfully so. It must be said, however, that those stricken with the Derby fever feel slighted by this remark and would suggest something more consuming, say, the most exciting 6 months in sports, as the two minutes of the actual race are actually the culmination of an entire season of activity. With this in mind I'd like to apologize for the delay in putting my thoughts in writing as to the developing combatants you'll see on the first Saturday in May. A couple today with odds to overcome:

1. Stevie Wonderboy - While the million dollar paycheck is nice, ol Stevie committed the most egregious sin in all of racing to the Derby. He won the Breeders Cup Juvenile. What an idiot. Do you remember the strong Derby efforts by Capote, Vindication, Favorite Trick, and Fly So Free? No you don't, and not because your heavy drinking is starting in on your memory. Its because plain and simple, the Juve winner peaks at 2 and might as well be retired. When May 6 rolls around, the Merv Griffin owned colt might be there, but you wont see him in the winner's circle.

2. Henny Hughes - Classy colt out of sire Hennessy, Mr Hughes showed a great deal of 2 year old success before running into the afore mentioned Mr Wonderboy. The problem here is the real estate he happens to be training on. While some horses run the prep circuit in Kentucky, Florida, California, New York, Louisiana, or even Arkansas, the Einsteins developing Mr Hughes will be sending him to Dubai and the Nad Al Sheba racetrack. While flying halfway across the world to train helped Rocky avenge the death of Apollo Creed, it's hell on a horse and I'll give Henny's lead pony better odds of crossing the wire first.

more to follow.....